1. Create your own marriage or relationship rules. People don’t always know how to start this process, but they really like this idea! They find it to be eye-opening, beneficial and helps create a conversation about their relationship.

2. Before you get into any discussion, determine the emotional mood you are in and then communicate that to the other person. Ask, “Is this a good time to talk?” If not, ask when might be a good time? Schedule a time and then both people need to honor the plan.

3. Forgo technology one night a week. Research has proven that overuse of technology can negatively affect relationships.

4. Request an apology if you think you deserve one. Be the one to extend the olive branch once in a while.

5. Mind-reading does not work and is futile—though, people keep trying. It’s your responsibility to tell your partner what you want and need. It is not his or hers to figure it out.

6. Take certain trigger words off the table, I am leaving/I am out of here—especially in the heat of an argument.

7. If your partner is making an honest attempt to repair the relationship, then try and make a physical connection.

8. Negotiating is not the same as complaining. Negotiating means that you state clearly, without fighting or blaming, how the status quo needs to change, embarking on a new direction.

9. Learn how to self-regulate! By this, I mean, manage your own emotions. You are responsible for yourself, not anyone else.

10. Use your energy to take care of yourself and not to try and manage another person. This does not work and is also just as futile as mind-reading.

11. Have respect. If they ask you to do something, do it.

12. Be kind even when they are not. Again, be the one to extend the olive branch once in a while.

13. Learn how to not take things personally all the time. I see this often and this prevents a person from taking ownership where it’s needed, and discarding ownership of an issue when it is not warranted. It’s not always about you.

14. Be flexible in your thinking, how you solve a problem and be open to other alternatives and options. People have a tendency to be close-minded and overly opinionated. These traits get in the way of good communication and thwart progress.

15. Stay on topic by asking, “What is the real issue?” I often see couples who, once a conversation turns heated, throw in the “kitchen sink,” which means all unresolved issues and sensitive spots of the other is fair game.

16. Tone and inflection go a long way. They really do. Just a change in inflection in one or two words will change the course of the conversation. So does start a statement with “I” versus “you.” Nothing sends a person into defensiveness mode more than a statement that begins with “you.”

17. Employ the 5:1 ratio. For every negative comment, you should be stating 5 positive comments.

18. Add humor! Be a little lighthearted. Humor has a way of diluting and diffusing tension and has immeasurable positive results. Keep in mind that it’s about creating the conversation and encouraging compassion for one another that will steer you away from the confrontation and criticism.

These are just a handful of strategies to improve communication.

What has worked for you in your relationship? Which of these tips would be the most valuable for you to remember?

Pushing Through The Hard Times….

Every married couple experiences their share of pain, disconnection, betrayal, and extraordinary stress. Some discover that if they will push through together and not make enemies of each other in the process, the beauty they experience on the other side far surpasses anything they could have imagined for themselves.

If you’re in a tough season, I’m praying for you to have the strength to keep going, keep tending, keep nurturing, and keep investing in your relationship. I’m praying you’ll experience the beauty on the other side when you choose together to stay married.

The new year can be a tough time for relationships. communication, finances, and stress can cause strain in your life.

Call Dr. April Brown today for more information at 239-565-6921 or fill out a form at https://www.draprilbrown.com/contact-us/ and she will help answer your questions as soon as possible.

Therapists are often asked by couples how to best prepare for couples counseling.

It’s a typical question, but the answer will vary depending on the couple.

Good couples therapy offers a variety of skills for each individual to be the best version of themselves so that they can help the relationship be the best version of itself. Couples therapy will never ask you to abandon your beliefs or core values. In fact, good couples therapy will help you and your partner find common ground to help bring out the best of each other. Before going to couples therapy, it’s important to ask yourself what type of partner you would like to have so that it can shape the type of partner you want to become.

Do you think your relationship is falling short of where you would like it to be? Here are three tips on how to prepare for couples counseling.

Only Start When You’re Both Ready

No matter how much you may think your relationship needs counseling if you’re both not ready and willing it simply will not work. Feelings of anxiousness or nervousness are normal, but, no good couples therapist will be able to help a relationship if either partner is hostile or resentful toward the decision of counseling. There’s no shame in not being ready, couples therapy is challenging for both partners. In addition to motivation, timing and assertiveness are just as important when considering couples therapy. Therefore, before making your partner commit to something they don’t want to be a part of, it’s very important to make sure you both are on the same page about seeking couples counseling.

Discuss Shared Goals with Your Partner

Once the two of you have discussed and decided that you’re ready for couples counseling, it’s equally as important that the two of you discuss shared goals. Discussing these goals beforehand can not only help the counseling process but will also help the two of you get the most out of it as possible. Consider asking these questions beforehand:

How do we want to grow as a couple?

What are we currently struggling with?

What have we struggled with in the past?

How is our conflict management?

What do we both want out of life?

You can expect to grapple with some pretty heavy questions in couples counseling. Discussing goals with each other can help the two of you be ready to gather and discuss your thoughts with each other.

Expect To Share Some of Your History

One of the best ways to predict the future is to assess the past. Therefore, before going to your first couples counseling session, it’s important to remember that questions regarding your history are likely to arise. Though it may not seem important, your history can help your therapist understand what kind of environment you grew up in and how you relate to others. Good couples therapy will require honest communication and assessment from both partners. It may be difficult to share at first, but the progress that can be made is infinite.

Quality Counseling Services in Cape Coral and Fort Myers, Florida

No matter the problems that you and your partner want to address in couples therapy, communication is the most essential step in beginning that process. A good couples therapist will help you understand each other’s point of view and discover new ways to restore compassion and intimacy for one another. After several sessions, your relationship will not only become stronger, but you will also find that the two of you are more skillful with one another, leading to greater satisfaction in your relationship.

Since 1997, Dr. April Brown has been in the counseling field. She believes that intimately connecting with ourselves, others, and our Higher Power can eliminate the conflicts, anxiety, and depression in our lives so that we can be empowered to know and live a purposeful life. This mission has led Dr. April Brown to a 20-year career where she has effectively empowered thousands of individuals, couples, and families to break down the barriers that cause fear so that they can embrace true intimacy in their lives.

Is your relationship ready to start couples counseling?

Call Dr. April Brown today for more information at 239-565-6921 or fill out a form at https://capecoraltherapists.com and she will help answer your questions as soon as possible.