Most couples underestimate the power of listening and its ability to strengthen connection. The thing is, when we listen to our partner say things that trigger us or make us feel bad, our instinct as human beings is to defend ourselves and explain why we behaved the way we did. Most of the time, the behavior is unintentional, and so we feel the need to explain ourselves.
What do you get when two completely different humans begin living under the same roof, after being raised in completely different households, with completely different values, and sometimes even completely different cultures? Misunderstandings. Sometimes, we fail to realize that these misunderstandings are unintentional and simply an inevitable product of our differences.
So, you might wonder, what is the key to working through these inevitable misunderstandings? Communication. But what is communication? What is this thing that everybody raves about being the “key” to a successful relationship? Could this mean explaining yourself in a better way? Defending yourself more? Reacting less?
None of the above. The answer is simple: listening.
Listening is virtually powerless if you are only listening to construct a rebuttal and respond to the person who is expressing themselves. However, listening is powerful when you practice active listening and listen to understand what your partner is actually expressing. Easy to practice, but much harder to execute.
Contrary to what many think, listening is a skill that needs to be learned. And most of the time, it is a transformative skill that can exponentially strengthen a relationship, but only when both partners are actively listening to understand each other.