Mental Health Archives - Cape Coral Therapists

6 Secrets to Fast-Track Change

October 4, 2024 by April Brown

Change is inevitable; it’s one of the few constants in life. Yet, despite its inevitability, embracing change can be remarkably challenging for many of us. From personal habits to societal norms, the resistance to change often runs deep within us. But why is change so hard?

The Comfort Zone Conundrum speed

At the heart of the struggle with change lies the comfort zone – that cozy, familiar space where everything feels safe and predictable. Stepping out of this zone, even for positive changes, can evoke feelings of uncertainty, fear, and vulnerability. Our brains are wired to seek safety and minimize risk, making any deviation from the norm feel like a threat to our well-being.

The Fear of the Unknown

Change often brings with it an element of uncertainty. Whether it’s starting a new job, moving to a different city, or altering a long-standing routine, the unknown can trigger anxiety and doubt. Our minds gravitate towards what’s familiar because it feels safer than venturing into uncharted territory. Fear of failure, rejection, or simply not knowing what to expect can paralyze us and prevent us from embracing change wholeheartedly.

Habitual Patterns Die Hard

Human beings are creatures of habit. We thrive on routine and predictability because it provides a sense of stability in an otherwise chaotic world. However, this reliance on habit can make breaking free from old patterns incredibly challenging. Whether it’s quitting smoking, adopting a healthier lifestyle, or changing ingrained thought patterns, our brains resist change because it disrupts the familiar neural pathways we’ve spent years reinforcing.

Social Pressures and Expectations

Beyond individual resistance, societal norms and expectations also play a significant role in why change is hard. We are often influenced by the opinions and judgments of others, which can make deviating from the status quo feel daunting. Whether it’s conforming to cultural standards, peer pressure, or family dynamics, the fear of social rejection or criticism can hinder our willingness to embrace change.

Overcoming the Resistance: Strategies for Success

While change may be hard, it’s not impossible. Here are some strategies to help navigate the challenges of change:

1. Acknowledge and Accept: Recognize that change is a natural part of life and that discomfort is to be expected. Accepting this reality can help ease the resistance.

2. Set Clear Goals: Define what you want to achieve through the change and break it down into manageable steps. Having a clear vision can provide motivation and direction.

3. Build a Support System: Surround yourself with people who support and encourage your efforts towards change. Whether it’s friends, family, or a professional network, having a support system can provide invaluable guidance and encouragement.

4. Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself throughout the change process. Understand that setbacks are inevitable and view them as opportunities for growth rather than reasons for self-criticism.

5. Stay Flexible: Remain open to adjusting your approach as needed. Change is rarely linear, and being adaptable can help navigate unexpected challenges along the way.

6. Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge and celebrate each milestone, no matter how small. Recognizing your achievements can boost confidence and momentum toward further change.

In conclusion, while change may be accompanied by discomfort and uncertainty, it also holds the potential for growth, discovery, and transformation. By understanding the reasons behind our resistance to change and implementing strategies to navigate it effectively, we can embrace change as an opportunity for positive growth and fulfillment in our lives. Are you ready for change?

Book a session now with Cape Coral Therapists and start your journey.

Written by Kellie Hatch, Mental Health Graduate Student

Filed Under: Inspire, Intimacy, kindness, Mental Health, Self-Worth, Women Empowerment

Reawakened Grief

September 27, 2024 by April Brown

Has a loved one, family member, or good friend passed away? Coping when a loved one has died can be difficult. Emotionally and mentally, your thoughts may unravel, and you feel lost. There may be times you hear a song or see a particular dish of food, and the memories of your loved one flood back. This is an example of what is called reawakened grief. Awakened grief is the flashback of emotions that flood your
mind when replaying the loss. The time frame could be weeks to years when you have experienced the death of your loved one or friend. This flood of anxiety and fear can lead one to withdraw from the scheduled or regular daily duties they used to enjoy.

I, too, have had emotions while thinking of a loved one who has died. During this grief, the feelings that may surface are tearfulness, irritability, feeling spaced out, despair, immense sadness, confusion, headaches, distraction, anger, and sluggishness (tired). Physically, you may encounter stomach aches and pains (diarrhea and nausea), dry mouth, feeling weak, body aches and pains, difficulty sleeping and concentrating, and lack of appetite.

There are ways to help cope during this difficult time. Please note that anniversary reminders are a normal response during the grief process. First, permit yourself to grieve by talking to family or friends. Talk therapy sessions can be scheduled to allow you to feel the emotions and speak openly in a confidential space. Try to maintain your health by taking care of yourself. Allow the good memories to flow and celebrate with a new tradition (plant a tree or flower). Attempting to make a favorite dish or travel to a place of great memories can provide distractions during the anniversary or major holiday. To gain more control over your life and proceed to a healthy future, take hold of grief and acknowledge it exists.

Written by Maxine Martin, Mental Health Graduate Student

Filed Under: Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health

Healing from Your Past: A Pathway to Self-Trust and Transformation

September 20, 2024 by April Brown

Our past experiences shape who we are, influencing our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in profound ways. When these experiences include trauma, betrayal, or significant loss, they can leave lasting scars that affect our ability to trust ourselves and others. However, healing from these past wounds is not only possible but can be transformative. By embarking on a journey of healing, we can learn to trust ourselves more deeply in the present moment, leading to a life of greater fulfillment and authenticity.

Understanding the Impact of the Past

The past, particularly painful experiences, can create a narrative that defines our self-worth and capabilities. For instance, if you were often criticized as a child, you might carry a belief that you are not good enough. If you experienced betrayal in a relationship, you might struggle with trusting others and, by extension, trusting your own judgment. These narratives can become deeply ingrained, operating on a subconscious level and influencing our daily decisions and interactions.

The key to changing these narratives lies in acknowledging and healing from these past wounds. This process often involves revisiting painful memories, understanding their impact on your current behavior, and working through the emotions associated with them. It’s a challenging journey, but it’s also a necessary one for fostering self-trust.

The Healing Process

Healing is a multifaceted process that requires time, patience, and often professional support. Here are some steps to consider on your healing journey:

1. Acknowledgment and Acceptance

The first step in healing is to acknowledge the pain and trauma from the past. This means allowing yourself to feel the emotions associated with these experiences without judgment. Acceptance does not mean condoning what happened but rather recognizing that it is a part of your history that needs to be addressed.

2. Seek Professional Support

Therapists, counselors, and support groups can provide a safe space to explore your past and its impact on your present life. They offer tools and techniques to help you process emotions, challenge negative beliefs, and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

3. Self-Reflection and Mindfulness

Engaging in regular self-reflection helps you gain insights into how past experiences are influencing your present thoughts and actions. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, can be particularly effective in helping you stay present and observe your thoughts and feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them.

4. Self-Compassion

Healing requires a lot of self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate through painful memories and emotions. Acknowledge your courage in facing these challenges and remind yourself that healing is a gradual process.

5. Rewrite Your Narrative

As you work through your past, you have the opportunity to rewrite the narrative of your life. This means shifting from a place of victimhood to one of empowerment. You can begin to see yourself as someone who has overcome adversity and is capable of growth and change.

Building Self-Trust in the Present

Once you start healing from your past, you create space for building self-trust in the present. Here’s how this transformation can unfold:

1. Enhanced Self-Awareness

Healing enhances your self-awareness, allowing you to understand your triggers and patterns. With this awareness, you can make more conscious choices rather than reacting based on old wounds. You learn to trust your judgment and intuition, knowing that they are informed by a clearer understanding of yourself.

2. Improved Decision-Making

When you trust yourself, you become more confident in your decision-making abilities. You learn to listen to your inner voice and value your own opinions and desires. This leads to making choices that are more aligned with your true self and values.

3. Increased Resilience

Healing builds resilience. As you confront and overcome past traumas, you develop a stronger sense of self and a belief in your ability to handle challenges. This resilience translates into greater trust in your capacity to navigate life’s ups and downs.

4. Authentic Relationships

Trusting yourself allows you to engage in more authentic relationships. You become better at setting boundaries and communicating your needs and desires. This authenticity fosters deeper and more meaningful connections with others, as you are no longer operating from a place of fear or insecurity.

5. Personal Empowerment

Ultimately, healing and self-trust lead to a sense of personal empowerment. You realize that you have the power to shape your life and make choices that bring you joy and fulfillment. This empowerment transforms your life, as you are no longer held back by past wounds but are free to pursue your dreams and aspirations.

Practical Steps to Foster Self-Trust

Here are some practical steps you can take to foster self-trust in your daily life:

1. Practice Self-Care

Regular self-care practices reinforce the message that you are worthy of care and attention. This can include physical activities, such as exercise and healthy eating, as well as emotional and mental self-care, like journaling or spending time in nature.

2. Set and Achieve Small Goals

Setting and achieving small goals helps build confidence in your abilities. Start with manageable tasks and gradually take on more challenging ones. Each success reinforces your belief in yourself and your capabilities.

3. Listen to Your Intuition

Pay attention to your gut feelings and instincts. Practice making decisions based on your intuition and observing the outcomes. Over time, you will develop greater trust in your inner guidance.

4. Celebrate Your Progress

Acknowledge and celebrate your progress on your healing journey. Reflect on how far you’ve come and the positive changes you’ve made in your life. This reinforces your self-trust and motivates you to continue growing.

5. Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Surround yourself with people who support and encourage your healing and growth. Positive relationships provide a foundation of trust and safety, which can bolster your own self-trust.

Conclusion

Healing from your past is a transformative journey that requires courage, patience, and self-compassion. As you heal, you learn to trust yourself more deeply in the present moment, leading to a life of greater authenticity, empowerment, and fulfillment. By acknowledging and addressing past wounds, you create space for self-trust to flourish, allowing you to navigate life with confidence and resilience. Embrace the healing process and watch as it transforms not only your relationship with yourself but also your entire life.

If you’re ready to end looking for cosigners on every decision in your life and are ready to step into your power, reach out to Cape Coral Therapists today.

Written by Kellie Hatch, Mental Health Graduate Student

Filed Under: Intimacy, kindness, Mental Health, Self-Worth

How Play Therapy Helps Children Conquer Anxiety

September 13, 2024 by April Brown

Working with children and guiding them through their challenges is a passion of mine over the last 15 years. Play therapy offers a holistic approach to addressing childhood anxiety, allowing children to express themselves authentically while developing essential coping skills. As a marriage and family therapist intern, incorporating play therapy techniques into my practice can make a profound difference in the lives of anxious children and their families. By fostering a therapeutic environment grounded in empathy, acceptance, and creativity, we can empower children to overcome their anxiety and thrive emotionally.

Play therapy operates on the principle that play is the language of children. Through toys, art materials, and other expressive mediums, children can communicate their inner world, fears, and anxieties in a non-threatening manner. Play therapy sessions are guided by the therapist, who observes, reflects, and empathizes with the child’s play, providing a supportive presence throughout the process.
In the context of anxiety, play therapy offers children opportunities to confront their fears, develop coping strategies, and build resilience. Whether it’s engaging in imaginative play, creating stories, or using puppets to act out scenarios, children can gain insights into their emotions and learn effective ways to manage anxiety.

Thank you for joining us on this journey through the world of play therapy.

Written by Danielle Fous, Mental Health Graduate Student

Filed Under: Anxiety, Family, Inspire, kindness, Mental Health, Self-Worth

The Path to Self-Discovery: Carl Jung’s Concept of Individuation

September 6, 2024 by April Brown

Why should I care about a psychologist that died in 1961? Well, he just may help you on your therapy journey to greater understanding and creating a life you love.

In the realm of psychology, few names evoke as much intrigue and fascination as Carl Gustav Jung. Renowned for his pioneering work in analytical psychology, Jung delved into the depths of the human psyche, unraveling intricate layers of the unconscious mind. Among his many contributions, one concept stands out prominently: individuation.

Individuation, as proposed by Jung, is not merely a psychological process but a profound journey towards self-discovery and fulfillment. It encompasses the integration of the conscious and unconscious aspects of the psyche, leading to the realization of one’s true self and unique potential. In essence, it is a quest for wholeness and authenticity.

At the core of Jung’s theory of individuation lies the concept of the collective unconscious—a reservoir of universal symbols, archetypes, and primordial images shared by all humanity. According to Jung, the individuation process involves confronting and assimilating these unconscious contents, thereby transcending the limitations of the ego and connecting with the deeper dimensions of the self.

The process of individuation is not without its challenges. It requires courage, patience, and a willingness to confront the unknown aspects of the self. Jung likened the individuation journey to a descent into the depths of the unconscious—a journey fraught with peril but rich with the promise of transformation and renewal. Along the way, individuals may encounter various psychological obstacles, such as inner conflicts, emotional turmoil, and existential crises. Working through these constellations can be helped with therapy modalities such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Internal Family Systems and Mindfulness. These experiences serve as catalysts for growth and self-
realization, ultimately leading to a deeper sense of meaning and purpose.

Central to Jung’s concept of individuation is the idea of the self—the totality of the psyche, transcending the ego and encompassing both conscious and unconscious aspects. Unlike the ego, which is concerned with individual identity and self-preservation, the self represents a higher, more inclusive level of consciousness—one that is attuned to the collective and cosmic dimensions of existence. Through the
process of individuation, individuals strive to align themselves with the guiding force of the self, thereby fulfilling their innate potential and contributing to the greater good of humanity.

Individuation is not a linear or prescriptive process but rather a highly individualized journey shaped by personal experiences, insights, and aspirations. While Jung provided a framework for understanding and navigating this transformative process, he emphasized the importance of individual autonomy and self-discovery. Each individual must forge their own path towards individuation, drawing upon their unique strengths, values, culture and creative impulses.

In today’s fast-paced and increasingly complex world, the concept of individuation holds profound relevance. In a society that often prizes conformity over authenticity, the journey towards self-discovery and wholeness is more important than ever. By embracing the principles of individuation, individuals can cultivate a deeper sense of self-awareness, resilience, and empathy, paving the way for a more meaningful and
fulfilling existence.

By embarking on your therapy journey with a focus on individuation, individuals can connect with the deeper dimensions of the self.

Written by Megan Mckeon, Registered Mental Health Intern #25199

Filed Under: Inspire, Intimacy, kindness, love, Mental Health, Self-Worth

3 Things I Wish I Knew When I Began Therapy

August 30, 2024 by April Brown

You don’t have to pretend you’re ok.

Your therapist is fully equipped to meet you exactly where you are. Being authentic in session also gives your therapist more of an accurate picture of who you are. There is no way to heal what we don’t reveal. With the understanding rapport and trust can take some time to build. It is important that when you are comfortable you feel, the more you begin to share. Therapy is meant to be a nonjudgmental and free space. A place where you don’t have to worry about judgement.

2. Do not stress so much on if you are good or bad person.

When we think we are bad people we hide the things that would support that belief. We won’t address the times we were in the wrong. We tell the half of the story that shows how much of a victim we are. This is the same with desiring to be seen as good. When the desire for goodness, surpasses the desire for healing. We trade honesty in for in for the facade of a perfect image.

3. Healing takes time

Therapy is not a magic pill that will give you relief the moment you leave your first session. Sometimes things can get worse before they get better. Uncovering the past and processing hurts can bring all those feelings rushing back. If we aren’t careful, we will leave before the miracle happens. Healing comes to those who are willing to work for it. Persistence is the magic that we need to succeed in therapy. Simply put, “Don’t give up!”

As the world continues to change around us at a rapid rate, we need unbiased places to process our experiences. My hope is that therapy can be that outlet for those who feel they have no one to listen.

Written by Tim Nelson, Registered Mental Health Intern #25977

Filed Under: Anxiety, Depression, empower, Intimacy, Mental Health, Self-Worth

Back-To-School But Make It Stress-Free

August 23, 2024 by April Brown

As summer winds down, many children are gearing up to head back to school or begin their school journey for the first time. This transition—like any other transitions whether they involve moving, starting a new job, or facing job loss—often bring stress and anxiety to all involved, and heading back to school is no exception. This post provides practical tips and strategies to help ease this transition, aiming to make the back-to-school period more manageable and less stressful for everyone involved.

Prepare
To be productive and successful, it’s crucial to know what needs to be done and when. From waking up on time to meeting work deadlines to picking up the kids from school at their release time, having a clear plan helps to manage everyday tasks more effectively. The same principle applies to new routines, like going to school. Knowing where you need to go and when you need to be there are key to organizing your day efficiently. By preparing in advance, you can reduce stressors such as heavy traffic and extra commuting time.

The unknown or unfamiliar can lead to fear and anxiety for many including children, which can manifest in problem behaviors including tantrums. Ease anxieties about new surroundings by showing videos, pictures, or virtual tours of the school and classroom. Even educational shows or movies about school settings can help. This is what an open house aims to do, however sometimes the open house is full of so much information for the parents that the child does not have adequate time to become familiar with the new classroom, school or teacher and thus taking time to make sure the child is being exposed to what going to school is like, even in a book or story, can serve as a way to make sure that the situation is not so unfamiliar that anxiety and stress arises.

Reach out to teachers, preferably before school starts, to discuss your child’s needs. Building this communication channel early ensures that teachers are aware of any special requirements and can collaborate effectively to support your child and address any special needs for your child.

Discuss any sensory conditions, dietary restrictions, allergies, behavioral strategies, or medications with the school ahead of time. Ensuring that your child’s needs are met will help them feel comfortable and safe.

The importance of routine:
A well-established routine can significantly reduce anxiety and help manage your day more effectively. Children thrive on consistency. In ABA, visual schedules are used to help reduce anxiety and manage transitions by providing a clear outline of daily activities. Visual schedules are also helpful outside of ABA, knowing what to expect and for how long is a great way to relieve anxiety and to promote success.

**How to Create a Visual Schedule: **

1. List Daily Activities: Write down everything that happens from the time your child wakes up until bedtime. Include all activities, such as school, playtime, breaks, and appointments.

2. Organize by Order: Arrange these activities in the order they occur.

3. Use Visuals: Depending on your child’s age, use pictures or printouts to represent each activity. For example, a picture of a backpack can signify “school.”

4. Create the Schedule: Attach these images to a board using Velcro. Place the board where your child can easily see it.

5. Review Together: Go over the schedule with your child to explain each activity. Even if your child is very young or non-verbal, this step is crucial for preparing them.

6. Involve Your Child: Let your child help in creating the schedule. Choosing and cutting out images can make the schedule feel more personal and engaging.

7. Follow Through: As you go through the day, refer to the visual schedule and move completed tasks to the “completed” side. This helps reinforce the routine and provides a sense of accomplishment.

8. Supervise and Support: Actively supervise your child as they follow the schedule. This not only teaches them the importance of routine but also encourages independence as they practice daily tasks.

Reorganizing Your Own Schedule:
Integrating your child’s routine into your own schedule is vital for maintaining balance and peace of mind. By planning activities such as homework, meals, and extracurriculars, you can better manage your time and avoid overbooking. Creating a visual schedule for yourself can also demonstrate the importance of organization to your child and offer a bonding experience.

Practice
Consistency is key to making routines work. By preparing thoroughly, planning with a schedule, and sticking to it, you help minimize stress and ensure that both you and your child are organized. This not only makes the transition back to school smoother but also teaches valuable skills that will benefit your child now and in the future.

By following these steps and establishing a clear routine, you can create a less stressful and more organized start to the school year as well as maintaining functional routines that aid in stress management and success.

Written by Johana Calvo, IMFT, BCaBA

Follow Johana –

LinkedIn – Johana Calvo

Instagram – @jcrelationaltherapy

Filed Under: Anxiety, Communication, Family, Inspire, kindness, love, Mental Health

Empathy’s Mirror

August 9, 2024 by April Brown

Practicing empathy towards others contributes to self-acceptance and self-love in several ways:

When we empathize with others, we put ourselves in their shoes and try to understand their experiences, emotions, and challenges. This shift in perspective helps us realize that everyone is imperfect and faces their own struggles. Recognizing the humanity and imperfections in others invites us to extend that same understanding and acceptance to ourselves. This perspective shift promotes self-acceptance by reminding us that we are not alone in our experiences and that it’s natural to have flaws and setbacks.

Empathy helps us recognize the common humanity that connects us all. When we empathize with others, we realize that we share similar limitations, concerns, and vulnerabilities with others. This understanding fosters a sense of belonging and reminds us that we are not alone in our thoughts and feelings. This shared reality prods us to develop a greater sense of self-acceptance and self-love, knowing that our experiences are part of the shared human experience.

Offering unconditional positive regard to others, which means accepting and valuing someone without judgment or conditions, is perhaps one of the great examples in this space; we learn to apply the same acceptance and kindness to ourselves. What could we be caring about that keeps us from extending that love to the person in the mirror? Self-acceptance and self-love ask that we embrace ourselves fully, just as we would embrace others.

There is something magical that happens when we empathize with others; we tap into our own capacity for empathy and compassion. The social capital that is self-love takes on new meaning and ownership. This emotional resonance helps us understand and connect with others and deepens our understanding of ourselves. The goal here is to develop a greater sense of self-awareness and self-acceptance. This process allows us to embrace our positive and negative emotions and cultivate self-love by honoring our authentic experiences.

Practicing empathy towards others creates a positive ripple effect in our own lives. When we show understanding, kindness, and compassion to others, we experience a sense of fulfillment and joy. This positive energy then extends to how we perceive and treat ourselves. By nurturing empathy towards others, we cultivate a compassionate and loving mindset that naturally extends to self-acceptance and self-love.

In summary, practicing empathy towards others contributes to self-acceptance and self-love by shifting our perspective, recognizing our common humanity, promoting unconditional positive regard, fostering emotional resonance, and creating a positive ripple effect. By extending empathy to others, we create a foundation of acceptance and compassion that ultimately strengthens our relationship with ourselves. When was the last time you were given the best of YOU? Let’s do this!

Written by Petra Wilkes, Registered Mental Health Intern #IMH25031

Filed Under: Communication, empower, Family, Inspire, Intimacy, kindness, love, Mental Health, selfless

A Holistic Approach to Parenting Challenges through Talk Therapy and Behavioral Interventions

August 2, 2024 by April Brown

Parenting is undoubtedly one of life’s most rewarding experiences, but it’s also accompanied by its fair share of challenges. From managing behavioral issues to coping with the everyday stresses of parenthood, navigating these hurdles can sometimes feel overwhelming. However, through a combination of talk therapy and evidence-based behavioral interventions, parents can find invaluable support in addressing these challenges and fostering a healthier family dynamic.

Behavioral Interventions: Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) and other behavioral interventions provide parents with practical strategies for addressing common behavioral challenges in children. These techniques focus on identifying triggers, setting clear expectations, and reinforcing positive behaviors. While ABA primarily targets the child’s behavior, parents play a crucial role in implementing these strategies consistently and effectively at home. Talk therapy can complement behavioral interventions by providing parents with the support and guidance they need to implement these techniques successfully. Therapists can help parents explore their own reactions to their child’s behavior, identify potential barriers to consistency, and develop coping strategies for managing challenging situations.

Coping Strategies: Parenting can be emotionally taxing, especially when faced with persistent behavioral challenges or unexpected obstacles. Talk therapy offers parents a safe space to process their emotions, express their concerns, and develop healthy coping strategies. Through supportive listening, validation, and guidance, therapists help parents navigate feelings of frustration, guilt, or inadequacy, empowering them to respond to challenges with resilience and self-compassion. By addressing their own emotional needs, parents can cultivate the strength and stability needed to support their children effectively.

Managing Expectations: Unrealistic expectations can contribute to feelings of stress and disappointment in parenting. Talk therapy provides parents with an opportunity to explore and adjust their expectations, both of themselves and their children. By examining their beliefs and assumptions about parenthood, therapists help parents develop more realistic and flexible expectations, reducing the pressure to achieve perfection and fostering a greater sense of acceptance and contentment. Through open dialogue and reflection, parents can align their expectations with the unique needs and abilities of their children, promoting a more harmonious and fulfilling family dynamic.

Strengthening Marital Relationships: Parenting challenges can sometimes strain marital relationships, leading to conflict, resentment, or feelings of isolation. Talk therapy offers couples a space to address these issues openly and constructively, improving communication, strengthening emotional bonds, and fostering greater mutual support. By exploring their individual perspectives and experiences, couples gain insight into each other’s parenting styles, values, and priorities, enhancing their ability to collaborate effectively as co-parents. Additionally, therapy provides couples with tools and techniques for resolving conflicts, managing stress, and nurturing their relationship amidst the demands of parenthood, ultimately promoting a more resilient and satisfying partnership.

In conclusion, talk therapy and behavioral interventions offer a comprehensive approach to addressing the challenges of parenting. By combining emotional support, practical strategies, and collaborative problem-solving, parents can develop the skills and resilience needed to navigate the complexities of parenthood with confidence and compassion. Whether managing behavioral issues, coping with stress, adjusting expectations, or strengthening relationships, therapy provides parents with invaluable resources for fostering a nurturing and supportive family environment where children can thrive.

Written by Shannon Parrinello IMH24291, Registered Mental Health Intern

Filed Under: Anxiety, Depression, Family, Intimacy, kindness, love, Mental Health

Stay, Go or Fall for the Subtle Settle?

July 26, 2024 by April Brown

Did you even notice that talking about the ups & downs of relationships is not easy? In fact, most adults have bits and pieces of past relationships that they haven’t shared with another soul. Have you explored relationship status discussions as of late or do you (like many) avoid them at all costs? There is an old joke in which one partner says to the other…”I said I loved you forty years ago, if that changed, I would have let you know!” This may be funny but it is a recipe for disaster and dissolution of unions! Hence, it may be time for you to take a closer look. I believe you are worth it and relationship exploration can help understand past history which affects future success.

Let’s have an honest, open-minded look at your past & present romantic relationships?
Happiness and fulfillment for most couples includes good communication, faith, empathy, patience, forgiveness, intimacy and more. Romantic relationships can come in many forms, some good, some great, some meh, some bad and others downright terrible! All have the power to change our lives, for better or for worse. Most directly correlate with the desires of our heart. This accounts for the fact that romantic attachments often include the most incredible and unfortunately, some of the absolute worst moments and days of our lives.

Truth be told, most adults know when our romantic relationships rock.
What’s more, our “wise minds” also recognize when our relationships become unsatisfying, uninspiring or even toxic.
We may struggle to verbalize or even admit it to ourselves but few can deny relationship status after a careful examination of conscience. For this reason, we should call it what it truly is and do something if it is not working in our life stories.

Rating relationships might look something like this…
Your partner makes you a better person, lifts your spirits, treats you well, listens with empathy, shares interests, etc.
In this case, you are blessed with a good match.
Better yet, if your heart skips a beat when your eyes connect across the room…BINGO! BANGO!!!
On the other hand, if your partner brings you down, is emotionally, mentally or physically abusive, cheats, lies and repeatedly leaves you unsatisfied, this match may be toxic and you may need to (as the expression goes) RUN!!!
It is easy for most to identify the toxic, knock-down, drag-out fighting, manipulating, gaslighting,
cheating, crying, etc. but what about the not so obvious troubled relationships?
The relationships that contain little, if any, spark. They are less threatening, less exciting, less
dramatic and produce less or zero butterflies in our bellies. I’m talking about the subtle settle partnerships.
The links that beg us to ponder,
“Should I stay or should I go?” or “Am I settling for less than I deserve?”
The subtle settling in a mundane or less than satisfying affair may include complacency, familiarity and a bit of boredom. Perhaps this is a relationship that started out slowly and failed to launch. It may be a friendship that formed when one or both parties feared being alone more than being a part of a couple that often contemplates what might be missing. If your relationship is falling short of your expectations or your core values are not in line with your actions and behaviors, it may be time to reinvent, reboot or remove this relationship for better mental health.

American psychologist, John Gottman has labeled Four Horsemen, or hooks that interfere with relationship success. They are criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt. These behaviors can devastate and wreak havoc on romantic unions. Careful attention to the reduction or elimination of these behaviors can build strong, healthy attachments. Additionally, hard work and focus can lead to recovery and reunion for struggling couples that brave these destructive behaviors.

Some say that being alone is better than being in a relationship with the wrong person.
What do you say? As a Couples Counselor, it is not my job to answer that question or even offer advice.
I can only make observations and pose thought-provoking questions that help to reveal next best steps.
Some of these questions may include:
Do you love yourself enough to go it alone indefinitely?
Do you believe that you are already whole and that a partner should supplement and spark joy?
Do you trust your Higher Power to place your person in your life at the appropriate and well appointed time?
Does your partner make you a better person?
Are you settling for less than you deserve?
Does thinking about your partner evoke feelings of joy, peace, safety, indifference, fear, sadness or discord?
If you are unsure, you may need to explore your thoughts and feelings with the use of an emotions wheel, similar tools and a
trained professional.
If you need assistance processing or would like to have help sorting and working through issues
heavy on your heart, please reach out to one of our fabulous relationship counselors.
We care and think you deserve the very best intimacy, happiness and fulfillment in relationships near and dear
to your heart. We consider it a privilege to help create and maintain solid, stable connections and thank you for the opportunity to serve. You and your relationships are worthy of a love that meets or beats your expectations! I will leave you with this and please remember that self love is ALWAYS a part of true love!

“We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.” -John Lennon

Author & Photo Credit: Ria Ruane, MA, LMHC

Filed Under: Anxiety, empower, Inspire, Intimacy, love, marriage, Mental Health, Self-Worth

Got Questions?Send a Message!

Got Questions?
Send a Message!