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Valentine’s Day: Loving Yourself First to Love Others Fully

Valentine’s Day is HERE! Whether you’re spending it with a special someone, or friends, or flying solo, it’s all good! But how can we make this day a great day? Well, we’ve all heard that classic piece of advice: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Rom 13:9). But here’s the kicker—“as yourself.” It’s hard to give love to others if you’re not showing yourself the same care and kindness first. Our mental health plays a huge role in this, and when we neglect it, we can lose sight of who we are and who we love.

So, as we get ready for the big day, why not check in with yourself? How can you feel truly rested and loved? Maybe it’s enjoying a delicious meal, unwinding in a relaxing bath, or getting lost in a good book at your favorite park. The key is to focus on one thing at a time and be
present in the moment.

If you’re spending the day with someone special, remember that it’s not about how much you spend but the quality of the time you share. As the Bible says, “Love cannot result in any harm to the neighbor” (Rom 13:10). It’s all about selfless giving, trust, and open communication in a relationship—these are the building blocks of the love we all seek.

So… let’s make this a day full of love for yourself and others!

Written by Juan Cubillos, Graduate Student in Clinical Mental Health

Embracing Sexual Well-Being: A Guide to Sexual Mental Health

Embracing Sexual Well-Being: A Guide to Sexual Mental Health

Sexual health is an integral part of overall well-being, encompassing physical, emotional, mental, and social dimensions. Yet, discussions around sexual and mental health often remain taboo, leaving many individuals without the knowledge and support they need. This blog aims to shed light on the importance of sexual mental health, offering insights and tips for cultivating a healthy and fulfilling sexual life.

Understanding Sexual Mental Health

Sexual mental health refers to a state of well-being in which an individual experiences positive and respectful relationships, has the ability to enjoy and express their sexuality, and feels free from discrimination, coercion, and violence. It involves:

  • Self-Esteem and Body Image: Feeling confident and comfortable in your own body.

  • Communication and Consent: Being able to communicate your needs and boundaries and respecting those of others.

  • Emotional Connection: Building and maintaining healthy emotional connections with partners.

  • Healthy Sexual Function: Experiencing sexual activities that are pleasurable and free from dysfunction or pain.

Common Sexual Mental Health Concerns

1. Performance Anxiety

  • Causes: Fear of not meeting expectations, past negative experiences, and societal pressures.

  • Impact: Can lead to erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or difficulty achieving orgasm.

2. Body Image Issues

  • Causes: Media portrayals of “ideal” bodies, societal standards, and personal insecurities.

  • Impact: Can reduce sexual desire, confidence, and satisfaction.

3. Lack of Desire or Libido

  • Causes: Stress, hormonal imbalances, relationship issues, mental health disorders.

  • Impact: Can affect personal well-being and relationship dynamics.

4. Trauma and PTSD

  • Causes: Past experiences of sexual abuse or assault.

  • Impact: This can lead to anxiety, avoidance of sexual activity, and emotional distress.

5. Relationship Issues

  • Causes: Poor communication, unresolved conflicts, lack of intimacy.

  • Impact: This can create emotional distance and reduce sexual satisfaction.

Tips for Improving Sexual Mental Health

1. Open Communication

  • Practice Honest Conversations: Discuss your desires, boundaries, and concerns with your partner.

  • Seek Understanding: Be willing to listen and empathize with your partner’s perspective.

2. Focus on Self-Esteem and Body Positivity

  • Self-Acceptance: Embrace your body as it is and recognize your unique beauty.

  • Positive Affirmations: Use positive affirmations to boost your self-esteem and body image.

3. Manage Stress and Anxiety

  • Mindfulness and Meditation: Practice mindfulness to stay present and reduce anxiety.

  • Relaxation Techniques: Incorporate relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or yoga into your routine.

4. Seek Professional Help

  • Therapists and Counselors: Consult with a mental health professional specializing in sexual health.

  • Support Groups: Join support groups to connect with others facing similar issues.

5. Educate Yourself

  • Read and Learn: Educate yourself about sexual health and well-being through books, articles, and reputable online resources.

  • Stay Informed: Keep up to date with the latest research and findings in sexual health.

6. Create a Healthy Lifestyle

  • Exercise Regularly: Physical activity can boost mood and improve body image.

  • Balanced Diet: Maintain a healthy diet to support overall well-being.

  • Adequate Sleep: Ensure you get enough rest to manage stress and maintain energy levels.

Resources for Sexual Mental Health

  • Books: “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski and “The Guide to Getting It On!” by Paul Joannides are excellent resources for understanding sexual health.

  • Websites: Planned Parenthood and the American Sexual Health Association (ASHA) offer valuable information and resources.

  • Apps: Apps like “MJoy” and “Rosy” provide educational content and tools for enhancing sexual well-being.

Conclusion

Sexual mental health is a vital component of overall health and happiness. By addressing concerns such as performance anxiety, body image issues, and lack of desire, and by fostering open communication, self-esteem, and professional support, you can enhance your sexual well-being. Remember, everyone deserves a healthy and fulfilling sexual life. Embrace your sexuality, educate yourself, and seek the support you need to thrive.

By prioritizing your sexual and mental health, you can build stronger relationships, boost your confidence, and experience greater satisfaction in all areas of your life.

Written by Jennifer Freel, Registered Mental Health Intern IMH26129

Unlocking Deep Change

How Working with Your Subconscious Mind Can Transform Your Therapy Journey

When it comes to achieving lasting change in therapy, working on a subconscious level is essential. Our subconscious mind is where deeply rooted beliefs, memories, and patterns reside, often influencing our thoughts, emotions, and actions without us even realizing it. While the conscious mind is responsible for logical reasoning and decision-making, the subconscious mind is like a powerful filing system, storing all our past experiences, fears, and core beliefs. Often, these stored beliefs are the very things that hold us back from reaching our goals.

Imagine setting a conscious goal to build self-confidence, but somewhere in your subconscious lies a belief, perhaps from childhood, that you’re “not good enough.” No matter how hard you work on building confidence consciously, this underlying belief may sabotage your progress, leading you back to self-doubt. By working directly with the subconscious, we can identify and reframe these limiting beliefs, allowing you to align your entire mindset with your goals.

Therapies like Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) make use of a relaxed, alpha brainwave state to help clients access their subconscious mind. In this state, we can revisit and process experiences that shaped current self-beliefs, seeing them through the wiser lens of adulthood. Updating these beliefs is like decluttering a storage room, creating space for new, empowering perspectives that support your goals.

Working on a subconscious level not only removes mental barriers but also speeds up the therapeutic process. It allows for deep, foundational shifts that reach far beyond surface-level thinking. When subconscious beliefs are in harmony with conscious goals, your path to growth becomes clearer, allowing you to experience greater resilience, self-trust, and authentic change. Embracing this level of inner work means you’re not just reaching your goals—you’re transforming from within, creating a foundation for lasting success and well-being.

Ready to break free from old patterns and unlock true, lasting change? Book a session today and let’s work together to align your subconscious mind with your goals for a more empowered future.

Written by Kellie Hatch, Registered Mental Health Intern #26644

 

Navigating the Holiday Blues: Finding Light in the Season of Shadows

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. However, for many individuals, it can also be a  challenging period marked by the holiday blues. These feelings of sadness, loneliness, and anxiety during the festive season are more common than one might think. In this blog post, we’ll explore the reasons behind the holiday blues and offer practical tips for navigating
this emotionally complex time.

Understanding the Holiday Blues:
1. Social Expectations: The holiday season comes with societal expectations of happiness and togetherness. This pressure to be festive and cheerful can be overwhelming, especially for those who may be dealing with personal challenges or losses.

2. Comparisons and Reflections: The holidays often prompt reflection on the past year, which can lead to comparisons and a sense of unmet expectations. Individuals may find themselves assessing their achievements, relationships, and life choices, potentially triggering feelings of
inadequacy or regret.

3. Loneliness: Not everyone has a robust support system or close-knit family to spend the holidays with. For those who are alone or have strained relationships, the season can amplify feelings of isolation and loneliness.

4. Financial Strain: The financial burden of gift-giving, travel, and hosting can contribute to stress and anxiety. The pressure to meet material expectations can be particularly challenging for those facing economic difficulties.

Navigating the Holiday Blues:
1. Acknowledge and Accept: The first step in addressing the holiday blues is acknowledging and accepting your feelings. It’s okay not to feel festive all the time, and recognizing your emotions is an essential part of self-care.

2. Set Realistic Expectations: Manage your expectations and understand that perfection is not the goal. Embrace imperfections and focus on creating meaningful moments rather than adhering to an idealized version of the holidays.

3. Reach Out for Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or support groups. Share your feelings and let others know if  you need company or assistance. Connecting with others can provide comfort and a sense of belonging.

4. Create New Traditions: If traditional holiday activities trigger negative emotions, consider creating new traditions that align with your current circumstances and bring joy. This could include volunteering, starting a new hobby, or taking a solo trip.

5. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize self-care during the holidays. Take time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or practicing mindfulness.

6. Seek Professional Help: If the holiday blues become overwhelming and persist, consider seeking professional help. Mental health professionals can provide support, coping strategies, and a safe space to explore and address underlying issues.

The holiday blues are a common and valid experience that many individuals navigate each year. By acknowledging these feelings, setting realistic expectations, reaching out for support, and practicing self-care, it’s possible to find light in the midst of the seasonal shadows. Remember that everyone’s journey is unique, and prioritizing your well-being is key to making it through the holiday season with
resilience and grace.

Written by Sherline Herard, MH24002, Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Emotional Affairs and Personality Disorders in Marriage and Family Therapy

Navigating the Complex Terrain of Emotional Affairs and Personality Disorders in Marriage and Family Therapy
In the intricate landscape of marriage and family therapy, the challenges posed by emotional affairs can be even more profound when compounded by personality disorders. Whether you’re a therapist working with couples or someone navigating these issues personally, understanding the interplay between emotional connections and mental health is essential.

Understanding Emotional Affairs
Emotional affairs often begin as a friendship that deepens into a connection characterized by intimacy and secrecy. Unlike physical infidelity, emotional affairs involve a significant emotional investment in someone outside the marriage, which can lead to feelings of betrayal and profound hurt.

For couples, these affairs can signal deeper issues within the relationship, such as unmet emotional needs, communication breakdowns, or a desire for validation. In therapy, it’s crucial to explore the underlying factors that led to the emotional affair while addressing the couple’s dynamics.

Written by Danielle Fous, Marriage and Family Graduate Student

3 Habits Impacting Your Mental Health

Oftentimes, when we think about what could harm our mental health, our minds go to major life events—the loss of a job, the end of a relationship, or the death of a loved one. But small habits that often go unnoticed can also play a major role. Below are three common habits that could be negatively affecting your mental health:

1. Not Getting Enough Sleep
Sleep impacts your mental health in numerous ways—it can affect your cognitive skills, mood, and behavior. As such, failing to get enough sleep can increase your risk of anxiety and depression and make it more difficult for you to focus, solve problems, make decisions, remember things, and control your emotions and impulses. Try sticking to the same sleep schedule, keeping your bedroom cool and dark, and performing a relaxing activity before bed (e.g., taking a warm bath or reading).

2. Being Inactive
In today’s busy world, it can be difficult to find time to exercise, but it’s important to stay active. Not only can exercise improve your physical health, but it can also boost your mental health. In fact, studies have shown that regularly exercising could reduce your risk of depression.

3. Scrolling Through Social Media
Social media can be beneficial—it can help you stay connected to long-distance family and friends and keep up with current events—but research suggests that spending too much time on it can lead to anxiety and depression. To reduce your screen time, try setting a timer, turning off notifications, or deleting apps from your phone.

Start Improving Your Mental Health
In addition to breaking the negative habits described above, one of the best things you can do to boost your mental health is speak to a therapist. Fortunately, you can entrust your care to the skilled team at our practice. Once we’ve learned more about you and any issues you may be experiencing, we’ll be able to provide you with customized advice for how to eliminate negative habits from your life and start implementing more positive ones. Contact us today to schedule your first appointment.

Written by Sherline Herard, Licensed Mental Health Counselor

My PhD Journey

Recently I embarked on a new journey in my PhD program. My qualitative course is one of the first three and the most challenging. This course has led to a lot of soul searching on the best way to present my research question. I decided that it may be best if I research a specific
group. I have chosen to narrow my research down to black married men. My question is currently still under construction. I want it to be a meaningful statement that articulates how the overarching theme of the study. I also do not want to lead participants to the conclusion that I am trying to make. Therefore, a vaguer description might be beneficial. My thought was “What are the communication barriers that black males face in marriage?”. I have been gauging the interest of men that I know, who are married and find communication in their relationship difficult.

So far, I have received a lot of inquiry on this topic and the idea of diving deeper into a man’s vulnerability with his wife. Specifically black men, who in my experience must consistently portray a strength. This is a very taxing façade to project at all times. An assumption of marriage is that both individuals are comfortable to show their true and authentic self. If this statement was an absolute, my assumption is that men would express more than just anger in their relationship. I tend to believe that men test the boundaries of how open they can be with their spouse. When their vulnerability is rejected through a critical reaction, disappointment, or lack of comfortability by their spouse; men tend to shut down.

As a boy growing up, I was taught that my emotions were not acceptable. This resulted in behaviors that caused more damage for my mental health. Because I did not feel safe expressing myself, I found it hard to be vulnerable with others. I also found myself in unhealthy coping mechanisms and hiding behaviors that were not seen as “good”. I longed for people that I could unpack the turmoil that I felt inside. I thought that in marriage I would find this safe space. What I found was my hiding of my true emotions gave my wife an unrealistic expectation of me as a man. I was always “strong and stoic” in our dating phase of the relationship. For 5 years before marriage my wife thought that nothing phased me. She later realized I was a ball of emotions. In the beginning of or marriage she did not know how to react to what I was saying. This led to me feeling alone and misunderstood within my own house, almost as if I was a teenager all over again. Though this sounds dramatic, it is natural for us as humans to relate our current reality to past situations. These trips back to spaces of emotional scarcity can limit our ability to be present in the moment, and while this sounds like a riveting crisis. It would be highly unproductive for
your mental health if I just left you with a problem and no way to work towards a different result.

If you find yourself in a place where you do not feel like you have the permission to be vulnerable in relationships; I believe it starts by creating a space for yourself. We have all heard the saying that you cannot give others what you do not give yourself. It is also very true that you cannot ask from others what you first ask from for yourself. If I do not think my voice matters, someone else saying it does will not validate the insecurity inside of me. As men, we must give our inner child the freedom to feel every emotion, no matter how uncomfortable. As we begin to accept, we are more than anger and excitement, we will be able to ask others accept that as well.

Written by Tim Nelson, Registered Mental Health Intern #25977

The Path to Self-Discovery: Carl Jung’s Concept of Individuation

Why should I care about a psychologist that died in 1961? Well, he just may help you on your therapy journey to greater understanding and creating a life you love.

In the realm of psychology, few names evoke as much intrigue and fascination as Carl Gustav Jung. Renowned for his pioneering work in analytical psychology, Jung delved into the depths of the human psyche, unraveling intricate layers of the unconscious mind. Among his many contributions, one concept stands out prominently: individuation.

Individuation, as proposed by Jung, is not merely a psychological process but a profound journey towards self-discovery and fulfillment. It encompasses the integration of the conscious and unconscious aspects of the psyche, leading to the realization of one’s true self and unique potential. In essence, it is a quest for wholeness and authenticity.

At the core of Jung’s theory of individuation lies the concept of the collective unconscious—a reservoir of universal symbols, archetypes, and primordial images shared by all humanity. According to Jung, the individuation process involves confronting and assimilating these unconscious contents, thereby transcending the limitations of the ego and connecting with the deeper dimensions of the self.

The process of individuation is not without its challenges. It requires courage, patience, and a willingness to confront the unknown aspects of the self. Jung likened the individuation journey to a descent into the depths of the unconscious—a journey fraught with peril but rich with the promise of transformation and renewal. Along the way, individuals may encounter various psychological obstacles, such as inner conflicts, emotional turmoil, and existential crises. Working through these constellations can be helped with therapy modalities such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Internal Family Systems and Mindfulness. These experiences serve as catalysts for growth and self-
realization, ultimately leading to a deeper sense of meaning and purpose.

Central to Jung’s concept of individuation is the idea of the self—the totality of the psyche, transcending the ego and encompassing both conscious and unconscious aspects. Unlike the ego, which is concerned with individual identity and self-preservation, the self represents a higher, more inclusive level of consciousness—one that is attuned to the collective and cosmic dimensions of existence. Through the
process of individuation, individuals strive to align themselves with the guiding force of the self, thereby fulfilling their innate potential and contributing to the greater good of humanity.

Individuation is not a linear or prescriptive process but rather a highly individualized journey shaped by personal experiences, insights, and aspirations. While Jung provided a framework for understanding and navigating this transformative process, he emphasized the importance of individual autonomy and self-discovery. Each individual must forge their own path towards individuation, drawing upon their unique strengths, values, culture and creative impulses.

In today’s fast-paced and increasingly complex world, the concept of individuation holds profound relevance. In a society that often prizes conformity over authenticity, the journey towards self-discovery and wholeness is more important than ever. By embracing the principles of individuation, individuals can cultivate a deeper sense of self-awareness, resilience, and empathy, paving the way for a more meaningful and
fulfilling existence.

By embarking on your therapy journey with a focus on individuation, individuals can connect with the deeper dimensions of the self.

Written by Megan Mckeon, Registered Mental Health Intern #25199

Back-To-School But Make It Stress-Free

As summer winds down, many children are gearing up to head back to school or begin their school journey for the first time. This transition—like any other transitions whether they involve moving, starting a new job, or facing job loss—often bring stress and anxiety to all involved, and heading back to school is no exception. This post provides practical tips and strategies to help ease this transition, aiming to make the back-to-school period more manageable and less stressful for everyone involved.

Prepare
To be productive and successful, it’s crucial to know what needs to be done and when. From waking up on time to meeting work deadlines to picking up the kids from school at their release time, having a clear plan helps to manage everyday tasks more effectively. The same principle applies to new routines, like going to school. Knowing where you need to go and when you need to be there are key to organizing your day efficiently. By preparing in advance, you can reduce stressors such as heavy traffic and extra commuting time.

The unknown or unfamiliar can lead to fear and anxiety for many including children, which can manifest in problem behaviors including tantrums. Ease anxieties about new surroundings by showing videos, pictures, or virtual tours of the school and classroom. Even educational shows or movies about school settings can help. This is what an open house aims to do, however sometimes the open house is full of so much information for the parents that the child does not have adequate time to become familiar with the new classroom, school or teacher and thus taking time to make sure the child is being exposed to what going to school is like, even in a book or story, can serve as a way to make sure that the situation is not so unfamiliar that anxiety and stress arises.

Reach out to teachers, preferably before school starts, to discuss your child’s needs. Building this communication channel early ensures that teachers are aware of any special requirements and can collaborate effectively to support your child and address any special needs for your child.

Discuss any sensory conditions, dietary restrictions, allergies, behavioral strategies, or medications with the school ahead of time. Ensuring that your child’s needs are met will help them feel comfortable and safe.

The importance of routine:
A well-established routine can significantly reduce anxiety and help manage your day more effectively. Children thrive on consistency. In ABA, visual schedules are used to help reduce anxiety and manage transitions by providing a clear outline of daily activities. Visual schedules are also helpful outside of ABA, knowing what to expect and for how long is a great way to relieve anxiety and to promote success.

**How to Create a Visual Schedule: **

1. List Daily Activities: Write down everything that happens from the time your child wakes up until bedtime. Include all activities, such as school, playtime, breaks, and appointments.

2. Organize by Order: Arrange these activities in the order they occur.

3. Use Visuals: Depending on your child’s age, use pictures or printouts to represent each activity. For example, a picture of a backpack can signify “school.”

4. Create the Schedule: Attach these images to a board using Velcro. Place the board where your child can easily see it.

5. Review Together: Go over the schedule with your child to explain each activity. Even if your child is very young or non-verbal, this step is crucial for preparing them.

6. Involve Your Child: Let your child help in creating the schedule. Choosing and cutting out images can make the schedule feel more personal and engaging.

7. Follow Through: As you go through the day, refer to the visual schedule and move completed tasks to the “completed” side. This helps reinforce the routine and provides a sense of accomplishment.

8. Supervise and Support: Actively supervise your child as they follow the schedule. This not only teaches them the importance of routine but also encourages independence as they practice daily tasks.

Reorganizing Your Own Schedule:
Integrating your child’s routine into your own schedule is vital for maintaining balance and peace of mind. By planning activities such as homework, meals, and extracurriculars, you can better manage your time and avoid overbooking. Creating a visual schedule for yourself can also demonstrate the importance of organization to your child and offer a bonding experience.

Practice
Consistency is key to making routines work. By preparing thoroughly, planning with a schedule, and sticking to it, you help minimize stress and ensure that both you and your child are organized. This not only makes the transition back to school smoother but also teaches valuable skills that will benefit your child now and in the future.

By following these steps and establishing a clear routine, you can create a less stressful and more organized start to the school year as well as maintaining functional routines that aid in stress management and success.

Written by Johana Calvo, IMFT, BCaBA

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Empathy’s Mirror

Practicing empathy towards others contributes to self-acceptance and self-love in several ways:

When we empathize with others, we put ourselves in their shoes and try to understand their experiences, emotions, and challenges. This shift in perspective helps us realize that everyone is imperfect and faces their own struggles. Recognizing the humanity and imperfections in others invites us to extend that same understanding and acceptance to ourselves. This perspective shift promotes self-acceptance by reminding us that we are not alone in our experiences and that it’s natural to have flaws and setbacks.

Empathy helps us recognize the common humanity that connects us all. When we empathize with others, we realize that we share similar limitations, concerns, and vulnerabilities with others. This understanding fosters a sense of belonging and reminds us that we are not alone in our thoughts and feelings. This shared reality prods us to develop a greater sense of self-acceptance and self-love, knowing that our experiences are part of the shared human experience.

Offering unconditional positive regard to others, which means accepting and valuing someone without judgment or conditions, is perhaps one of the great examples in this space; we learn to apply the same acceptance and kindness to ourselves. What could we be caring about that keeps us from extending that love to the person in the mirror? Self-acceptance and self-love ask that we embrace ourselves fully, just as we would embrace others.

There is something magical that happens when we empathize with others; we tap into our own capacity for empathy and compassion. The social capital that is self-love takes on new meaning and ownership. This emotional resonance helps us understand and connect with others and deepens our understanding of ourselves. The goal here is to develop a greater sense of self-awareness and self-acceptance. This process allows us to embrace our positive and negative emotions and cultivate self-love by honoring our authentic experiences.

Practicing empathy towards others creates a positive ripple effect in our own lives. When we show understanding, kindness, and compassion to others, we experience a sense of fulfillment and joy. This positive energy then extends to how we perceive and treat ourselves. By nurturing empathy towards others, we cultivate a compassionate and loving mindset that naturally extends to self-acceptance and self-love.

In summary, practicing empathy towards others contributes to self-acceptance and self-love by shifting our perspective, recognizing our common humanity, promoting unconditional positive regard, fostering emotional resonance, and creating a positive ripple effect. By extending empathy to others, we create a foundation of acceptance and compassion that ultimately strengthens our relationship with ourselves. When was the last time you were given the best of YOU? Let’s do this!

Written by Petra Wilkes, Registered Mental Health Intern #IMH25031