Over the past month, I have been on a self-discovery journey, working to heal the inner parts of me, just as my clients do when they come to see me. During this journey, as I am going to my own therapy session, I have taken up reading some self-help books. The one that I have had
the biggest breakthroughs with is “Are you mad at me” by Meg Josephson. She speaks about pleasing people and trauma responses. I would highly recommend reading it. However, during this reading session, she spoke about a technique she works on with her clients and herself,
which I then tried myself: NICER. This acronym stands for:
N-Notice
I-Invite
C-Curious
E-Embrace
R-Return
The first is Notice, so notice the feeling that is coming up for you, whether it is fear, embarrassment, or loneliness. Then invite that feeling to stay for a little bit rather than running away or distracting yourself from it. Next, slightly ask the question “where do you come from?”
Be curious about this feeling. Second to last is to embrace it. “I see you fear, and that is okay”. This fear has protected me, but I no longer need it. Lastly is to return. Return to where you are by doing some grounding or coping strategies. Deep breaths or sense exercises. This technique allows you to learn more about where these feelings come from and accept them as part of you for right now. These feelings served as a warning or a protection and are there for a reason. So by pushing them down or running from them makes the thoughts and feelings louder. Talking to them and calming yourself down can help you begin to embrace those parts of yourself.
Written Tiya Delson, Master’s Level Graduate Student in Mental Health