On our Latest Bringing Intimacy Back show, we had guests, Dr. David Hall. Dr. David Hall is a Registered Mental Health counselor that provides services to individual, group, and couples therapy. Dr. Hall also integrates faith as an important component of care. One of Dr. Hall’s most important passion is Faith-based counseling or called Transformational Prayer. During the podcast, David discussed the challenges that he faced in his younger years, his personal struggle within his marriage, and what healed is marriage and finding his calling in life and what his path has taught him, the pain throughout the process, and healing from it all. During these recent times of COVID-19 and the recent tragedy of George Floyd, David also expressed his thoughts on racism. It was an honor to have Dr. Dave Hall on the Bringing Intimacy Back show. 

To connect with David Hall:

dave@peaceandmeaning.com

www.peaceandmeaning.com

www.facebook.com/Peace-and-Meaning-Counseling-Services

by; Christine Carter, Ph.D.,

Like many young people around the world, this is a kid who has weathered some deep disappointments in the last month. She was studying at an art school, a once-in-a-lifetime semester program, when COVID-19 hit. Classes aren’t the same when you don’t have the materials, studio, and equipment you need for printmaking, sculpture, and developing your film.

1. Acknowledge their loss

It’s true that their disappointment about not going to prom or having graduation is trifling compared to the tragedies that thousands of families are facing right now. Many people have lost family members who they didn’t get to say goodbye to, loved ones who died alone and terrified in an ICU.

And it’s also true that our kids’ losses and their resulting grief are real. Most of them don’t have the life experience that would help them put something like a canceled prom into perspective. Discounting their very real frustration and sadness will only make them feel worse. We adults can help them feel better by acknowledging both their losses and also their feelings about the loss. Empathy is a powerful medicine.

2. Name their feelings

If you are raising or teaching teenagers, you already know that adolescents experience their emotions much more intensely than adults. This is normal and appropriate and it can be distressing to us as adults. To be truly empathic, we need to listen without trying to fix or take away their grief. Helping kids identify what they are feeling can, ironically, ease their pain. If your adolescent starts telling you a story about an imagined future, perhaps bringing up worst-case scenarios in which they aren’t able to go off to college gently bring them back to what they are feeling right now, about the current disappointment.

3. Teach them about grief

You may recognize that your teenager is grieving, but your teenager probably doesn’t. There is power in naming what teens are experiencing as grief; it helps them acknowledge and validate their own experience. We adults can’t deliver teens straight to acceptance, but we can try to model it. By accepting these challenging circumstances, and also by accepting our own and our teens’ feelings, we can bring a calm acceptance to our household.

4. Help them find meaning

Meaning comes from the light we find in dark times. It might come from the gratitude we feel for our family or a sense of awe that overcomes us on a hike. And, often, meaning comes from helping others. Again and again, research has shown that even in dire circumstances we feel better when we turn our attention to supporting others. This is true for teenagers as well. It’s not surprising that teens who provide tangible, emotional, or informational support to people in crises tend to feel more strongly connected to their community. They cope with their own challenges more effectively, and they feel more supported by others.

As we approach what is likely to be a long summer for our kids mine all had jobs and plans that are now in question we can ask them: How can you be helpful to others during this time? How can you channel your frustration and anger? Our questions may or may not spark something in them. They may not be ready or able to find meaning. Whether or not they see it now, meaning will likely come from simply enduring this difficult time. These kids, even the full-grown ones who are now living with us again are getting a crash course in dealing with discomfort and disappointment.

While it’s true that a joyful life comes from positive emotions, it also comes from resilience from having the tools needed to cope with life’s inevitable difficulties and painful moments. The silver lining for this generation is that, like it or not, they are gaining the skills they need to cope with difficulty. Fortunately, these are skills that will serve them for the rest of their lives.

By: Jason Spendelow Ph.D.

Grieving the loss of a loved one may be especially challenging right now.

Bereavement is a painful, stressful, and difficult journey at the best of times. But grieving the loss of a loved one may be especially challenging during the  COVID-19 pandemic.

Why Does the Pandemic Create Additional Strain for the Bereaved?

We live in highly uncertain times, and we are surrounded by fear, anxiety, and illness. But this pandemic will be especially stressful if already grieving the loss of a loved one. Some of the reasons for increased stress may include:

• Being less able to receive in-person support from friends and family, potentially leading to a greater sense of isolation and loneliness.
• A decrease in activity levels which may lead to more “thinking” time and a reduced ability to use hobbies and interests as helpful distractions.
• High levels of social, health, and occupational uncertainty, reducing stability in life as you grieve, which can create difficulty planning for the future.
• More frequent reminders about illness and death, including the fear that you will experience further loss.

There will be other stressful factors but, as we can see, the coping resources of a bereaved person are under severe strain in the context of the pandemic. You must have a clear game plan to help manage the additional challenges caused by COVID-19.

Coping Strategies

Here are some suggestions to help support your well-being while grieving during the pandemic:

• Acknowledge that grieving at this time is more challenging than coping with loss outside a health crisis. You have additional sources of stress to contend with, so you must practice self-compassion. Signs of self-criticism might come in the form of beliefs like “I should be doing better than this” or “I am failing to keep it together.”
• Staying connected to others is very important if you are grieving AND socially isolated. Often we don’t feel like talking to others after losing a loved one. If you lack this motivation, try to book times for phone calls and video chats.
• Alternate between “loss” and “restorative” activities. This idea comes from the dual-process approach to grief which says that people move been loss-related activities (e.g., looking at photos of the deceased, crying, talking about the person) and restorative exercises (e.g., making plans for the future, spending time on hobbies).
• Consider minimizing the time you spend watching the news. It is sensible to be aware of major announcements by government and health officials. Outside of that, don’t watch the news if it increases your stress levels.

Everyone is living under difficult and stressful circumstances. The pandemic will be especially challenging for the bereaved. Having a clear coping plan is essential, and some of the strategies suggested above may form a part of that plan.

The pandemic, of course, changed all that, and seemingly everyone involved in the delivery of mental health care suddenly was pushed to use this technology…or else.  To help, states have been rushing to modify existing laws and regulations in an effort to make the service available to as many people as possible during this increased time of need.

Now several weeks into this new “experiment,” we are starting to get a sense of how this is working.  Not unexpectedly, the response from both clients and clinicians has been mixed. Some find the new technology distracting and difficult to learn, and some find the interactions more stale and impersonal. Others, however, love the format and are finding some unexpected benefits to telehealth within the realm of mental health treatment. In my own practice, several families have announced to me that even when in-person appointments become available, they would prefer to keep at least most of the visits online.

As more and more of these appointments take place, a number of important and interesting considerations have also arisen that have sparked debate and discussion. Many have come up before, but with the massive number of new people now using telehealth, there is now a much wider audience.