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The Nicer Technique

January 9, 2026 by

Over the past month, I have been on a self-discovery journey, working to heal the inner parts of me, just as my clients do when they come to see me. During this journey, as I am going to my own therapy session, I have taken up reading some self-help books. The one that I have had
the biggest breakthroughs with is “Are you mad at me” by Meg Josephson. She speaks about pleasing people and trauma responses. I would highly recommend reading it. However, during this reading session, she spoke about a technique she works on with her clients and herself,
which I then tried myself: NICER. This acronym stands for:

N-Notice
I-Invite
C-Curious
E-Embrace
R-Return

The first is Notice, so notice the feeling that is coming up for you, whether it is fear, embarrassment, or loneliness. Then invite that feeling to stay for a little bit rather than running away or distracting yourself from it. Next, slightly ask the question “where do you come from?”
Be curious about this feeling. Second to last is to embrace it. “I see you fear, and that is okay”. This fear has protected me, but I no longer need it. Lastly is to return. Return to where you are by doing some grounding or coping strategies. Deep breaths or sense exercises. This technique allows you to learn more about where these feelings come from and accept them as part of you for right now. These feelings served as a warning or a protection and are there for a reason. So by pushing them down or running from them makes the thoughts and feelings louder. Talking to them and calming yourself down can help you begin to embrace those parts of yourself.

Written Tiya Delson, Master’s Level Graduate Student in Mental Health

Filed Under: empower, healing, Inspire, kindness, Mental Health, Psychotherapy, Self-Worth

The Healer Needs Healing Too: Self-Care for Mental Health Professionals

January 2, 2026 by

As mental health professionals, we dedicate ourselves to holding space for others offering safety, empathy, and stability in moments of crisis and vulnerability. But in doing this essential work, we often overlook one simple truth: healers need healing too. Self-care isn’t indulgence. It is a necessary, ethical component of our practice. In fact, the American Counseling Association (ACA) states that counselors have an obligation to engage in self-care practices to maintain their effectiveness and avoid impairment (ACA, 2014). Let’s explore how to prioritize our own mental well-being while continuing to support others.

1. Acknowledge Your Humanity
It may seem obvious, but it’s essential: mental health professionals are human. We experience grief, exhaustion, joy, and confusion just like our clients. Emotional labor takes a toll over time, especially in trauma-exposed environments (Figley, 2002). Giving ourselves permission to feel and to tend to our emotional needs fosters longevity in the field.

Tip: Reflective journaling, supervision, and debriefing with peers can help mitigate the impact of vicarious trauma.

2. Set Boundaries That Protect You
The ability to model healthy boundaries begins with maintaining our own. Chronic overextension, responding to messages after hours, or skipping breaks can lead to compassion fatigue and burnout (Maslach & Leiter, 2016). Clear boundaries are not barriers they are bridges
to healthier, more sustainable helping relationships.

Tip: Designate work hours and personal hours and honor them consistently.

3. Embrace Rest and Joy Without Guilt
We often delay rest under the illusion that we must “earn” it. But rest is not a reward; it is essential. Engaging in activities unrelated to our work promotes resilience and helps prevent emotional exhaustion (Skovholt & Trotter-Mathison, 2016). Joy is not just a luxury it’s
protective.

Tip: Schedule time for joy: dancing, painting, resting, gardening, or anything that brings life back into your body.

4. Utilize Your Own Support System
Seeking supervision or therapy is not a sign of weakness it’s a sign of insight. The National Association of Social Workers (NASW, 2017) encourages professionals to seek support when personal problems interfere with professional functioning. Regular check-ins with a therapist,
coach, or supervisor reinforce our ethical commitment to client care and our own wellness.

Tip: Normalize therapy for the therapist. Your clients benefit when you are supported too.

5. Engage in Regular Self-Check-Ins
Burnout rarely arrives all at once it builds quietly. Routine self-check-ins can help you track emotional well-being and intervene early. Are you feeling hopeful? Are you dreading sessions? Are you experiencing emotional numbness? These signs matter and deserve attention.

Tip: Use a simple weekly “check-in scale” (1–10) to track how fulfilled, energized, and supported you feel in your work.

Final Thoughts: You Matter Too
Mental health professionals are change agents, emotional caregivers, and resilience-builders. But we cannot pour from an empty cup. The work we do is important—but so is our well-being. Self-care is not optional. It is a professional responsibility and a personal right.
You are worthy of the same care and compassion you offer others.

Written by Sherline Herard, MH24002 Licensed Mental Health Counselor

References
American Counseling Association. (2014). ACA Code of Ethics.
https://www.counseling.org/resources/aca-code-of-ethics.pdf

Figley, C. R. (2002). Compassion fatigue: Psychotherapists’ chronic lack of self-care.
Journal of Clinical Psychology, 58(11), 1433–1441. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.10090

Maslach, C., & Leiter, M. P. (2016). Burnout. In G. Fink (Ed.), Stress: Concepts,
Cognition, Emotion, and Behavior (pp. 351–357). Academic Press.

National Association of Social Workers. (2017). NASW Code of Ethics.
https://www.socialworkers.org/About/Ethics/Code-of-Ethics/Code-of-Ethics-English

Skovholt, T. M., & Trotter-Mathison, M. (2016). The resilient practitioner: Burnout
prevention and self-care strategies for counselors, therapists, teachers, and health
professionals (3rd ed.). Routledge.

Filed Under: Communication, Family, healing, Intimacy, kindness, love, marriage, Mental Health, Psychotherapy, Self-Worth, selfless

How to Set Realistic Traditions So the Holidays Do Not Feel Like a Performance

December 23, 2025 by
The holidays often come with a long list of expectations. Decorations, gatherings, gifts, and perfect moments can make the season feel more like something we are supposed to “perform” rather than something we get to enjoy. Many people find themselves moving through the motions without feeling connected to what truly matters.
Several things can contribute to this pressure. Social media shows highly curated versions of the holidays. Family patterns can make us feel obligated to maintain traditions that no longer fit our lives. A natural desire to please others can also lead to doing far more than we have the capacity for.
A healthier holiday season starts with identifying your realistic capacity for this year. Your energy and emotional bandwidth shift depending on what you have been carrying. Ask yourself what feels nourishing, what feels draining, and what you have been doing only out of guilt or habit. Awareness helps you stay grounded and prevents burnout.
Once you start exploring your capacity, let your values guide the traditions you keep. What brings you joy? Even if it’s something small, like having a cup of hot chocolate, can be a great place to start if you’re finding it difficult to brainstorm. If connection is important to you, a small and cozy gathering may feel far more meaningful than a large event. If rest is your priority, simple decorating might be enough. When your choices align with your values and what brings you joy, the season becomes more intentional.
It’s also okay to release traditions that no longer serve you. Letting go can bring up guilt, but traditions are meant to evolve as you do. Communicating your needs gently can help others adjust, but your well-being is still important even if others resist the change.
When you simplify, you create space for presence, connection, and comfort. Doing less does not mean you care less. It means you are choosing a holiday that feels authentic and sustainable. This season, consider asking yourself: What would it look like if I allowed the holidays to be simple and meaningful instead of perfect?

Written by Brittani Garcia, M.A.

Clinical Mental Health Counseling Intern
Cape Coral Therapists
Filed Under: Anxiety, Depression, empower, healing, Inspire, kindness, love, Men's Mental Health, Mental Health, Narrative Therapy, Psychotherapy, Self-Worth, Women Empowerment

Attachment and Healing: Why Relationships in Therapy Matter

October 31, 2025 by

When we think of therapy, we often imagine sitting across from a kind, quiet professional, talking about our past or processing today’s struggles. But one of the most powerful forces for healing isn’t just the talking — it’s the relationship that forms in the room.

At the heart of many emotional wounds is a story about attachment — how we learned (or didn’t learn) to feel safe, loved, and seen in connection with others. In therapy, we’re given a chance to write a new story.

What Is Attachment?

Attachment is the emotional bond we form with our caregivers early in life. Through this bond, we begin to answer foundational questions:

● Is the world safe?

● Will others show up for me when I’m hurting?

● Is it okay to need, to cry, to ask for help?

● Can I trust love to stay?

When early relationships are secure, we often grow up feeling emotionally balanced, confident, and connected. But when caregivers are inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, overly controlling, or unable to meet our needs, we may carry forward wounds that quietly shape how we relate — not just to others, but to ourselves.

How Attachment Wounds Show Up

Attachment wounds don’t always come from overt trauma. They often live in the small, unspoken patterns of everyday life:

● Feeling like you’re “too much” or “not enough”

● Difficulty trusting others

● Fear of abandonment — or fear of being smothered

● Craving constant reassurance, or pushing people away

● Loneliness, even when you’re in a relationship

● A belief that love must be earned, managed, or controlled

Terms like anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment styles describe these responses —not as flaws, but as adaptive strategies. Your nervous system learned how to protect you, even if it made closeness feel unsafe.

Why Therapy Can Heal Attachment Wounds

Therapy offers something profoundly rare: a consistent, attuned relationship where you’re allowed to be fully human — messy, guarded, emotional, angry, needy, silent — and still be met with warmth and care.

Healing begins when:

● You risk vulnerability and are still accepted

● You express anger or fear and the therapist stays

● You explore shame, grief, or longing without being judged

● You begin to feel worthy — not because you’re perfect, but because you’re you

The therapeutic relationship can become a secure base — a place where your attachment system gently begins to rewire. You learn, over time, that you don’t have to perform, shrink, or disappear to be loved.

What Healing From Attachment Looks Like:

Healing attachment wounds doesn’t mean you’ll never feel anxious, triggered, or scared again. It means:

● You notice those patterns more quickly

● You communicate your needs with more clarity and less fear

● You recognize who feels safe — and who doesn’t

● You offer yourself grace when old wounds resurface

● You create relationships rooted in respect, reciprocity, and emotional safety

You begin to relate — to yourself and others — not from fear or survival, but from self-trust and inner steadiness.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve ever felt like something is wrong with the way you love or connect, know this: you are not broken. You are a human being who adapted in the best way you could to the relationships and experiences that shaped you.

Therapy doesn’t “fix” you — because you were never broken. It offers you a space to come home to yourself, one session, one relationship, one breath at a time. Your healing is possible — and it begins in relationship.

Written by Jennifer Freel, Registered Mental Health Intern IMH26129

Filed Under: Anxiety, Couples/Marriage, Depression, EMDR Therapy, empower, healing, Intimacy, love, marriage, Mental Health, Psychotherapy, Self-Worth

The Therapeutic Power of Cold Exposure

October 24, 2025 by

In recent years, cold exposure therapy has gained attention not only among athletes and biohackers, but also within the mental health and wellness communities. While it might seem counterintuitive to voluntarily plunge into icy water or expose the body to freezing temperatures,
a growing body of evidence suggests that cold exposure can be a powerful adjunct to therapeutic practices for both mind and body.

Cold exposure involves deliberately subjecting the body to cold temperatures for short periods, typically through ice baths, cold showers, cryotherapy chambers, or natural bodies of cold water. The idea is not to induce suffering, but rather to activate the body’s adaptive systems
in a controlled and beneficial way.

Research and anecdotal reports have shown that cold exposure can significantly support mental health. One of the key mechanisms is the activation of the sympathetic nervous system and the release of endorphins, dopamine, and norepinephrine. These neurochemicals are
associated with improved mood, increased alertness, and reduced symptoms of depression and anxiety. Cold exposure also promotes resilience. When practiced regularly, it helps individuals build a tolerance to stress—a process called hormesis. This controlled, short-term stress can enhance the body’s ability to manage long-term stressors, making it a useful tool in treating anxiety disorders, PTSD, and chronic stress.

On the physical side, cold exposure reduces inflammation and muscle soreness, making it a common recovery tool for athletes. But its benefits extend further—it can help regulate blood sugar, improve sleep, support immune function, and even increase metabolism through the activation of brown fat. Chronic inflammation has been linked to a wide range of health issues, including autoimmune diseases and depression. Cold therapy’s anti-inflammatory effects can therefore play a role in integrative treatment plans for these conditions.

While cold exposure might seem like a purely physical challenge, the real transformation happens in the brain. The mental health benefits of cold therapy are rooted in powerful shifts in neurochemistry, stress regulation, and brain plasticity. Cold exposure triggers the release of
norepinephrine, a key neurotransmitter involved in focus, attention, and mood regulation. Studies have shown that norepinephrine levels can increase two- to five-fold during cold immersion. This surge helps sharpen mental clarity and boost energy levels. Emerging evidence suggests that cold exposure disrupts the default mode network, the brain system responsible for self-referential thinking, rumination, and mind-wandering. Overactivity in the DMN is commonly observed in depression and anxiety. Cold exposure, particularly to the face or neck (like with cold showers or breath-focused practices), stimulates the vagus nerve—a key player in the parasympathetic nervous system. Improving vagal tone has been shown to enhance emotional regulation, calm the body after stress, and support mental recovery.

Cold exposure is not a cure-all, but it can be a powerful complement to traditional therapies such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), talk therapy, medication, and mindfulness practices. When used mindfully and with guidance—especially for individuals with heart conditions or mental health sensitivities—it can support deeper healing and transformation.

In summary, cold exposure therapy taps into our body’s primal systems to boost resilience, clarity, and well-being. It offers a simple, natural, and surprisingly accessible way to enhance both physical and emotional health, making it a compelling addition to holistic therapy
approaches.

Always consult a healthcare provider before beginning any cold exposure regimen.

Written by Sophie Gengler, Master’s Level Graduate Student in Mental Health

Filed Under: Anxiety, Depression, empower, healing, Intimacy, Mental Health, Psychotherapy, Self-Worth

The Exhaustion of Never Being Enough

September 5, 2025 by
How Self-Improvement Culture Hurts Mental Health
 
Everywhere we look, there are messages telling us to be better. Read this book, try that routine! Meditate in the morning, journal before bed. At first, these things can be helpful. But after a while, it can start to feel like a job you can never finish.
 
Self-improvement is often sold as the answer to happiness; however, it can leave people feeling burned out and never good enough. Social media often makes this even worse. We see others showing off their perfect routines and achievements, which can make us feel like we are falling behind. Instead of feeling inspired, we may feel pressured and anxious.
 
Researchers have found that this pressure is connected to perfectionism and burnout. One study showed that people who constantly worry about making mistakes or not measuring up are more likely to feel exhausted and stuck in cycles of negative thinking (Limburg et. al., 2017). Another study found that burnout is often tied to low self-worth, especially when people feel they always need to prove themselves (Carmassi et al., 2025).
 
The problem is not the tools themselves. Meditation, therapy, and journaling can all be extremely powerful tools. The problem comes when growth becomes a race. When every part of life is about improving, rest starts to feel like something you have to earn, instead of something you deserve.
 
True growth often begins when we stop pushing so hard. It comes from kindness toward ourselves, not from endless “fixing”.Try this today: write down one way you are already enough, without changing anything. Keep it simple! Let it remind you that you do not have to earn your worth.
 
 
Sources:
 
Carmassi, C., Bertelloni, C. A., Dell’Oste, V., Pedrinelli, V., Cordone, A., Bargagna, P., … Dell’Osso, L. (2025). Burnout, resilience, and self-esteem in healthcare workers: A mediation analysis. Frontiers in Public Health, 13, 1537352. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpubh.2025.1537352
 
Limburg, K., Watson, H. J., Hagger, M. S., & Egan, S. J. (2017). The relationship between perfectionism and psychopathology: A meta-analysis. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 73(10), 1301–1326. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.22435
 
Filed Under: Anxiety, empower, Inspire, kindness, love, Mental Health, Narrative Therapy, Psychotherapy, Self-Worth

Getting the Relationship You Both Want (Not Just the One You’ve Settled Into)

August 15, 2025 by

Most couples don’t fall apart because they stopped loving each other.

They fall apart because they stopped feeling seen, heard, or safe.

They start walking on eggshells. One shuts down, the other over-functions. Intimacy fades. Conversations turn into silent battles or circular arguments that never resolve anything. Somewhere along the way, the relationship becomes more about surviving than thriving.

But love isn’t supposed to feel like a constant negotiation.

It’s supposed to feel like a partnership.

The truth is, no one teaches us how to do relationships well. We bring our childhood wounds, our unspoken fears, and our unmet needs into our adult relationships and then wonder why things feel so hard.

Healing begins when both people feel safe enough to be honest—not just about what’s not working, but about why they react the way they do.

That’s where the real work begins:

  • Understanding your patterns, not just judging them.
  • Learning to listen without defending.
  • Speaking your truth without shutting the other person down.
  • Rebuilding trust, even if it’s been slowly eroding for years.
  • Creating connection, not just co-existence.

Couples don’t need more date nights. They need deeper understanding. They need tools to de-escalate conflict, to repair faster, and to show up with vulnerability instead of resentment.

There is a path back to each other. Even if things feel distant. Even if you’ve tried before. Even if you’re not sure it’s possible anymore.

If you’re ready to break the cycle and build the kind of relationship you both deserve, I’d love to work with you.
Through deep subconscious healing and a proven toolbox of strategies, I help couples move beyond surface-level fixes to create real, lasting change. Together, we’ll uncover the hidden patterns driving disconnection—and build stronger communication, deeper emotional safety, and a renewed sense of partnership.

Written by Kellie Hatch, Registered Mental Health Intern #26644

Kellie Hatch’s Website – https://www.naples-therapists.com/

Filed Under: Anxiety, Communication, Couples/Marriage, honesty, Inspire, Intimacy, kindness, love, marriage, Mental Health, Self-Worth, Sexual Health

Reauthoring Your Life: The Transformative Power of Narrative Therapy

July 18, 2025 by

We are all storytellers. From the moment we begin to make sense of the world, we craft narratives about who we are, what we’re capable of, and what our experiences mean. Yet sometimes, the stories we tell ourselves become limiting—creating boundaries that confine rather than possibilities that liberate.

This is where narrative therapy shines. Developed by Michael White and David Epston in the 1980s, narrative therapy recognizes that we are not our problems, and our problems are not us. Instead, our challenges exist in the narratives we’ve constructed or inherited about ourselves.

Through narrative therapy, we learn to externalize problems—to see them not as inherent character flaws but as stories that can be rewritten. When we say, “Anxiety is affecting my life” rather than “I am an anxious person,” we create space between ourselves and the problem. In that space lies freedom.

The process of reauthoring our lives begins with simple awareness. What stories do you tell yourself about your capabilities, your worth, your future? Once identified, these narratives can be examined, questioned, and ultimately transformed.

Importantly, narrative therapy doesn’t dismiss our struggles but reframes them as opportunities for growth. Every challenge becomes a plot twist rather than an ending. Every setback becomes a chapter rather than the whole book.

By identifying “unique outcomes”—those moments when the problem doesn’t dominate—we discover evidence of alternative storylines already present in our lives. These exceptions form the foundation of new, more empowering narratives.

At Sage & Lore, we believe in the power of story to heal and transform. When you turn the page and write your own story, you quite literally change your life.

What page are you turning today?

Written by Petra Wilkes, Registered Mental Health and Marriage and Family Intern #IMH25031

Filed Under: Anxiety, Communication, Couples/Marriage, Depression, empower, Family, healing, honesty, Inspire, Intimacy, kindness, love, Mental Health, Narrative Therapy, Psychotherapy, Self-Worth, Women Empowerment

Healing Through Communication: A Call to Counselors Supporting Troubled Teens

July 11, 2025 by

Every day, troubled teens walk into our counseling spaces carrying the silent weight of trauma—abuse, neglect, broken trust, and emotional wounds invisible to the eye. As counselors, we hold a sacred opportunity: to speak life into places where pain has tried to silence hope.

Healing starts with communication. It’s not just what we say; it’s how we listen. Active listening, open-ended questions, and creating safe, judgment-free environments are not just techniques—they are lifelines. When we truly hear a young person’s story, without rushing to fix or diagnose, we honor their dignity and invite healing to begin.

In my journey through counseling, I’ve seen firsthand the power of integrating faith with practice. Scripture reminds us: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3, NIV). When we weave biblical principles of hope, redemption, and restoration into our sessions, we offer not just therapeutic tools—but a vision of a future rooted in grace.

Consider Joy, a teenager struggling under the weight of cultural identity pressures and family strain. Through intentional communication and a focus on trust-building, her family began to heal alongside her. Or David, who carried deep shame after trauma until sessions rooted in forgiveness and God’s promises helped him reclaim his sense of worth.

Evidence backs what many of us have witnessed: open communication and peer support significantly increase a teen’s feelings of safety, resilience, and engagement in their healing journey. As counselors, we are not merely therapists—we are builders of bridges back to hope. If you are standing in the gap for hurting youth today, be encouraged: your listening ear, your empathetic heart, your faith-infused words—they matter. Never underestimate the power of communication anchored in compassion and truth. A young life’s tomorrow may be forever changed because you chose to show up with both skill and soul.

Filed Under: Anxiety, Communication, Depression, EMDR Therapy, empower, faith, Family, healing, honesty, Mental Health, Psychotherapy, Self-Worth, teens

Craving Closeness & Connections

July 4, 2025 by

As humans, we crave the closeness and connections that come with having someone around, whether it is a friend or romantic partner. Have you ever wondered why some people seem naturally secure in relationships, while others struggle with trust, intimacy, or independence? The answer may lie in attachment styles, a concept rooted in psychology that explains how we relate to others, especially in close relationships. Attachment styles are the foundation of our human connections and our capacity to be there for one another. This creates meaningful attachments and memories with others and our lives. However, with closeness and letting our guards down comes the fear of making connections with others and being vulnerable. Whether that is due to past experiences or our insecurities coming out and influencing us, it can be hard. Understanding your attachment style can help you gain insight into yourself and foster meaningful, deep relationships. You might be thinking to yourself, “Well, how do I start?”. The first step in combating an unhealthy attachment style is to learn about the attachment style you have. As many people say, knowing is half the battle. The 4 attachment styles are anxious, fearful-avoidant, avoidant, and secure. You can take this quiz to see which style you have (Attachment Style Quiz: Free & Fast Attachment Style Test). Now that you know which attachment style you have, it is time for step 2, which will happen without you having to try too hard. It is being aware of how our own experiences are influencing our behaviors now. Then it comes down to making changes to positively influence your life based on those observations. I know what you are thinking, “How do I make that change?”. Don’t worry, it can seem daunting, but once you start seeing it, the change has already started. Trust in your intuition and have faith that you will become the best version of yourself as long as you continue to challenge your ways of thinking.

Written by Tiya Delson, Master’s Level Graduate Student in Mental Health

Ainsworth, M.D.S., Blehar, M.C., Waters, E. & Wall, S. (1978) Patterns of Attachment. A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation. Hillsdale, NJ: LEA.

Levy, M. B., & Davis, K. E. (1988). Lovestyles and attachment styles compared: Their relations to each other and to various relationship characteristics. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 5(4), 439–471. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407588054004 

Filed Under: Anxiety, Couples/Marriage, empower, Intimacy, love, marriage, Men's Issues, Mental Health, Self-Worth, Women Empowerment, Women's Issues