Intimacy Counseling

Intimacy is the sharing of one’s soul with another person’s, depth of trust, and profound insights into each other. That level of emotional interaction strengthens  character, focus and integrity. Social media and other outlets have degraded the concept of intimacy in relationships, as a “What’s in it for me?” mindset has settled in. Intimacy has been perverted from its respected form into something that is lacking in most relationships today.

The continuous degradation of intimacy in relationships has led to more couples seeking counseling.

FEAR OF INTIMACY

Intimacy can help you feel more loved and less alone. But intimacy also requires a great deal of trust and vulnerability, and you may find this frightening. Many people struggle with intimacy, and fear of intimacy is a common concern in therapy.

People can fear intimacy due to a variety of reasons. Some of the most common causes include:

• Abandonment Issues: You may fear that once you become attached to someone, that individual will leave.
• Fear of Rejection: You might worry that once you reveal any flaws or imperfections, the other person will no longer want to be with you.
• Control Issues: You may fear losing your independence as you become emotionally connected to others.
• Past Abuse: A history of childhood abuse, especially sexual abuse, may make it difficult for you to trust others.

BUILDING INTIMACY IN A RELATIONSHIP

It is possible to overcome fears of intimacy. A compassionate counselor can help you understand the underlying emotions driving your fear. They can help you address these feelings and find healthier ways to cope with them besides isolating yourself. Dr. April Brown is a Licensed Mental Health Christian Counselor, Certified School Counselor, Distance Certified Counselor, National Certified Counselor, and a Qualified Clinical Supervisor. She has a thriving private practice in Cape Coral and Fort Myers, Florida where she specializes in intimacy counseling

Sometimes mental health issues like avoidant personality disorder can also contribute to intimacy issues. Treating these diagnoses can also offer significant benefits.

The following suggestions may allow you and your partner to grow closer.

• Be patient. Getting to truly know someone is a serious time commitment. The trust-building process is often a slow one. Intimacy is not a race.
• Start with the easy stuff.If you find it easier to talk about the future than the past, then start by sharing your dreams and goals. As trust builds, you may find it less frightening to talk about the more difficult topics.
• Talk openly about your needs. Are you someone who needs a lot of time alone to recharge? How often do you like to have sex? You can prevent a lot of misunderstandings if you tell your partner plainly what you want instead of assuming your desires are “obvious”.
• Respect each other’s differences.Even the most intimate partners still have their own identities. You and your partner do not need to agree on everything in order to love each other.

  Are you and your significant other struggling in your connection to one another?   For some reason, that bond or closeness seems to be going away.  There is a wall between you two.  Intimacy coaching can help, because it is a process to help men and women who are struggling with the issues of love, intimacy, and romance, get the love and relationship they want.

  In the coaching sessions, Dr. April will work on breaking down the walls that prevent intimacy through:

  • Exploring each person’s mind, body, and spirit

  • Uncovering each person’s thoughts, beliefs, and emotions that have been unconsciously forming their sexual attitudes and behaviors

  • Learning, understanding, and communicating each person’s needs, wants, and desires

  • Repairing and creating passionate strong bonds that will create and maintain satisfying intimacy.

    For more information about intimacy coaching, contact Dr. April – where intimacy is real.

  REQUEST AN APOINTMENT WITH DR. APRILL

Negative thinking is quite contagious, once it infects someone the symptoms may persist over a lifetime. Most Americans fail to recognize the repercussions of thinking negatively.

The effects are far more psychological, they are physical and will impact your spiritual life. Negative thinking not only comes from negative events that are currently taking place but also past experiences. In fact, past negative experiences are the most harmful as neurological pathways are formed which link past negative thoughts to current experiences. Undoubtedly, we are the product of our thoughts and past perceptions, and learning to reprogram our thinking process is crucial in overcoming a negative mindset.

Negative Thinking Lead to Health Issues

I’m sure we all know a “Negative Nancy” or a “Miserable Mark”. If you happen know this individual as a negative person for an extended amount of time I sure you wouldn’t consider them to be physically “healthy”. However, people who work out consistently tend to be positive individuals. There is a definite inverse relationship and the key to it all is energy. Negative people lack emotional and sometimes physical energy. Many people with negative attitudes have developed them as a defense mechanism to keep people away from consuming their precious energy. Once someone has established themselves as a negative individual they are less likely to be approached for the slightest thing by friends or family therefore preserving their energy.

According to Psychology Today, “Whilst we know that a person’s genetics and life circumstances contribute to mental health problems, the results show that traumatic life events are the main reason people suffer from anxiety and depression. However, the way a person thinks about, and deals with, stressful events is as much an indicator of the level of stress and anxiety they feel,” said lead researcher, Peter Kinderman, Head of the Institute of Psychology, Health and Society.

Here are 5 steps to stop the patterns of negative thinking.

1. Acknowledge that your thinking process is negative.
2. Eliminate words such as could’ve, probably, maybe, should’ve etc from your vocabulary entirely.
3. Listen to and repeat positive affirmations daily. (YOU TUBE)
4. Pray and meditate
5. Speak with a Professional Counselor

Contrary to some beliefs senior citizens have the same issues that younger couples face in relationships. Honestly, some issues are only experienced by seniors. In most cases issues cannot be resolved on their own. It can be difficult to be objective without feeling the sting of accusations that often cause couples to be defensive with each other. A practical solution to resolving relationship issues is relationship counseling. According to peoplesproblems.org, here are some reasons some seniors may have for going to couples or relationship counseling.

1. Bickering Turns into Arguing

Some arguing in a relationship is perfectly normal, according to a Psychology Today article on the psychology of love and the nature of relationships. If, however, occasional bickering turns into a full blown fight with increasing frequency, it may be time to consider relationship counseling. Seniors are generally not as quick to end a relationship because of fighting. Yet, a relationship characterized by constant fighting, can lead to serious health issues in seniors such as stress, fatigue, depression and even serious physical conditions. According to the Marriage Counseling Guide, couples therapy teaches each partner how to really listen and state their opinion without going right into argument mode.

2. Sense of Apathy

According to a recent study on common issues concerning the elderly, there is a direct connection between relationship apathy and cognitive dysfunction. In other words, sometimes when you get older you take one another for granted. According to a study referenced by the AARP, this is a common concern among seniors. Nobody likes to feel like what they say or do doesn’t matter. This may not be the case, but if one partner feels this way it can lead to depression and other emotion-based conditions. People, regardless of age, like to appreciated every now and then.

3. Sexual Issues

According to a 2007 study of 3,005 adults ages 57 to 85, seniors still enjoy a healthy sex life. Yet, some seniors may experience diminished sexual intimacy as they age. This may be due a partner’s physical inability to perform the way they did previously. A big part of is connecting with your partner in more than a physical way. This may involve discussing your needs with your partner or simply finding other ways to be intimate. A counseling setting takes away some of the embarrassment some seniors may feel when discussing such issues.

4. Lack of Communication

Communication issues are really at the heart of most issues. Seniors, in particular, may assume their partner knows how they feel. As a result, you may find yourself not telling your partner something as simple as “I love you” or offer words of encouragement. A common defense is that your partner should know how you feel. Regardless of age, people still like to hear that they are loved and what they do matters. A major part of relationship counseling is addressing communication issues. Reestablishing lines of communication may ultimately breathe new life into a relationship.

5. Lifestyle Adjustments

Seniors often face a major change in lifestyle as they grow older. This may include having more free time due to retirement or having more disposable income to enjoy leisure activities. While this can be a good thing, sometimes one partner is not used to having the other one around as much. Conversely, some seniors may cut back or eliminate many social activities they did before retirement. Both situations can put stress on a relationship. Relationship therapy provides a forum to voice concerns and reach a compromise that works for both partners.

Relationships face challenges, regardless of age. Some seniors may find it difficult to go to relationship counseling due to preconceived notions or a belief that marriage issues are private. Senior relationships are often built on a combination of love and friendship. As we go from one stage of life to another, there are changes that take place. Sometimes these changes put a strain on an otherwise healthy relationship. It is important to understand that relationship counseling is not about placing blame. It is about working out issues in a relationship that, at its core, is still strong.

A practical solution to resolving relationship issues is relationship counseling.

Financial Intimacy 101

Couples are instructed to be open and transparent when it comes to finances.  But what do you do when neither of you are comfortable doing so?

In a recent episode of Bringing Intimacy Back,  Dr. April Brown sat down with Michele Edwards-Collie – Owner of The King’s Daughter to discuss Financial Intimacy. They discussed how in order for couples to be intimate financially requires “nakedness” with one another. The nakedness is symbolic of the openness and transparency couples must have in order to be truly financially intimate. When couples experience financial intimacy at its highest level, they experience an overall enhancement of the quality of life.

But let’s be honest, most couples are uncomfortable being transparent with their finances—sometimes even with themselves individually, let alone with other people. That awkward feeling becomes intensified when couples start the discussion about finances.

According to brightonjones.com, the first challenge of financial intimacy is the underlying “social taboo” about discussing money. Most of us are taught from a young age that talking about money with other people is “not polite.” To complicate matters, modern America far too often equates success with money. As such, one—or both—people in a relationship may feel judged if they share their finances, as if there is something wrong, broken, or deficient about them if their financial situation is not what they hoped it would be at their current stage in life. Start with the assumption that virtually every couple finds this conversation awkward, especially in the early years of a relationship.

To start down the path of financial intimacy, we recommend discussing any past issues or bad experiences with money. Also discuss what you each make, how much you are saving per year (and where), and how much debt you have. These topics are sensitive, but the more couples communicate about finances and “get naked” (transparent) with one another the road will only get easier from there.

How’s Your View?

Addictions including alcoholism distorts the users view, which blocks them from seeing the true beauty of life. However, a number of effective treatments are available and people can recover from addiction and live normal, productive lives.

Addictions skew the addicts perception causing them to focus on the substance rather than the impact of that substance. According to the American Psychiatric Association, people with a substance use disorder have distorted thinking, behavior and body functions. Changes in the brain’s wiring are what cause people to have intense cravings for the drug and make it hard to stop using the drug. Brain imaging studies show changes in the areas of the brain that relate to judgment, decision making, learning, memory and behavior control.

How Do I Get Help?

The first step on the road to recovery is recognition of the problem. The recovery process can be hindered when a person denies having a problem and lacks understanding about substance misuse and addiction. The intervention of concerned friends and family often prompts treatment.

A health professional can conduct a formal assessment of symptoms to see if a substance use disorder exists. Even if the problem seems severe, most people with a substance use disorder can benefit from treatment. Unfortunately, many people who could benefit from treatment don’t receive help.

If you or anyone you know is battling alcoholism or any other addiction help is only a phone call away. We want to hear from you!