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Guilt and the World Series

Another World Series has come and gone. This year having the Los Angeles Dodgers beating the New York Yankees in five games. Two powerhouses of the sport with some of the sport’s biggest stars facing off on one of the world’s biggest stages. What I wish to discuss here is not what happened during the series but what happens for the players after the game.

These coaches and players have prepared all year for this opportunity and they fell short. Many players are feeling the guilt of failing to make certain plays or even failing to perform. Now the question lies, what do these players do now? How do they choose to move forward and turn that experience into a learning experience?

For each of the Yankees players this process will look different. Every person has their own unique way of dealing with guilt and shame. Here are some different things that you can try if you find yourself dealing with guilt and shame. First acknowledge your feelings. It can be quite difficult to deal with something that you can not define or say what it is. So take a moment to look inwards and try to describe what you are feeling. Once you have done this you may find it easier to figure out where to go next. For many of these players they will use these feelings of guilt and shame as motivation to get better. You can do the same. Use these feelings as motivation to learn from this mistake and to challenge yourself to rise above that.

Even after all that you still find it difficult to move past these feelings then I recommend you seek professional help. A licensed Therapist can definitely help you work through these feelings and even help you dig a little deeper. The therapist can help you challenge those thoughts and feelings that are keeping you stuck and help you find a way to move forward. So if you are currently feeling guilt or shame just know that you are not alone and that there is help out there waiting for you to come and get it.

Written by Nicholas Pujol, Mental Health Graduate Student

Navigating the Holiday Blues: Finding Light in the Season of Shadows

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. However, for many individuals, it can also be a  challenging period marked by the holiday blues. These feelings of sadness, loneliness, and anxiety during the festive season are more common than one might think. In this blog post, we’ll explore the reasons behind the holiday blues and offer practical tips for navigating
this emotionally complex time.

Understanding the Holiday Blues:
1. Social Expectations: The holiday season comes with societal expectations of happiness and togetherness. This pressure to be festive and cheerful can be overwhelming, especially for those who may be dealing with personal challenges or losses.

2. Comparisons and Reflections: The holidays often prompt reflection on the past year, which can lead to comparisons and a sense of unmet expectations. Individuals may find themselves assessing their achievements, relationships, and life choices, potentially triggering feelings of
inadequacy or regret.

3. Loneliness: Not everyone has a robust support system or close-knit family to spend the holidays with. For those who are alone or have strained relationships, the season can amplify feelings of isolation and loneliness.

4. Financial Strain: The financial burden of gift-giving, travel, and hosting can contribute to stress and anxiety. The pressure to meet material expectations can be particularly challenging for those facing economic difficulties.

Navigating the Holiday Blues:
1. Acknowledge and Accept: The first step in addressing the holiday blues is acknowledging and accepting your feelings. It’s okay not to feel festive all the time, and recognizing your emotions is an essential part of self-care.

2. Set Realistic Expectations: Manage your expectations and understand that perfection is not the goal. Embrace imperfections and focus on creating meaningful moments rather than adhering to an idealized version of the holidays.

3. Reach Out for Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or support groups. Share your feelings and let others know if  you need company or assistance. Connecting with others can provide comfort and a sense of belonging.

4. Create New Traditions: If traditional holiday activities trigger negative emotions, consider creating new traditions that align with your current circumstances and bring joy. This could include volunteering, starting a new hobby, or taking a solo trip.

5. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize self-care during the holidays. Take time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or practicing mindfulness.

6. Seek Professional Help: If the holiday blues become overwhelming and persist, consider seeking professional help. Mental health professionals can provide support, coping strategies, and a safe space to explore and address underlying issues.

The holiday blues are a common and valid experience that many individuals navigate each year. By acknowledging these feelings, setting realistic expectations, reaching out for support, and practicing self-care, it’s possible to find light in the midst of the seasonal shadows. Remember that everyone’s journey is unique, and prioritizing your well-being is key to making it through the holiday season with
resilience and grace.

Written by Sherline Herard, MH24002, Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Healing Minds: Exploring the Power of EMDR Therapy

 

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy is a psychotherapy approach that is primarily used to help individuals process and resolve traumatic experiences. It was developed by Francine Shapiro in the late 1980s and has since gained recognition as an effective treatment for trauma-related disorders, particularly post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Here are the key elements and principles of EMDR therapy:

1. Bilateral Stimulation:

One of the distinctive features of EMDR therapy is the use of bilateral stimulation, which can involve either side-to-side eye movements, taps or tones (using handheld devices), or other forms of alternating sensory input (such as hand tapping or auditory tones). This bilateral stimulation is believed to mimic the rapid eye movement (REM) sleep phase, during which emotional processing occurs naturally.

2. Eight Phases:

EMDR therapy is structured into eight distinct phases:

– History Taking: Gathering information about the client's history and identifying targets for treatment.

– Educating the client about EMDR therapy and developing coping skills to manage distress.

– Assessment: Identifying specific memories or experiences to target during EMDR sessions.

– Desensitization: Using bilateral stimulation to process traumatic memories and associated negative emotions.

– Installation: Strengthening positive beliefs and adaptive coping mechanisms.

– Body Scan: Assessing for any residual physical tension related to the targeted memory.

– Closure: Ensuring the client feels stable and grounded at the end of each session.

– Reevaluation: Reviewing progress and identifying any additional targets for future sessions.

3. Adaptive Information Processing Model:

EMDR therapy is based on the Adaptive Information Processing (AIP) model, which posits that many psychological problems are due to unprocessed memories that are stored in a maladaptive way. EMDR aims to facilitate the brain’s natural ability to process and integrate these memories, resulting in reduced emotional distress and improved cognitive functioning.

4. EMDR therapy is primarily used to treat PTSD and trauma-related disorders, but it has also been adapted for use with other conditions such as anxiety, depression, phobias, and more. It is considered an evidence-based practice and is endorsed by organizations such as the American Psychiatric Association (APA) and the World Health Organization (WHO) for the treatment of PTSD.

Overall, EMDR therapy is designed to help individuals reprocess traumatic memories and associated negative beliefs, allowing them to move towards a state of psychological healing and adaptive functioning. It is typically conducted by trained therapists who have completed specific EMDR training programs.

Written by Jennifer Freel, Registered Mental Health Intern IMH26129

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*Coming soon, Jennifer Freel will be offering EMDR Therapy to further support her clients’ healing journeys.

Emotional Affairs and Personality Disorders in Marriage and Family Therapy

Navigating the Complex Terrain of Emotional Affairs and Personality Disorders in Marriage and Family Therapy
In the intricate landscape of marriage and family therapy, the challenges posed by emotional affairs can be even more profound when compounded by personality disorders. Whether you’re a therapist working with couples or someone navigating these issues personally, understanding the interplay between emotional connections and mental health is essential.

Understanding Emotional Affairs
Emotional affairs often begin as a friendship that deepens into a connection characterized by intimacy and secrecy. Unlike physical infidelity, emotional affairs involve a significant emotional investment in someone outside the marriage, which can lead to feelings of betrayal and profound hurt.

For couples, these affairs can signal deeper issues within the relationship, such as unmet emotional needs, communication breakdowns, or a desire for validation. In therapy, it’s crucial to explore the underlying factors that led to the emotional affair while addressing the couple’s dynamics.

Written by Danielle Fous, Marriage and Family Graduate Student

3 Habits Impacting Your Mental Health

Oftentimes, when we think about what could harm our mental health, our minds go to major life events—the loss of a job, the end of a relationship, or the death of a loved one. But small habits that often go unnoticed can also play a major role. Below are three common habits that could be negatively affecting your mental health:

1. Not Getting Enough Sleep
Sleep impacts your mental health in numerous ways—it can affect your cognitive skills, mood, and behavior. As such, failing to get enough sleep can increase your risk of anxiety and depression and make it more difficult for you to focus, solve problems, make decisions, remember things, and control your emotions and impulses. Try sticking to the same sleep schedule, keeping your bedroom cool and dark, and performing a relaxing activity before bed (e.g., taking a warm bath or reading).

2. Being Inactive
In today’s busy world, it can be difficult to find time to exercise, but it’s important to stay active. Not only can exercise improve your physical health, but it can also boost your mental health. In fact, studies have shown that regularly exercising could reduce your risk of depression.

3. Scrolling Through Social Media
Social media can be beneficial—it can help you stay connected to long-distance family and friends and keep up with current events—but research suggests that spending too much time on it can lead to anxiety and depression. To reduce your screen time, try setting a timer, turning off notifications, or deleting apps from your phone.

Start Improving Your Mental Health
In addition to breaking the negative habits described above, one of the best things you can do to boost your mental health is speak to a therapist. Fortunately, you can entrust your care to the skilled team at our practice. Once we’ve learned more about you and any issues you may be experiencing, we’ll be able to provide you with customized advice for how to eliminate negative habits from your life and start implementing more positive ones. Contact us today to schedule your first appointment.

Written by Sherline Herard, Licensed Mental Health Counselor

My PhD Journey

Recently I embarked on a new journey in my PhD program. My qualitative course is one of the first three and the most challenging. This course has led to a lot of soul searching on the best way to present my research question. I decided that it may be best if I research a specific
group. I have chosen to narrow my research down to black married men. My question is currently still under construction. I want it to be a meaningful statement that articulates how the overarching theme of the study. I also do not want to lead participants to the conclusion that I am trying to make. Therefore, a vaguer description might be beneficial. My thought was “What are the communication barriers that black males face in marriage?”. I have been gauging the interest of men that I know, who are married and find communication in their relationship difficult.

So far, I have received a lot of inquiry on this topic and the idea of diving deeper into a man’s vulnerability with his wife. Specifically black men, who in my experience must consistently portray a strength. This is a very taxing façade to project at all times. An assumption of marriage is that both individuals are comfortable to show their true and authentic self. If this statement was an absolute, my assumption is that men would express more than just anger in their relationship. I tend to believe that men test the boundaries of how open they can be with their spouse. When their vulnerability is rejected through a critical reaction, disappointment, or lack of comfortability by their spouse; men tend to shut down.

As a boy growing up, I was taught that my emotions were not acceptable. This resulted in behaviors that caused more damage for my mental health. Because I did not feel safe expressing myself, I found it hard to be vulnerable with others. I also found myself in unhealthy coping mechanisms and hiding behaviors that were not seen as “good”. I longed for people that I could unpack the turmoil that I felt inside. I thought that in marriage I would find this safe space. What I found was my hiding of my true emotions gave my wife an unrealistic expectation of me as a man. I was always “strong and stoic” in our dating phase of the relationship. For 5 years before marriage my wife thought that nothing phased me. She later realized I was a ball of emotions. In the beginning of or marriage she did not know how to react to what I was saying. This led to me feeling alone and misunderstood within my own house, almost as if I was a teenager all over again. Though this sounds dramatic, it is natural for us as humans to relate our current reality to past situations. These trips back to spaces of emotional scarcity can limit our ability to be present in the moment, and while this sounds like a riveting crisis. It would be highly unproductive for
your mental health if I just left you with a problem and no way to work towards a different result.

If you find yourself in a place where you do not feel like you have the permission to be vulnerable in relationships; I believe it starts by creating a space for yourself. We have all heard the saying that you cannot give others what you do not give yourself. It is also very true that you cannot ask from others what you first ask from for yourself. If I do not think my voice matters, someone else saying it does will not validate the insecurity inside of me. As men, we must give our inner child the freedom to feel every emotion, no matter how uncomfortable. As we begin to accept, we are more than anger and excitement, we will be able to ask others accept that as well.

Written by Tim Nelson, Registered Mental Health Intern #25977

Understanding Good Mental Health: A Holistic Perspective

As I embarked on my journey as a Student Mental Health Intern, I immersed myself in various theories, techniques, and research to enhance clients’ mental well-being. While these tools are valuable, a fundamental question persisted: “What does good mental health truly entail?”

Human experiences are diverse, yet we often find common ground in our pursuit of purpose and fulfillment—whether through a thriving career, nurturing a family, or simply leading a meaningful life. The essence of mental health becomes clearer when we acknowledge that our search for purpose invariably involves navigating mistakes and overcoming challenges. By confronting these obstacles, we learn about ourselves and our capacity to achieve our goals.

The essence of good mental health transcends external achievements; it lies in addressing and nurturing our internal struggles. Common advice to “just do what makes you happy” or “do what you think is best for yourself,” I would argue, can inadvertently foster isolation if not acknowledged with a broader perspective. Focusing solely on personal happiness might seem appealing and, in some cases, be what’s best. It may also lead to a solitary existence if it means being too comfortable and becoming stagnant.

In my view, our purpose extends beyond individual satisfaction; it involves fostering meaningful connections and communities. These relationships, forged through shared experiences and proximity, often evolve into deeper bonds that teach us about sacrifice and selflessness. By prioritizing the well-being of others, we cultivate discipline—a crucial element in forming positive habits. Though these habits may seem basic, they contribute significantly to overall mental health, such as maintaining a balanced diet or exercising regularly.

In a world with conflicting opinions and materialistic promises from media and celebrities, it’s easy to be misled about what constitutes genuine mental well-being. The notion that acquiring possessions or achieving a certain appearance will resolve our issues is a common but flawed narrative.

I would make the case that true mental health is characterized by the ability to embrace life’s joys and challenges with resilience. It involves having a supportive community to rely on in times of need and fostering a mindset that values living well not only for personal gain but also for the positive impact on others.

In essence, good mental health is a balanced state of being that integrates personal resilience, supportive relationships, and a sense of purpose that extends beyond oneself.

Written by Juan Cubillos, Graduate Student in Clinical Mental Health

6 Secrets to Fast-Track Change

Change is inevitable; it’s one of the few constants in life. Yet, despite its inevitability, embracing change can be remarkably challenging for many of us. From personal habits to societal norms, the resistance to change often runs deep within us. But why is change so hard?

The Comfort Zone Conundrum speed

At the heart of the struggle with change lies the comfort zone – that cozy, familiar space where everything feels safe and predictable. Stepping out of this zone, even for positive changes, can evoke feelings of uncertainty, fear, and vulnerability. Our brains are wired to seek safety and minimize risk, making any deviation from the norm feel like a threat to our well-being.

The Fear of the Unknown

Change often brings with it an element of uncertainty. Whether it’s starting a new job, moving to a different city, or altering a long-standing routine, the unknown can trigger anxiety and doubt. Our minds gravitate towards what’s familiar because it feels safer than venturing into uncharted territory. Fear of failure, rejection, or simply not knowing what to expect can paralyze us and prevent us from embracing change wholeheartedly.

Habitual Patterns Die Hard

Human beings are creatures of habit. We thrive on routine and predictability because it provides a sense of stability in an otherwise chaotic world. However, this reliance on habit can make breaking free from old patterns incredibly challenging. Whether it’s quitting smoking, adopting a healthier lifestyle, or changing ingrained thought patterns, our brains resist change because it disrupts the familiar neural pathways we’ve spent years reinforcing.

Social Pressures and Expectations

Beyond individual resistance, societal norms and expectations also play a significant role in why change is hard. We are often influenced by the opinions and judgments of others, which can make deviating from the status quo feel daunting. Whether it’s conforming to cultural standards, peer pressure, or family dynamics, the fear of social rejection or criticism can hinder our willingness to embrace change.

Overcoming the Resistance: Strategies for Success

While change may be hard, it’s not impossible. Here are some strategies to help navigate the challenges of change:

1. Acknowledge and Accept: Recognize that change is a natural part of life and that discomfort is to be expected. Accepting this reality can help ease the resistance.

2. Set Clear Goals: Define what you want to achieve through the change and break it down into manageable steps. Having a clear vision can provide motivation and direction.

3. Build a Support System: Surround yourself with people who support and encourage your efforts towards change. Whether it’s friends, family, or a professional network, having a support system can provide invaluable guidance and encouragement.

4. Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself throughout the change process. Understand that setbacks are inevitable and view them as opportunities for growth rather than reasons for self-criticism.

5. Stay Flexible: Remain open to adjusting your approach as needed. Change is rarely linear, and being adaptable can help navigate unexpected challenges along the way.

6. Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge and celebrate each milestone, no matter how small. Recognizing your achievements can boost confidence and momentum toward further change.

In conclusion, while change may be accompanied by discomfort and uncertainty, it also holds the potential for growth, discovery, and transformation. By understanding the reasons behind our resistance to change and implementing strategies to navigate it effectively, we can embrace change as an opportunity for positive growth and fulfillment in our lives. Are you ready for change?

Book a session now with Cape Coral Therapists and start your journey.

Written by Kellie Hatch, Mental Health Graduate Student

 

 

Reawakened Grief

Has a loved one, family member, or good friend passed away? Coping when a loved one has died can be difficult. Emotionally and mentally, your thoughts may unravel, and you feel lost. There may be times you hear a song or see a particular dish of food, and the memories of your loved one flood back. This is an example of what is called reawakened grief. Awakened grief is the flashback of emotions that flood your
mind when replaying the loss. The time frame could be weeks to years when you have experienced the death of your loved one or friend. This flood of anxiety and fear can lead one to withdraw from the scheduled or regular daily duties they used to enjoy.

I, too, have had emotions while thinking of a loved one who has died. During this grief, the feelings that may surface are tearfulness, irritability, feeling spaced out, despair, immense sadness, confusion, headaches, distraction, anger, and sluggishness (tired). Physically, you may encounter stomach aches and pains (diarrhea and nausea), dry mouth, feeling weak, body aches and pains, difficulty sleeping and concentrating, and lack of appetite.

There are ways to help cope during this difficult time. Please note that anniversary reminders are a normal response during the grief process. First, permit yourself to grieve by talking to family or friends. Talk therapy sessions can be scheduled to allow you to feel the emotions and speak openly in a confidential space. Try to maintain your health by taking care of yourself. Allow the good memories to flow and celebrate with a new tradition (plant a tree or flower). Attempting to make a favorite dish or travel to a place of great memories can provide distractions during the anniversary or major holiday. To gain more control over your life and proceed to a healthy future, take hold of grief and acknowledge it exists.

Written by Maxine Martin, Mental Health Graduate Student

Healing from Your Past: A Pathway to Self-Trust and Transformation

Our past experiences shape who we are, influencing our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in profound ways. When these experiences include trauma, betrayal, or significant loss, they can leave lasting scars that affect our ability to trust ourselves and others. However, healing from these past wounds is not only possible but can be transformative. By embarking on a journey of healing, we can learn to trust ourselves more deeply in the present moment, leading to a life of greater fulfillment and authenticity.

Understanding the Impact of the Past

The past, particularly painful experiences, can create a narrative that defines our self-worth and capabilities. For instance, if you were often criticized as a child, you might carry a belief that you are not good enough. If you experienced betrayal in a relationship, you might struggle with trusting others and, by extension, trusting your own judgment. These narratives can become deeply ingrained, operating on a subconscious level and influencing our daily decisions and interactions.

The key to changing these narratives lies in acknowledging and healing from these past wounds. This process often involves revisiting painful memories, understanding their impact on your current behavior, and working through the emotions associated with them. It’s a challenging journey, but it’s also a necessary one for fostering self-trust.

The Healing Process

Healing is a multifaceted process that requires time, patience, and often professional support. Here are some steps to consider on your healing journey:

1. Acknowledgment and Acceptance

The first step in healing is to acknowledge the pain and trauma from the past. This means allowing yourself to feel the emotions associated with these experiences without judgment. Acceptance does not mean condoning what happened but rather recognizing that it is a part of your history that needs to be addressed.

2. Seek Professional Support

Therapists, counselors, and support groups can provide a safe space to explore your past and its impact on your present life. They offer tools and techniques to help you process emotions, challenge negative beliefs, and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

3. Self-Reflection and Mindfulness

Engaging in regular self-reflection helps you gain insights into how past experiences are influencing your present thoughts and actions. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, can be particularly effective in helping you stay present and observe your thoughts and feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them.

4. Self-Compassion

Healing requires a lot of self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate through painful memories and emotions. Acknowledge your courage in facing these challenges and remind yourself that healing is a gradual process.

5. Rewrite Your Narrative

As you work through your past, you have the opportunity to rewrite the narrative of your life. This means shifting from a place of victimhood to one of empowerment. You can begin to see yourself as someone who has overcome adversity and is capable of growth and change.

Building Self-Trust in the Present

Once you start healing from your past, you create space for building self-trust in the present. Here’s how this transformation can unfold:

1. Enhanced Self-Awareness

Healing enhances your self-awareness, allowing you to understand your triggers and patterns. With this awareness, you can make more conscious choices rather than reacting based on old wounds. You learn to trust your judgment and intuition, knowing that they are informed by a clearer understanding of yourself.

2. Improved Decision-Making

When you trust yourself, you become more confident in your decision-making abilities. You learn to listen to your inner voice and value your own opinions and desires. This leads to making choices that are more aligned with your true self and values.

3. Increased Resilience

Healing builds resilience. As you confront and overcome past traumas, you develop a stronger sense of self and a belief in your ability to handle challenges. This resilience translates into greater trust in your capacity to navigate life’s ups and downs.

4. Authentic Relationships

Trusting yourself allows you to engage in more authentic relationships. You become better at setting boundaries and communicating your needs and desires. This authenticity fosters deeper and more meaningful connections with others, as you are no longer operating from a place of fear or insecurity.

5. Personal Empowerment

Ultimately, healing and self-trust lead to a sense of personal empowerment. You realize that you have the power to shape your life and make choices that bring you joy and fulfillment. This empowerment transforms your life, as you are no longer held back by past wounds but are free to pursue your dreams and aspirations.

Practical Steps to Foster Self-Trust

Here are some practical steps you can take to foster self-trust in your daily life:

1. Practice Self-Care

Regular self-care practices reinforce the message that you are worthy of care and attention. This can include physical activities, such as exercise and healthy eating, as well as emotional and mental self-care, like journaling or spending time in nature.

2. Set and Achieve Small Goals

Setting and achieving small goals helps build confidence in your abilities. Start with manageable tasks and gradually take on more challenging ones. Each success reinforces your belief in yourself and your capabilities.

3. Listen to Your Intuition

Pay attention to your gut feelings and instincts. Practice making decisions based on your intuition and observing the outcomes. Over time, you will develop greater trust in your inner guidance.

4. Celebrate Your Progress

Acknowledge and celebrate your progress on your healing journey. Reflect on how far you’ve come and the positive changes you’ve made in your life. This reinforces your self-trust and motivates you to continue growing.

5. Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Surround yourself with people who support and encourage your healing and growth. Positive relationships provide a foundation of trust and safety, which can bolster your own self-trust.

Conclusion

Healing from your past is a transformative journey that requires courage, patience, and self-compassion. As you heal, you learn to trust yourself more deeply in the present moment, leading to a life of greater authenticity, empowerment, and fulfillment. By acknowledging and addressing past wounds, you create space for self-trust to flourish, allowing you to navigate life with confidence and resilience. Embrace the healing process and watch as it transforms not only your relationship with yourself but also your entire life.

If you’re ready to end looking for cosigners on every decision in your life and are ready to step into your power, reach out to Cape Coral Therapists today.

Written by Kellie Hatch, Mental Health Graduate Student