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6 Ways to Increase Your Patience with Distance Learning

By: Andra Bonior Ph.D.

Six months into the pandemic’s ripple effects across the United States, many families have children at home who have not seen the inside of a school since this all began. To say I am seeing and hearing (and feeling!) exhaustion is an understatement. Juggling multiple roles without a break can be exhausting enough to cause a significant sense of hopelessness, pessimism, and irritability. Here are six tips to keep in mind when navigating this truly unprecedented stressor as a parent. And remember, like any other difficult time in life, it’s important to let yourself start fresh each morning—and go just one day at a time.

1. Remember that this doesn’t have to replicate the in-person school experience.

Yes, your middle-schooler doesn’t get the Bunsen burner this year, and your third-grader’s math lessons may lose a little vigor. But might they also be learning a little more about managing disappointment? Navigating sibling conflict? Helping their community? Cutting their dad’s hair? They may be discovering new things and growing in ways that they never would have had this not happened. And as much as that doesn’t mean that you have to be glad that we are in this situation, it is important to recognize that the deeper life lessons or opportunity for boosts in emotional intelligence that can arise even in the struggle.

2. Reach out for support.

There are millions of parents in your same boat—including plenty juggling the same confusing emails from your very same school, or the same Chromebook glitches hitting your second-grader. Have you thought about how to better build your “village” lately? Who do you rely on for support when it feels like too much? What other parents can you vent or laugh with when you are overwhelmed? Social support can provide a big boost to our mental and physical health and is a very important component of coping. But with the specific demands that are exhausting parents who are juggling multiple roles everywhere, it can be even more of a balm to talk to someone going through what you are.

3. Keep your values in mind.

When you feel overwhelmed by the homework or the technology or your constant juggling act, try to zoom out to the big picture. What is the purpose of any of this? What kind of values do you want to impart to your child? What do you want them to see in you during this time, and what kind of parent do you want to be? How do you want to look back at this time someday? Any given day—or even week—may feel like it’s going all wrong. But when you can keep your eye on a sense of larger purpose about your parenting during this time, when your kids are looking toward you to guide them through uncertainty, it can help you remember what’s important, and not get bogged down by what’s not.

4. Empathy, empathy, empathy.

When we all are feeling frazzled and burnt out, empathy is hard to extend to others—because our own tanks are so empty. But empathy can improve your patience in crucial ways when you’re dealing with the frustrations of online learning. Empathy for the teacher who might be managing her own chaos at home, empathy for your child missing their friends and having to stare at a screen for far longer than you ever would have wanted them to, and empathy for the administrators having to make decisions they could have never anticipated—it’s all justified, and important.

5. Find humor when you can.

I have worked with many people who feel guilty for having moments of levity when their friends are struggling, or who are concerned about wrongly making light of a time that for many people involves life-or-death risk calculations. But humor can be very significant in terms of emotional well-being, and it even can decrease your blood pressure and break tension to help your whole body feel better. When’s the last time you had a deep, belly laugh? And what could you do to get that again? Better yet, finding things that you and your kids can laugh about together, whether it be a TV show you share, a joke-a-day ritual, or letting loose with silly dance moves, can help increase your connection with them as well.

6. Let go of perfectionism.

Adjusting expectations is crucial not only for your perspective on your kid’s schooling but it’s vital for your own role as a parent too. I am working with so many clients who feel like “failures” because they aren’t as patient as they’d like to be with their kids, or they’re not making the perfect healthy meals that they’re seeing on social media, or they’re not having feeling especially bonded with their kids despite all the increased time spent together.

Notice the yardstick you are using to compare yourself to others. And if it is perfectionistic, ask yourself how you can start giving yourself credit just for coping and surviving—the most productive activities of all—during what may be the most challenging episode of your parenting career.

The Importance of Anxiety and Sleep

 

 

 

By: Rebecca Ray

Since the start of the pandemic, more adults is experiencing depression and anxiety symptoms while sleeping. Sleep deprivation worsens anxiety and depression, and this vicious cycle of little sleep, worry, and sadness perpetuate our loneliness and isolation.

Anxiety Symptoms

Adults juggle working from home during an uncertain financial time, sometimes late into the night. Some of us are starting to think that life IS stranger than fiction, and experience anxiety symptoms while sleeping. These symptoms can include insomnia, restlessness, panic attacks, a racing heart, sweating, and rumination. Learn how to sleep when stressed and anxious.

Natural Remedies for Insomnia and Anxiety

Learn how to calm anxiety at night. There are things you can do to improve your sleep. I recommend that people develop and follow a consistent sleep schedule and reserve your bed for sleeping and sex.

Avoid caffeine, alcohol, heavy meals, and exercise late in the day. Keep your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet. You can use a sleep mask, white noise machine, black-out curtains, and a fan to help keep your body cool and relaxed. Avoid anything longer than a 10-minute nap during the day and engage in something relaxing before bed. Create a bedtime ritual that includes herbal tea, a good book, or restorative yoga.

At night, avoid news stories and social media posts that create anxiety, and practice putting your worries away. Visualize a beautiful log cabin and be as detailed as you can while you focus on the trees and path leading to the house. One at a time, let your worries float into the house as you relax for sleep.

If you are isolating more than normal, reach out to friends and let them know you want to talk or set up a virtual meeting. Regular social interactions will help reduce your anxiety and depression.

Move your body! Research shows that regular physical activity reduces anxiety and depression while improving your health and sleep.

We cannot control the pandemic, but we can control how we care for ourselves and others. If you are struggling to sleep well at night, try these tips to calm anxiety at night and sleep better while stressed and anxious.

Anxiety Treatment 

Sleep dread is a real problem and you might experience frightening sleep anxiety symptoms. If you are experiencing anxiety at night or waking up with a racing heart, reach out to a qualified therapist for anxiety treatment that improves sleep.