Although mental health is something that we are all touched by, many choose to be silent about the impact of mental health on our daily lives.   While there has been more awareness with famous athletes being open about their struggles; many people often choose to struggle on their own.  This week we celebrated World Mental Health Day to bring more awareness to the issue. COVID19 has also brought more awareness, because the struggle became more open.  It is less of a taboo to say you are struggling with depression or anxiety.   

Mental health problems are the results of a combination of age, genetic and environmental factors.  We do not have the ability to change our age or genetics.  We have some control over environmental factors.  We can reduce some of the environmental effects by being more mindful of the products we consume.  For example, we can use natural or organic cleaning products.  We can also choose natural or organic personal hygiene products.  We can be proactive when it comes to the food we eat.

Nutrition is an important factor that is often overlooked when it comes to mental health. There is a growing field of research linking food and the development, treatment, and prevention of mental health disorders.  The link between diet and mental health suggests we need to shift our thinking.  We need to be choosy about what we eat.  We need to think about how food makes us think, feel, and behave.

Many of us at some points have experienced the effects of food on our mood.  Think about it.   When we are depressed, we find foods that change our mood.  Have you ever had a breakup and reached for comfort foods?  Because you felt sad and the food made you feel better.  How about when you eat something that brought a fond (or sad) childhood memory.

Good health means taking a holistic approach.  When we have cancer or diabetes or hypothyroidism, we eat foods that promote our physical health.  When we feed our bodies, we have to think deeper about the impact of food not only on our physical health but our mental and spiritual health as well.

Lately we have been hearing about the Gut Brain connection.  Our gastrointestinal (GI) tract has even been called our second brain.  That is no accident when we consider that the GI tract is home to billions of bacteria that influence the production of neurotransmitters.  Yes, the same neurotransmitters that affect our mood.  These neurotransmitters send chemical messages from the gut to the brain all day long.  

Now consider the effects of the food we eat on the production of dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine levels. These neurotransmitters play a major role in mood regulation.  For example, low norepinephrine causes fatigue and brain fog. Norepinephrine is link to depression Serotonin is also known as the happy hormone.  Up 90% of serotonin is produced in the gut, the rest is produced in the brain.  Serotonin is responsible for our quality of sleep; serotonin is converted into melatonin in the brain.   Optimal serotonin levels help to promote a deep peaceful sleep so awake recharged.  Low serotonin means low mood and depression.  Dopamine is produced in many areas of the brain.  It is responsible for things like movement, goal setting, motivation, and personality.  Low dopamine levels cause food cravings, procrastination, mood swings, feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness.  Dopamine is also associated with Parkinson’s disease.  Lifestyle changes can help to promote optimal levels of dopamine including meditating, deep breathing, and nutrition. 

We all know that sugar is bad for us.  It causes inflammation in the body.  It feeds cancer cells.  It spikes our blood sugar levels.  Parents are often concerned about their kids having a sugar high.  But have you ever thought about the impact of food on the gut brain connection?  Health foods or nutrient dense foods help with the production of good bacteria that promotes the production of neurotransmitters.  Foods that lack nutrients hinder the production of neurotransmitters. Sugar is one of those foods.  Sugar may initially spike dopamine levels, so you feel good but then there is a drop in dopamine you feel down for hours.  Healthy foods maintain dopamine levels and help to keep our mood stable.

There are simple changes that you can make in your diet to promote your mental health.  One of the best things to do for your mental health is to eat whole foods.  These foods are minimally processed and have only a few ingredients.  Eat plant-based foods, they contain fiber that absorb sugar.  Think whole grains, fruits and vegetables.  Foods that promote dopamine levels include selenium, blueberry extract, beta-phenylethylamine (meats, eggs, cheese, chocolate, and oats).  Foods that promote serotonin levels include tryptophane rich foods (shrimp, turkey, spinach).  You can also take supplements like P5P (active ingredient in vitamin B6), methyl B12, folic acid, magnesium, and niacinamide.  To promote norepinephrine, eat whole foods like fruits vegetables, eggs, meat, poultry, seafood, nuts, healthy fats (olive oil, coconut oil, etc.) herbs and spices.  

We are what we eat.  Diet has a significant effect on mental and physical health.  So eat real foods.  Eat to nourish your brain.

Written by Chemenda Sawyer

Why am I here? Ok, so not the deep philosophical question of “Why am I here?” but more the “What is my role here?”.  Going a step further, let’s take a look at why I, April Daniel am here but also why you are here. 

First, I can tell you why I am here with great certainty.  I am here because I enjoy helping others.  Because we have all been through difficult times on our journey and none of us are perfect.  Because sometimes, we need that extra something to get us back on track or ready to continue to the next step, whatever that step is.  I am here to listen, to help, to assist, to encourage, to comfort, and sometimes, even to challenge you.  As a therapist, observing someone enter a therapy session full of confusion or despair and then leave having gained insight or having found some relief or hope is very rewarding.  

This brings me to why you are here.  If here is reading this blog or here is considering therapy for the first time or the first time in a long time, I can only imagine why you are here.  There is a world full of reasons to seek therapy.  A lifetime of reasons to seek therapy.  And all are valid reasons.  If you think you could benefit from a therapeutic experience, then you’re right!  You can!

I have two favorite quotes.  Ok, make it three. The first, is “Growth and comfort cannot coexist”.  I will attribute this to an unnamed instructor at some point in my educational journey when I needed to hear it.  This simply embodies the notion that if you are uncomfortable in yourself, your relationship, your life, your job, or in your own home then you are being challenged to an opportunity for growth!  When we are comfortable, we can become very stagnant and complacent in our lives and most likely we are not growing.  Whenever I am being challenged in some way, I try to wade through those negative thoughts that might tell me “I can’t” or “I shouldn’t” or “This is too hard” and focus on this opportunity to grow as a person, which is empowering.

This leads me to my second favorite quote which comes from Alice Walker.  She said, “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any”.   Just take a second to think about that.  Feeling empowered comes from within and it begins with how we think about ourselves.  We think we’re powerless, so we are.  Not to say we can control all situations.  Instead, saying we can gain control of ourselves by tapping into inner strengths and available resources.  As a counselor, I am also an advocate for my clients in all aspects of their lives.  The goal is to lift the lid on those fears, negative thoughts, and anxious moods to learn more about ourselves and how we think.  This is what allows us to move beyond that powerlessness and into a more empowered life.

My third and final favorite quote is, “Worry is like a rocking chair, it will give you something to do but you won’t get anywhere doing it”.  Some variation of that quote has been attributed to several different people, but this version is my favorite.  We have all spent too much time at some point worrying about or avoiding situations, other people, or eventualities.  At this moment, we could all pinpoint some part of our lives where we are stuck and would like to actually get somewhere.  Somewhere better.

So, there you have it. Answering the big questions. If you think therapy is something you could benefit from or are curious and would like to know more, make the phone call, send the email, submit the request.  Even if it’s not with me, if you would rather see another therapist for any other reason – that is ok.  As a matter of fact, scientific research has proven success in therapy is largely based on the relationship between the therapist and the client(s).  If it doesn’t work the first time, try again.  You’ll know when you feel safe enough, comfortable enough, “insert-your-needs-here” enough to continue with the therapist that fits with YOU.  Who knows? You may gain additional insight into why you are here, or you may just learn more about where you want to be and start setting goals to get there.

written by April Daniel

Narcissism, a term we hear but what exactly does it mean? The definition of a narcissist is “a person who has excessive interest or pleasure, or admiration of themselves.” In other words, someone who is self-centered, unwilling to admit fault, lacks empathy, and struggles to make emotional connections. How one develops this personality trait stems from several different factors including childhood trauma, being raised by a narcissistic parent, feeling the need to manipulate situations to meet their own needs, just to name a few. When dealing with a narcissist, there are certain behavioral patterns that they exhibit that can be abusive and toxic to a relationship, also known as the “Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse”.

Here are 4 characteristics of the narcissistic abuse cycle: 

1. Feels threatened: an upsetting event occurs the narcissist feels threatened, the abused becomes nervous and begins to walk on “eggshells”
2. Abuses Others: in order to intimidate, the narcissist will engage in some sort of abuse (mental, physical, verbal, physical, sexual, financial) to intimidate. The abused will eventually get tired and fight back.
3. Becomes the victim: the narcissist will bring up abused defense behaviors as a form of abuse to create this image of self-victimization causing the abused to feel remorse and guilt.
4. Feels empowered: the victim’s feelings of remorse and guilt, enables the narcissist behavior, causing them to feel superior. This cycle is a very toxic and emotionally/mentally draining one. It is very important to develop boundary setting skills to begin to break free from this cycle. 

If you find yourself identifying with this cycle of abuse, there is still hope to break free from this toxic relationship cycle. Connecting with a therapist can help you to identify these patterns of behaviors and learn to develop the necessary tools to set boundaries, find your voice, and build the confidence to break free. 

– Written by Jessica Sagastume. LMHC, NCC, FL Family Mediator

I love counseling.  It’s like walking in your shoes, living out your experience.  Not only do I learn about you and your challenges, I also feel some of what you feel.  I get to see some of your worst moments. I vicariously feel your fear, loneliness, and confusion.

Forgive me for this comparison.  I use it only to give you a clearer picture of what can happen in a counseling session.  …  Have you been to Disney World, ridden on a roller coaster, walked through the Haunted House?  When I hear your story I am taking a ride in your experience, your life, your trauma and pain.  I am not doing this in order to entertain myself.  This ride, your ride, is sometimes scary, dark, and completely disorganized. I take this seriously.

Counseling is about sharing experience, and about understanding it on an emotional level.  It is not just the story; it’s what you feel.  In our profession, we call that empathy. …Empathy requires the ability to communicate, to see and hear what you feel.  I don’t want you to feel alone in your emotional experience.  Good counseling requires the ability to communicate on this intimate level, for you to be understood on the deepest level possible, and for me to communicate that understanding.

In the counseling office we create a setting that is conducive to this kind of communication.  It is quiet, private, comfortable, uninterrupted.  We use soft voice tones, subdued lighting.  We make eye contact and sometimes we lean in, focusing on what you are saying and feeling.  Do we lose these elements when we go to online counseling?

When Covid began, in the winter of 2020, I stopped seeing clients in the office.  I am old and fat, with heart disease, etc.  I am not sitting in a room breathing someone else’s air.  Just sayin’. …  So, I went to online counseling only, and I am still using this method – online streaming communication.  There were some surprises for me when I did this.

I had clients I had seen for months and for years in the office.  Within three weeks of going online, three clients had  good breakthroughs  I was astonished when I realized that I was reading their emotions more accurately.  In the office the lighting was dim and we sat eight to twelve feet apart.  Online there was standard room lighting, and the visual distance between us is about two to three feet.  Visually we were closer.  Empathy was better, not worse.

There are other considerations.  Neither the client, nor the counselor have to hassle traffic on the way to the office.  No one waits in a waiting room.  We are both comfortable in our home environment.  We are more relaxed, and relaxation leads to more authenticity.  You get to be yourself, in your own home.

There are a few precautions for online counseling.  Please, do not use a telephone screen on your end.  You need a larger visual presence of your counselor.  Like watching a movie, a bigger screen and better sound help you to focus and to feel present in the scene.  Make sure you have good bandwidth and up to date software.  Make sure that you will not be interrupted in the session.  Having the kids in the other room will not do – someone else should be watching them.  They will interrupt if they are able.  Minimize distractions.  You need to focus on a deeper emotional level.

Online counseling is very effective, and can be as good or even better than counseling in the office.  The key elements are privacy, your ability to focus (screen size helps here), and the caring attitude that you share with your counselor.

-Written by David Hall, LMHC

When you catch your reflection as you walk past the grocery store window, there are three common reactions. The “I look good,” the “keep walking, I have places to be,” and the “oh… that’s what I look like?”

I can almost guarantee that everyone has experienced all three of these reactions. And while the last reaction can help someone make healthy choices, it can also lead someone down a dangerous and self-destructive path. Ultimately, the last reaction is what we want to avoid. That doesn’t mean avoiding all reflective surfaces, but rather sitting with ourselves and our bodies until there is a love and appreciation of where we are.

A great place to start on the self-love journey is to find parts of yourself that you already enjoy. They can be physical and non-physical. Once you’ve identified those parts of yourself, like your eyes, your cheeks, your unwavering bravery, write affirmations based on those parts. When these affirmations are said daily, those identified parts begin to be the first things you see when you look in the mirror.

Another great way to cultivate self-love is to sit with your body and not criticize it. Meditate by yourself, look at your body, and thank it for everything it does for you. It keeps your heart beating, it keeps your eyes blinking, it carries you everywhere you go. Your body takes a beating as you go through your routine. Make you give it the appreciation it deserves.

An important step in self-love is to not compare yourself to others. This may mean unplugging from social media for some time. Sites like Instagram are full of Photoshopped and airbrushed pictures, and the constant stream of eerily perfect people has effects on our subconscious. Recognize that the pictures you see every day more than likely are edited to some degree and continue to remind yourself of it. Eventually, the impossible-to-achieve standard you set for yourself will become realistic and obtainable.

The alignment between our mind and body is incredibly important, but is rarely taught. It takes active steps to achieve that alignment. Take those steps and begin your journey.

If you need some help with self-love, get the Intimacy Journal from Bringing Intimacy Back. The weekly prompts will help you reflect on your journey of becoming intimate with yourself.

Have you seen the videos of irate customers giving flack to employees? Seeing those outrageous displays makes me think about how people have become so quick to anger. I think “Jeez, I’m glad I’m not as negative as them.”

But recently I’ve been noticing that I have a shorter fuse too. While I don’t raise my voice or throw things, I tap my foot in frustration and think “Come on, I need to go!” After doing some self-reflection, I heard how I needed to readjust my attitude loud and clear.

I heard God say to me, “How would you like it if I treated you like that when you hurt me?”

God is incredibly patient with us. When we stray away from the holy path, we are not forced back onto it. God waits for us to reach out, sends us some signs if we need it, but ultimately allows us to go back to him if we make a mistake. When we make a mistake, we are not berated for it. We are told to do better and then are allowed to walk forward.

I realized I needed to implement that God-like patience into my life and give it to the people I come across. Mistakes happen and no amount of verbal abuse directed at a store clerk is going to change that. The only thing we can do is take a breath, nod, and ask “Okay, how can we fix this?”

At some point or another, you will most likely have a partner who you feel like you never see. Your schedules are exactly opposite, or they have so many necessary projects going on that you feel like you’re never in the same room anymore.

These periods of time can feel lonely and isolating. It’s part of the tough necessities in life, but there are ways to work around them!

Active Quality Time Scheduling

If neither of your schedules seem like they ever line up to give you enough quality time, it may be necessary to actively schedule it. If you have it, consider cashing in a day of PTO, or just request a day off a few weeks ahead. It will be a needed break for you and your partner.

Small Increments

If you find that you and your partner are only together while you’re laying down in bed, eating a meal, or getting ready for the day, take this time for each other. Take ten minutes with each other in the morning, just to drink your coffee and enjoy each other’s presence. Put the phones down during dinner and watch a 30 minute show together while you eat. When you lay down in bed together, lean against each other and feel each other’s heartbeat and breath. In the five minutes you get to be together, spend it giving each other a hug. Yes, a loooong hug! Maybe not five minutes, but more than 20 seconds! Hugs that are longer than 20 seconds can help the body fight infection, lowers stress, increases dopamine, and relieves high blood pressure. A long hug can help you both to slow down for a moment and just be present with each other.

Parallel Play

If you both have projects you need to do, consider moving into the same room and doing your own things together. This is “parallel play.” While practicing parallel play, you can put on some music, a show to play in the background, or a podcast, like Bringing Intimacy Back! Listening to something together while your hands work separately strengthens the bond between people.

Being busy doesn’t mean the end of a relationship. I hope that these tips can help you and your partner find ways to make time for each other and grow closer.

When COVID-19 emerged, many people felt the need to focus on their own health and those of the loved ones in their home. After this difficult time of fear, anger, depression, anxiety and survival, it may be time to turn our attention towards helping others. After all, it is in giving that we receive and giving has healing and health benefits that may have been overlooked as we faced and overcame HUGE obstacles never faced before!

Prepare to become an exceptional neighbor, friend and community member by participating in our Random Acts of Kindness Challenge. This challenge (who doesn’t like a challenge?) is sure to make our community an even better place to live and love.

It involves a simple jar, a bag of beans and a group of wonderful people that want to model the positive change that accompanies helping others.

You may ask, how can a jar and a bag of beans create blessings like a better place to live with a stronger sense of belonging, love and joy? Well, it’s really quite simple…

Each and every time you perform a random act of kindness that truly makes a positive difference in the life of another, you toss a simple pinto bean in our Random Acts of Kindness Jar. This jar can be placed in a prominent place in your home, school or office. The giver can even write the name of that special person to memorialize your contribution. We will all feel so much better when we open our eyes and hearts to offer a helping hand i.e. visiting someone who is feeling sad, delivering a hand written card to someone who is ill or sharing a meal with someone that may need an empathic and compassionate friend. There are dozens of creative acts of kindness that will fill our jar with love. Don’t be discouraged if something doesn’t come to mind right away. Our community is overflowing with friends and neighbors that need assistance and encouragement. Opportunities to assist will present themselves to you, it is just a matter of time.

Please be on the lookout! As they say, “keep your eyes peeled” and before you know it our community will be overflowing with warm hearts and helping hands!

So, go! Go and make a difference! Go and fill your jar with love!

– Written by Ria Raune

Having and recalling vivid dreams is both a blessing and a curse. The brain’s most uninhibited creativity takes place during sleep, which can lead to wild inspiration and motivation. On the other hand, the brain is complicated and processes experiences in the waking world during sleep. Processing negative emotions and experiences can cause dreams to take a dark turn into nightmares.

The brain makes use of patterns and symbols, even to the point of seeing them when they’re not really there. This occurs as we sleep as well. When a close association is made to an action/item/place and an emotion, the brain begins to process experiences through these symbols in dreams. There are quite a few symbols that occur in dreams that are experienced by many people. Here are some of the most common ones:

Teeth Falling Out

Dreams where you are spitting your teeth out into your hand often represent loss or change. This could mean a loss of a person, a thing, or a career change.

Flying

If you dream of flying by your own power or volition (meaning not by airplane), it is often associated with positive emotions and happiness.

Not Wearing Pants

Dreaming of being somewhere and not having any pants symbolizes the feeling of betrayal in your waking life.

Going Back to School Unprepared

This one hits close to home for me. I often have dreams that I forgot I had registered in a college class and subsequently failed, forcing me to take remedial classes in my high school. This dream usually means that you’re feeling unprepared in the real world, anxious over missing something that you may have missed.

Have you ever had these common symbols pop up in your dreams? Are recurring dreams an issue for you? It’s helpful to write down and dissect the dreams you are able to remember in a journal and reflect on what your dreams may mean. I recommend purchasing the Intimacy Journal to help you process your dreams and waking experiences! The Intimacy Journal is available at https://www.bringingintimacyback.com/shop

Research has always touted the benefits of youth sports both physically and mentally. Sports can be a great way to promote socialization and teamwork as well as improve confidence and resilience. A child may meet their best friend that they share all their secrets with on the soccer field. Or they may land their gymnastic routine and begin to portray a new level of confidence. A child may even bounce back in the last five minutes of a championship game to take the lead. These are the little things that add up to make youth sports so beneficial and rewarding.

But when and how does it become too much on our young children? When do these healthy benefits begin to take a turn for the worse and have negative effects on our children? Is it the pressure from the sport itself or is it outside pressure from Parents and Coaches that are just simply too much for our children?

Research shows that, 70% of kids quit playing league sports by age 13, which is a pivotal age for confidence, self esteem and the need for a peer group. The number one reason kids are dropping out is because it is no longer fun. There is much more of an emphasis placed on winning at this age rather than fun. We as parents are unable to change the cultural around youth sports but we can certainly help shape the cultural we place around youth sports within our homes. We can begin by identifying unhealthy sporting environments for our children, that are invested with coaches who are present for the wrong reasons; we as Parents can focus on enjoyment of the sport rather that discussing results and scores immediately following competition, we can coordinate pick up games or street games that are just for FUN. To hear more about youth sports from a Certified Sports Psychology Coach be sure to check out my website www.swfltherapy.com.