At some point or another, you will most likely have a partner who you feel like you never see. Your schedules are exactly opposite, or they have so many necessary projects going on that you feel like you’re never in the same room anymore.

These periods of time can feel lonely and isolating. It’s part of the tough necessities in life, but there are ways to work around them!

Active Quality Time Scheduling

If neither of your schedules seem like they ever line up to give you enough quality time, it may be necessary to actively schedule it. If you have it, consider cashing in a day of PTO, or just request a day off a few weeks ahead. It will be a needed break for you and your partner.

Small Increments

If you find that you and your partner are only together while you’re laying down in bed, eating a meal, or getting ready for the day, take this time for each other. Take ten minutes with each other in the morning, just to drink your coffee and enjoy each other’s presence. Put the phones down during dinner and watch a 30 minute show together while you eat. When you lay down in bed together, lean against each other and feel each other’s heartbeat and breath. In the five minutes you get to be together, spend it giving each other a hug. Yes, a loooong hug! Maybe not five minutes, but more than 20 seconds! Hugs that are longer than 20 seconds can help the body fight infection, lowers stress, increases dopamine, and relieves high blood pressure. A long hug can help you both to slow down for a moment and just be present with each other.

Parallel Play

If you both have projects you need to do, consider moving into the same room and doing your own things together. This is “parallel play.” While practicing parallel play, you can put on some music, a show to play in the background, or a podcast, like Bringing Intimacy Back! Listening to something together while your hands work separately strengthens the bond between people.

Being busy doesn’t mean the end of a relationship. I hope that these tips can help you and your partner find ways to make time for each other and grow closer.

When COVID-19 emerged, many people felt the need to focus on their own health and those of the loved ones in their home. After this difficult time of fear, anger, depression, anxiety and survival, it may be time to turn our attention towards helping others. After all, it is in giving that we receive and giving has healing and health benefits that may have been overlooked as we faced and overcame HUGE obstacles never faced before!

Prepare to become an exceptional neighbor, friend and community member by participating in our Random Acts of Kindness Challenge. This challenge (who doesn’t like a challenge?) is sure to make our community an even better place to live and love.

It involves a simple jar, a bag of beans and a group of wonderful people that want to model the positive change that accompanies helping others.

You may ask, how can a jar and a bag of beans create blessings like a better place to live with a stronger sense of belonging, love and joy? Well, it’s really quite simple…

Each and every time you perform a random act of kindness that truly makes a positive difference in the life of another, you toss a simple pinto bean in our Random Acts of Kindness Jar. This jar can be placed in a prominent place in your home, school or office. The giver can even write the name of that special person to memorialize your contribution. We will all feel so much better when we open our eyes and hearts to offer a helping hand i.e. visiting someone who is feeling sad, delivering a hand written card to someone who is ill or sharing a meal with someone that may need an empathic and compassionate friend. There are dozens of creative acts of kindness that will fill our jar with love. Don’t be discouraged if something doesn’t come to mind right away. Our community is overflowing with friends and neighbors that need assistance and encouragement. Opportunities to assist will present themselves to you, it is just a matter of time.

Please be on the lookout! As they say, “keep your eyes peeled” and before you know it our community will be overflowing with warm hearts and helping hands!

So, go! Go and make a difference! Go and fill your jar with love!

– Written by Ria Raune

Having and recalling vivid dreams is both a blessing and a curse. The brain’s most uninhibited creativity takes place during sleep, which can lead to wild inspiration and motivation. On the other hand, the brain is complicated and processes experiences in the waking world during sleep. Processing negative emotions and experiences can cause dreams to take a dark turn into nightmares.

The brain makes use of patterns and symbols, even to the point of seeing them when they’re not really there. This occurs as we sleep as well. When a close association is made to an action/item/place and an emotion, the brain begins to process experiences through these symbols in dreams. There are quite a few symbols that occur in dreams that are experienced by many people. Here are some of the most common ones:

Teeth Falling Out

Dreams where you are spitting your teeth out into your hand often represent loss or change. This could mean a loss of a person, a thing, or a career change.

Flying

If you dream of flying by your own power or volition (meaning not by airplane), it is often associated with positive emotions and happiness.

Not Wearing Pants

Dreaming of being somewhere and not having any pants symbolizes the feeling of betrayal in your waking life.

Going Back to School Unprepared

This one hits close to home for me. I often have dreams that I forgot I had registered in a college class and subsequently failed, forcing me to take remedial classes in my high school. This dream usually means that you’re feeling unprepared in the real world, anxious over missing something that you may have missed.

Have you ever had these common symbols pop up in your dreams? Are recurring dreams an issue for you? It’s helpful to write down and dissect the dreams you are able to remember in a journal and reflect on what your dreams may mean. I recommend purchasing the Intimacy Journal to help you process your dreams and waking experiences! The Intimacy Journal is available at https://www.bringingintimacyback.com/shop

Research has always touted the benefits of youth sports both physically and mentally. Sports can be a great way to promote socialization and teamwork as well as improve confidence and resilience. A child may meet their best friend that they share all their secrets with on the soccer field. Or they may land their gymnastic routine and begin to portray a new level of confidence. A child may even bounce back in the last five minutes of a championship game to take the lead. These are the little things that add up to make youth sports so beneficial and rewarding.

But when and how does it become too much on our young children? When do these healthy benefits begin to take a turn for the worse and have negative effects on our children? Is it the pressure from the sport itself or is it outside pressure from Parents and Coaches that are just simply too much for our children?

Research shows that, 70% of kids quit playing league sports by age 13, which is a pivotal age for confidence, self esteem and the need for a peer group. The number one reason kids are dropping out is because it is no longer fun. There is much more of an emphasis placed on winning at this age rather than fun. We as parents are unable to change the cultural around youth sports but we can certainly help shape the cultural we place around youth sports within our homes. We can begin by identifying unhealthy sporting environments for our children, that are invested with coaches who are present for the wrong reasons; we as Parents can focus on enjoyment of the sport rather that discussing results and scores immediately following competition, we can coordinate pick up games or street games that are just for FUN. To hear more about youth sports from a Certified Sports Psychology Coach be sure to check out my website www.swfltherapy.com.

For many people, one, two, or even five dollars is easily forgotten. Did you miss that pocket change when you put your pants through the wash? Remember that surprise you felt when you found the crumpled up two dollars under the couch cushions? While these few missing dollars every year remissfully pass through our consciousness,they can change the entire day or even week of the person who could end up finding them.

Proverbs 19:17 says “Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay them for their deed.” This passage may not necessarily refer to direct monetary reimbursement for charity work (sorry, but it’s unlikely you’ll get a direct deposit from a mysterious benefactor out of the blue). It more likely refers to the spiritual and emotional fulfillment that charity work gives us. It could also refer to other tangible things we need that will be provided for us. When everything just goes your way in the day, when that check hits your account a day earlier than usual, when your friend is able to help you move your furniture, all of these things are ways in which God provides for our good deeds. While there should be no reason to do charity work besides “it is a moral good,” it’s comforting to know that God sees those good deeds and will ensure that you, in turn, are taken care of.

Here is my suggestion: get $5 cash back in singles once a week. When you see someone in need, you’ll at least have one dollar for them. Then, donate at least one dollar to five GoFundMe campaigns once a week. If everyone who was able donated this way, the amount of met goals and provided meals for those in need would skyrocket!

If you’re not able to donate in that way, keep your pocket change in a jar or piggy bank. Once the receptacle is full, cash it in at the bank, a coin exchange machine, or just grab a fistful whenever you’re going out, and make that your charity fund.

If money is out of the question, give your time. Volunteering at local community gardens, harm reduction organizations, or food pantries expands access to programs that are extremely important to people who need them.

The little things can add up, in negative and positive ways. Be the positive little thing in someone’s life.

Recently my sister Becky and I were listening to an animated story from a 10 year old boy who explained to us that “girls on the playground can be real Karen’s.”

We did not understand and asked, “What is a Karen?” Using air quotes he told us that a “Karen” was a girl that who was not so nice. He further educated us to this term “Karen’s” by showing us some very entertaining YouTube videos of “Karen’s” caught on camera.

Being a curious person by nature I explored it and was further informed that a “Karen” is a pejorative term for a seemingly entitled woman who is demanding beyond the scope of what is normal. (The male version of “Karen” has many names, like “Chad”, “Greg”, or “Ken.”)

The next day my sister and I went to the grocery store. She waited in the truck for me to run in real quick. When I came out of the store I hopped in and exclaimed, “I just had my first Karen encounter!” We both laughed and I told her how I had went to the restroom and as I was exiting the back handicapped stall there was a lady was washing your hands in the sink. As I walked by her, I heard her growl, “Disgusting!” I looked back at her and said “I know.” —because I thought she was talking about the messy state of the bathroom. She set me straight quick! Vehemently saying… “No. YOU are disgusting.” My head snapped. I was like… What?! Why would she call me disgusting? I didn’t need to ask. Because, you see, a “Karen” will tell you! True to form in 1.2 seconds she spewed “you didn’t wash her hands.”

My first instinct was to explain to the lady that the handicap stalls DO have sinks in the bathroom and even a mirror.  But instead I just said, “Thank you Karen” and walked away.

Keep in mind that I am my mother’s daughter and she stepped on that Emmy Lou Hale bloodline. Her quick ill judgment and rude attitude towards me started to stir me up and I wanted to engage her. In fact, even after I walked away I found myself wanting to walk back.

In truth, if I would have had time I may have. But one thing we can know about these Karen’s—they don’t play well with others. In fact, they are agitated strangers that make judgment calls about you and your decisions.

A psychological principle at play is that there are those people just looking to pick a fight. And you can’t win a fight with a Karen. Because it takes venom and vehemence to be that mean and angry.

I do not know where this term originated. But, I would like to note that some of the kindest and most compassionate people I know are named Karen. One such Karen is my coworker and she is one of my closest friends. In sum, if you encounter a mean “Karen” I recommend that you just smile and walk away with your personal integrity. Innocence needs no defense. Some people just want to be angry and judgmental. Their aggressive statements are baiting you—trying to get you to respond. I do not want another’s critical and angry spirit affect me. So just say “bless your heart” as they do in the south, or simply walk away. I walked away but my heart rate stayed up for quite some time. In all truth it really bothered me. But it is your choice. You can choose to take the energy to explain yourself. But these “Karen’s” are not the listening types—they just want to spar with you. So save your energy for the real things and real people that matter and do not let a stranger hijack your joy.

– Dr. Kelly Bushéy

The terms “sociopath” and “psychopath” are both out of date and out of touch. They carry negative connotations with them throughout society from a history of stigmatization. Most people don’t even know what these terms used to mean, let alone what the updated diagnosis of “antisocial personality disorder” is.

Psychopathy

There is no one accepted definition of psychopathy. It is generally characterized by someone who is uncaring, reckless or violent, and manipulative. However, there are many different systems that would measure or account for “psychopathic” tendencies. None of these methods were able to scientifically identify a clear cut off point to identify someone as a “psychopath” or not.

“Psychopathy” is a highly subjective term that means different things to different people. It encompasses traits that stem from a variety of underlying mental illnesses. The term does no good in helping someone better understand their behaviors and actions because there is no clear definition. In turn, it only furthers the stigmatization of mental illnesses, trauma, and neurodivergence.

Sociopathy

The term “sociopathy” was coined in 1909 by German psychiatrist Kirk Birnbaum. It was an alternative to “psychopathy”, but with a heavier focus on the violation of social norms, as “psychopathy” is often confused with psychosis. This term is, once again, extremely subjective, as social norms change from culture to culture.

In Media

Villain and antagonists in media are often portrayed as (or even stated to be) psychopaths. This constant characterization of people who have suffered abuse in life or have struggled with mental illness as evil or inherently bad causes fear and judgement in the uninformed. In reality, those with mental illnesses are more likely to be abused than abuse others.

Antisocial Personality Disorder

Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD or APD) is a personality disorder with a set of criteria that must be met in order to obtain diagnosis. The cause of ASPD is a combination of genetic and environmental influences. Some examples of influences are neurology, hormones, family and peer relationships, abuse, and cultural values.

With positive attitudes around treatment, ASPD can be managed and individuals with ASPD can live successful lives and have meaningful relationships with others.

The easiest thing to do during a time of struggle is to throw up your hands, look up at the sky, and ask, “God, why me?” What doesn’t come easy is the answer to that question.

The truth is that there is always a reason for what God puts in our lives. There is always a reason for that roadblock. And, while in the moment it may seem cruel, there is a reason for those depressive episodes.

The reason is to temper us. A sword is made by high amounts of heat, pressure, and impact, then quenched in an oil bath. We are God’s sword and must be made in the same way.

Those difficult times are necessary to life. They help us learn about ourselves, about our boundaries, about the people we want in our lives, and how we can help ourselves and others. They make us stronger people and stronger implements for God’s work. Without hard times, we would never know the euphoric sigh of relief once we’ve come out of the darkness.

So the next time you are feeling hopelessness, exhaustion, in need of a break, take a moment and think about how blissful you will feel when you are finally able to step out of the darkness with God. Think about the rapturous joy you’ll feel when things finally begin to take an upward momentum. Think about how much more surmountable other, less difficult situations will be after this experience. Think about how much wisdom you will have gained to be used in the future.

Despite how hard things are in the moment, look to God and take a breath, thanking Them for giving you the chance to become a wiser and stronger person.

If you need insight on how Spirit works intimately within you, purchase Improving Intimacy: Self, Spirit, and Spouse!

Lives are changing for the better here at Cape Coral Therapists because of the Vacation Counseling-Couples Retreat Program and its implementation in our community and as we reach out to the World Wide Web. 

How can I tell? I can see it in the couple’s eyes…they are brighter. I can see it in their smiles…they are wider. I hear it in their words…they are kinder. I can feel their spirits soar! It is evident in their walk and the way they stand, just a bit closer, a bit taller. 

I can sense it because the kindness that we, as Counselors offer is like a smile, it’s contagious! Some couples have shared that it was the best time of their lives. This is a complement to our program and our efforts. 

Freedom of time allows couples to work with each other, guided by clinicians, in areas that are in need of attention. It affords clients/counselors the opportunity to spend as little or as much time on change for the better. It helps individuals that feel unwanted, unheard, unworthy, unhealthy, unloved, etc. to a place where s/he feels the exact opposite…wanted, heard, worthy, healthy and loved. 

One to one care allows the couple to feel their unique importance. A gentle touch, a sympathetic ear, a concerned tone of voice, and an encouraging word shows each person that they matter and are thought of. Their unique stories,  talents, abilities and histories are shared on an individual basis. They also see that their loved one is engaging and experiencing a sense of belonging. 

Lives are being changed that would otherwise may not have been changed for the better. Couples are connecting and communicating better. Families are finding peace and  reconnecting. Positive change is a complex process that most people desire but are often unable to achieve without assistance and support. The Vacation Counseling Program puts the spotlight on the exploration and discovery of ways to help couples create change in areas that lead to growth, clarity and peace. Discovering and working through unresolved issues, disguised or buried feelings and/or traumatic life experiences can shed light in the darkest places. Reexamining broken relationships, rediscovering intimacy and revisiting passions and pleasures after years can lighten even the heaviest load. Working through, reducing or eliminating roadblocks (even those that individuals may not be aware of) can lead to a tremendous increase in purpose, meaning and the couple’s life satisfaction.

Come vacation with us, and enjoy working with us towards a better, more satisfying marriage! Learn more at VacationCounseling.com!

“I have a forty-hour work weeks, chores, appointments, kids, general personal care, and you want me to think about meditation? Yeah, right.”

I hear this sentiment incredibly often in my sessions. Many lifestyles just aren’t built to accommodate what is typically thought of as meditation. But meditation can be whatever and however long you choose it to be! When life just seems to throw you one punch after the other, think about what you do in your day-to-day activities to incorporate meditation into them.

Commuting

Disclaimer!: Don’t meditate while driving your car! Keep focused on the road! This tip is only for people who use public transportation!

Now that that is said, if your commute is over fifteen minutes, that is plenty of time for a five minute meditation session! Sitting on the train, subway, or bus is a perfect time to center yourself before heading into work. Pop in your headphones, put on some calming music or a short guided meditation, close your eyes, and breathe. If you couldn’t find a seat today, upright meditation is a possibility too. Just be sure to hold on tight and don’t miss your stop!

Repetitive Tasks

Repetition is an easy way to get into a “flow state”. A flow state is when your mind and body are fully immersed in the task at hand. The action comes naturally and in a steady rhythm, so mistakes are low. In this flow state, you can easily turn your attention inward and focus on centering your mind and body as your hands move. Have to mend a clothing item? Flow state. Mopping or sweeping? Flow state! Mindless tasks are a perfect way to bring yourself back to center.

In the Bathroom

I know, but hear me out! You already bring your phone with you to the bathroom, right? You scroll down your feed continuously until suddenly, you realize ten minutes have passed! Cut that time in half and use it to meditate!

Meditating doesn’t HAVE to be on the toilet either. There are many different guided shower meditations. If you take long showers, take five minutes of that time to breath, root yourself, and let go. If you take short showers, what’s another five minutes tacked on?

The possibilities of meditation are endless. You just have to open yourself up to what meditation can look like. It doesn’t require fifteen minutes or more of silence. It can be with music, during an activity, whatever makes you feel calm and able to let go of your worries.

If you need some help meditating, buy my newest ebook, Improving Intimacy: Self, Spirit, and Spouse, on Amazon at https://amzn.to/3q6nyF0 !