Aromatherapy is a holistic treatment method that has been used for emotional and physical ailments since ancient times.  Essential oils derived from plants are either inhaled or absorbed through the skin to promote mental well-being and ease physical discomfort.  Today, this method is not always recognized as a valid form of treatment in the medical community, but this is mostly due to a lack of research.  Research on the effectiveness of essential oils is limited and problematic, in part because study participants can identify different oils by smell and therefore the results can’t be randomized or unbiased. Success rates for essential oil therapy vary from person to person, but using oils in conjunction with professional mental health treatment might improve well-being.

Lavender

Lavender essential oil is one of the most commonly used in aromatherapy and has many purported benefits.  Lavender has a soft, pleasant smell that helps create a sense of calm. A study conducted in dental offices found that patients waiting anxiously for procedures felt more at ease when lavender was diffused in the room.  Women in labor are often encouraged to use lavender essential oil by doulas and midwives to help ease nervousness and anxiety. Additionally, one study found that diffusing lavender after giving birth may help ease symptoms of depression associated with hormonal fluctuation.  Lavender is also commonly used for sleep issues and can act as a sedative. One study found that when added to a healthy bedtime routine, participants who inhaled lavender reported better quality sleep and more energy during the day.

Cedarwood

Cedarwood essential oil has been found to have stress-relieving properties, especially for those who experience high stress at work or school.  Inhaling cedarwood at work was shown in one study to improve performance and promote focus.

Frankincense

Frankincense has been said to help lift mood and balance hormones, especially in women.  One study which used frankincense alongside other oils known to promote relaxation found that the combination was effective in alleviating depression for terminally ill patients, and may have helped with pain management as well.

Chamomile

Chamomile is often used to treat many physical symptoms that are associated with inflammation.  Chamomile acts as an anti-inflammatory and can restore balance to aggravated bodily systems. Additionally, chamomile has been shown to ward off symptoms of depression and help increase motivation.  Chamomile is especially recommended when anxiety and depression are causing digestive issues, as it may help promote relaxation while also alleviating inflammation in the gut.

Grapefruit

Grapefruit essential oil has an uplifting and invigorating effect and may help you feel more energized.  It is also commonly recommended to help fight cravings when in recovery from addiction to drugs or alcohol.  People in early sobriety often battle a wide range of mental health issues and withdrawal symptoms that may last for weeks or months.  Essential oil therapy is a holistic method that may be added to an addiction treatment program to help increase the chances of success and promote lasting wellness.

Use with Caution

There are certain risks to take into consideration before beginning an aromatherapy practice.  Some people find they have allergies or adverse reactions to certain oils, so it is important to proceed with caution when being exposed to a new type of oil.  There is also a wide range of quality available when it comes to essential oils, and it is important to do your research and purchase only therapy-grade oils for home use.  Some oils that are considered safe for most people can have negative effects on pets, children, and pregnant women. When diffusing oils into the air in your home or office, it is best to dilute the oil with water as much as possible while still being able to smell the fragrance.  Additionally, some essential oils have adverse interactions with certain prescription medications, so it is important to consult your doctor before use. While essential oils can have amazing benefits for many individuals struggling with  addiction and mental illness, they are not a replacement for professional care.  Many quality treatment programs now incorporate a holistic wellness plan into recovery, allowing you the freedom to find what works best for you.

Depression may look different from person to person, but at its core, the illness often causes people to feel lonely, inadequate and misunderstood. One of the most prevalent symptoms of depression is a feeling of isolation. At times, people with depression may isolate because they don’t want to inflict their pain on the people they love; other times, it’s because they’ve been hurt by others–well-meaning and otherwise–and aren’t able to trust enough to be vulnerable when they’re depressed.

When someone with depression withdraws from loved ones without communicating why it leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation. I’ve seen this with my clients and in my own life. One partner may not understand why the other is distant, distracted, or even angry. They may wonder what they did to offend the other person, or they may be frustrated or hurt that their partner has suddenly detached from them.

Being able to talk openly about mental illness is critical for the health and survival of a long-term relationship. Here are some pointers I’ve found that may assist in connection, understanding, and support.

1. Communicate. The importance of healthy, effective communication cannot be overstated. I see this both in my own life and with my clients. Communication is always important, but when you are suffering from depression or another mental health issue, it needs to take top priority. Even the simple statement “I’m depressed” can let your partner know you’re not just upset about traffic or bills.
2. Be with your partner. If your partner is living with depression, it makes sense that you’d want to jump in and offer advice. However, someone who is depressed often knows what they need to do to feel better, but they don’t have the energy to do so at that moment. In these situations, it is very powerful to simply be with your partner. Accept that this is part of your relationship with your partner instead of trying to change or cure them. Holding their hand, maintaining eye contact, and engaging in active listening can help your partner far more than offering suggestions for things they should be doing.
3. Provide the basics. Depression often affects a person physically as well as mentally and emotionally. Basic comforts like drawing a warm bath, providing a meal or a cup of tea, or even giving a back rub for shoulders tight with stress can be huge for someone suffering from depression. Because depression often makes people feel unworthy or unattractive, words of encouragement are also vital. Finding ways to be intimate when your partner is not feeling well shows sensitivity and relieves pressure when they may be feeling inadequate.
4. Give reminders and encouragement. People with depression sometimes believe the things they are feeling are a result of who they are as a person, which can result in self-loathing. They may feel shame or guilt for not being able to better control how they feel. Remind your partner that their depression does not define them and that they are separate from it. You might also remind them that depression is an illness, and like any other illness, they are not to blame for getting sick. Try pointing out strengths and past successes, which will serve to empower them and remind your partner that they will eventually feel better again.

Don’t romanticize your spouse’s life

If you’ve never traveled for work, it might seem like a pretty sweet gig: All expenses paid in upscale restaurants; clean, cozy hotel rooms; no carpools, sibling rivalry or dishes to deal with. But for the most part, work travel is, well, work. There’s almost never time to explore and enjoy the city like you normally would when on vacation, the work is often exhausting and the experience can be painfully lonely.

For the traveling spouse, home can sound like heaven — forgetting all the day-to-day duties and stresses that come with home life that the non traveling spouse has to deal with all the time.

Be flexible

When you’re traveling, don’t try to micromanage your spouse’s schedule and routine. And when you come home and it isn’t quite what you remember or like it to be, try to blend in instead of trying to disrupt what’s working. Don’t second-guess your spouse’s decisions.

Connect with your spouse every day

Don’t fall victim to the “out of sight, out of mind” phenomenon. Marvelous technology can help you stay in touch: Use it. Skype or Face-time with your husband or wife. Share pictures. Stay connected and keep communicating. In fact, over-communicate: Keep your spouse in the loop about everything  how long you’ll be gone, who you’re with and what you’re doing, what’s up at home. By communicating these details, you’re creating a greater level of safety and trust.

Spend time together when you’re both at home

Look for activities you can do together — ones that create unity, bonding and attachment.

If you have a relationship with God or religion, some couples have found that praying together was a wonderful opportunity to bond. “Nothing brings a couple closer than prayer.”

Take care of yourselves

A good relationship with a traveling spouse isn’t just about finding opportunities for togetherness. It’s also about fostering mental and emotional health while apart. Make sure that the non-traveling spouse is getting time away from the kids and is spending some “friend” time with other adults to re-energize. Meanwhile, the traveling spouse should be sure to get rest, exercise and downtime.

Re-evaluate the need for travel

Is your spouse fully on board with the travel schedule? If not, then your marriage “team” is losing. Always prioritize your spouse and marriage above a job.

If frequent trips are creating constant headaches for the non-traveling spouse, figure out a way to fix the problems. Hiring a lawn service, for instance, if the spouse is overwhelmed with yard work. But if the real issue is the absence itself. Missing out on too many special moments, for instance, or watching the kids grow up from afar, then maybe it’s time to find a new job or figure out a way to cut down on travel. Whatever the solution, make sure it’s a win for both people.

Guard your marriage

Avoid relationships that could damage your marriage. Be careful how you cope with the loneliness of being away from your spouse. Connecting and emotionally investing with opposite-sex colleagues or friends can set you up for an affair.

Art therapy integrates psycho-therapeutic techniques with the creative process to improve mental health and well-being.

Everyone who has ever held a job has, at some point, felt the pressure of work-related stress. Any job can have stressful elements, even if you love what you do. In the short-term, you may experience pressure to meet a deadline or to fulfill a challenging obligation. But when work stress becomes chronic, it can be overwhelming — and harmful to both physical and emotional health.

Work-related stress doesn’t just disappear when you head home for the day. When stress persists, it can take a toll on your health and well-being.

A stressful work environment can contribute to problems such as headache, stomachache, sleep disturbances, short temper, and difficulty concentrating. Chronic stress can result in anxiety, insomnia, high blood pressure, and a weakened immune system. It can also contribute to health conditions such as depression, obesity, and heart disease. Compounding the problem, people who experience excessive stress often deal with it in unhealthy ways such as overeating, eating unhealthy foods, smoking cigarettes or abusing drugs and alcohol.

Taking Steps to Manage Stress

• Track your stress level. Keep a journal for a week or two to identify which situations create the most stress and how you respond to them. Record your thoughts, feelings, and information about the environment, including the people and circumstances involved, the physical setting and how you reacted.
• Develop healthy responses. Instead of attempting to fight stress with fast food or alcohol, do your best to make healthy choices when you feel the tension rise. Exercise is a great stress-buster. Yoga can be an excellent choice, but any form of physical activity is beneficial. Also, make time for hobbies and favorite activities.  Getting enough good-quality sleep is also important for effective stress management. 
• Take time to recharge. To avoid the negative effects of chronic stress and burnout, we need time to replenish and return to our pre-stress level of functioning.  Don’t let your vacation days go to waste. When possible, take time off to relax and unwind, so you come back to work feeling reinvigorated and ready to perform at your best. 
• Learn how to relax. Prayer, other techniques such as meditation, deep breathing exercises and mindfulness ) can help melt away stress. Start by taking a few minutes each day to focus on a simple activity like breathing, walking or enjoying a meal. The skill of being able to focus purposefully on a single activity without distraction will get stronger with practice and you’ll find that you can apply it to many different aspects of your life.
• Talk to your supervisor. Employee health has been linked to productivity at work, so your boss has an incentive to create a work environment that promotes employee well-being. Start by having an open conversation with your supervisor. The purpose of this isn’t to lay out a list of complaints, but rather to come up with an effective plan for managing the stress you’ve identified, so you can perform at your best on the job.
• Get some support. Accepting help from trusted friends and family members can improve your ability to manage stress. If you continue to feel overwhelmed by work stress, you may want to talk to a psychologist, who can help you better manage stress and change unhealthy behavior.

1. Create your own marriage or relationship rules. People don’t always know how to start this process, but they really like this idea! They find it to be eye-opening, beneficial and helps create a conversation about their relationship.

2. Before you get into any discussion, determine the emotional mood you are in and then communicate that to the other person. Ask, “Is this a good time to talk?” If not, ask when might be a good time? Schedule a time and then both people need to honor the plan.

3. Forgo technology one night a week. Research has proven that overuse of technology can negatively affect relationships.

4. Request an apology if you think you deserve one. Be the one to extend the olive branch once in a while.

5. Mind-reading does not work and is futile—though, people keep trying. It’s your responsibility to tell your partner what you want and need. It is not his or hers to figure it out.

6. Take certain trigger words off the table, I am leaving/I am out of here—especially in the heat of an argument.

7. If your partner is making an honest attempt to repair the relationship, then try and make a physical connection.

8. Negotiating is not the same as complaining. Negotiating means that you state clearly, without fighting or blaming, how the status quo needs to change, embarking on a new direction.

9. Learn how to self-regulate! By this, I mean, manage your own emotions. You are responsible for yourself, not anyone else.

10. Use your energy to take care of yourself and not to try and manage another person. This does not work and is also just as futile as mind-reading.

11. Have respect. If they ask you to do something, do it.

12. Be kind even when they are not. Again, be the one to extend the olive branch once in a while.

13. Learn how to not take things personally all the time. I see this often and this prevents a person from taking ownership where it’s needed, and discarding ownership of an issue when it is not warranted. It’s not always about you.

14. Be flexible in your thinking, how you solve a problem and be open to other alternatives and options. People have a tendency to be close-minded and overly opinionated. These traits get in the way of good communication and thwart progress.

15. Stay on topic by asking, “What is the real issue?” I often see couples who, once a conversation turns heated, throw in the “kitchen sink,” which means all unresolved issues and sensitive spots of the other is fair game.

16. Tone and inflection go a long way. They really do. Just a change in inflection in one or two words will change the course of the conversation. So does start a statement with “I” versus “you.” Nothing sends a person into defensiveness mode more than a statement that begins with “you.”

17. Employ the 5:1 ratio. For every negative comment, you should be stating 5 positive comments.

18. Add humor! Be a little lighthearted. Humor has a way of diluting and diffusing tension and has immeasurable positive results. Keep in mind that it’s about creating the conversation and encouraging compassion for one another that will steer you away from the confrontation and criticism.

These are just a handful of strategies to improve communication.

What has worked for you in your relationship? Which of these tips would be the most valuable for you to remember?

Pushing Through The Hard Times….

Every married couple experiences their share of pain, disconnection, betrayal, and extraordinary stress. Some discover that if they will push through together and not make enemies of each other in the process, the beauty they experience on the other side far surpasses anything they could have imagined for themselves.

If you’re in a tough season, I’m praying for you to have the strength to keep going, keep tending, keep nurturing, and keep investing in your relationship. I’m praying you’ll experience the beauty on the other side when you choose together to stay married.

The new year can be a tough time for relationships. communication, finances, and stress can cause strain in your life.

Call Dr. April Brown today for more information at 239-565-6921 or fill out a form at https://www.draprilbrown.com/contact-us/ and she will help answer your questions as soon as possible.

Therapists are often asked by couples how to best prepare for couples counseling.

It’s a typical question, but the answer will vary depending on the couple.

Good couples therapy offers a variety of skills for each individual to be the best version of themselves so that they can help the relationship be the best version of itself. Couples therapy will never ask you to abandon your beliefs or core values. In fact, good couples therapy will help you and your partner find common ground to help bring out the best of each other. Before going to couples therapy, it’s important to ask yourself what type of partner you would like to have so that it can shape the type of partner you want to become.

Do you think your relationship is falling short of where you would like it to be? Here are three tips on how to prepare for couples counseling.

Only Start When You’re Both Ready

No matter how much you may think your relationship needs counseling if you’re both not ready and willing it simply will not work. Feelings of anxiousness or nervousness are normal, but, no good couples therapist will be able to help a relationship if either partner is hostile or resentful toward the decision of counseling. There’s no shame in not being ready, couples therapy is challenging for both partners. In addition to motivation, timing and assertiveness are just as important when considering couples therapy. Therefore, before making your partner commit to something they don’t want to be a part of, it’s very important to make sure you both are on the same page about seeking couples counseling.

Discuss Shared Goals with Your Partner

Once the two of you have discussed and decided that you’re ready for couples counseling, it’s equally as important that the two of you discuss shared goals. Discussing these goals beforehand can not only help the counseling process but will also help the two of you get the most out of it as possible. Consider asking these questions beforehand:

How do we want to grow as a couple?

What are we currently struggling with?

What have we struggled with in the past?

How is our conflict management?

What do we both want out of life?

You can expect to grapple with some pretty heavy questions in couples counseling. Discussing goals with each other can help the two of you be ready to gather and discuss your thoughts with each other.

Expect To Share Some of Your History

One of the best ways to predict the future is to assess the past. Therefore, before going to your first couples counseling session, it’s important to remember that questions regarding your history are likely to arise. Though it may not seem important, your history can help your therapist understand what kind of environment you grew up in and how you relate to others. Good couples therapy will require honest communication and assessment from both partners. It may be difficult to share at first, but the progress that can be made is infinite.

Quality Counseling Services in Cape Coral and Fort Myers, Florida

No matter the problems that you and your partner want to address in couples therapy, communication is the most essential step in beginning that process. A good couples therapist will help you understand each other’s point of view and discover new ways to restore compassion and intimacy for one another. After several sessions, your relationship will not only become stronger, but you will also find that the two of you are more skillful with one another, leading to greater satisfaction in your relationship.

Since 1997, Dr. April Brown has been in the counseling field. She believes that intimately connecting with ourselves, others, and our Higher Power can eliminate the conflicts, anxiety, and depression in our lives so that we can be empowered to know and live a purposeful life. This mission has led Dr. April Brown to a 20-year career where she has effectively empowered thousands of individuals, couples, and families to break down the barriers that cause fear so that they can embrace true intimacy in their lives.

Is your relationship ready to start couples counseling?

Call Dr. April Brown today for more information at 239-565-6921 or fill out a form at https://capecoraltherapists.com and she will help answer your questions as soon as possible.