When Positivity Becomes Toxic

Have you ever heard the following phrases?

• “Positive vibes only.”

• “Everything happens for a reason.”

• “Failure is not an option.”

• “Why are you so upset? So-and-so has it much worse.”

• “Look on the bright side.”

If these sound familiar, it’s because this type of mindset is glorified in mainstream culture. Toxic positivity is the belief that one should focus on the bright side of things and keep moving forward while ignoring or neglecting the negative aspects of life. While the intention is seemingly optimistic and positive, the impact is nothing short of harmful. Imagine having to be objectively strong, ambitious, successful, level-minded, in control, unaffected, emotionally stable, invincible, and perfect all the time. What an exhausting way to live! Toxic positivity essentially tells us that it’s not okay to be human because being human is messy and difficult. This is why so many people suffer in silence and feel like they’re failing in life. But what if we began looking at these positive attributes through a realistic and empowering lens rather than a dismissive one? What if we acknowledged that part of being “strong” is learning how to grow through moments of weakness? What if we believed that part of remaining “in control” is recognizing that there are things outside of our control and focusing on the things we can help? What if we accepted that part of being “emotionally stable” is becoming familiar with the emotions that hurt and feel uncomfortable and learning how to process these emotions in healthy ways? I believe we can normalize the real human experience and allow others to feel more comfortable and free to admit they aren’t doing well, ask for help, and receive support! No one should have to suffer alone or in silence.

Here are some healthier phrases to replace toxic positivity:

• “I’m here for you.”

• “I am so sorry that happened to you.”

• “You have every reason to feel that way.”

• “Do you want to talk about it?”

• “How can I support you right now?

Written by Cindy-Joy Rosado, Graduate Student in Mental Health Counseling