Intimate Connections by Dr. April: Welcome 2021! New Beginnings, New Found Hope, New Look
January 11, 2021 by
Holidays, COVID-19, and Addiction Recovery: Now What?
November 17, 2020 by
By: Robert Narvarra
As the holiday season draws closer, families are faced with the uncertainty of how exactly these events will unfold. Traditions and long-held practices in celebrating holidays are up in the air as the world continues to grapple with the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic.
According to the CDC, about 41% of the population in the U.S. report experiencing mental health issues as a result of the pandemic, including anxiety, depression, and trauma-related symptoms. About 13% of the population admits to starting or increasing substance use. People in recovery from an addictive disorder face increased stress and an increased risk for relapse.
The holiday season can invite many emotions stemming from the traumas of our past, memories of previous holidays ruined by addiction, and anxieties about the future. Alice’s partner Greg* started a recovery program several months ago. Alice commented, “Our past Thanksgiving celebrations always ended up a disaster, especially last year. Now that Greg is in recovery, and we have this COVID thing, we have to figure out what we are going to do this year.” Alice and Greg began talking about their expectations and hopes for this year’s celebrations.
Relationships have never been more important
A healthy relationship between partners is the single biggest predictor of long-term recovery for those impacted by addiction. Severe substance use and compulsive behavioral problems create significant damage to family rituals and roles in the couple relationship. An approach that supports couple recovery highlights the importance of both individual recovery, and relationship recovery. The implications are clear: Partners need to address how they will integrate recovery into couple and family life and specifically, manage the holiday season. Couple recovery involves conversations on how to provide support for each partner’s recovery (wellness) as well as relationship recovery. Let’s start with managing the holidays.
Rituals of connection provide safety and stability in relationships
In his book “The Relationship Cure,” Dr. John Gottman states that rituals are like routines in that they are repeated over and over so that they are predictable—everyone knows what to expect. The difference between a routine and a ritual is that rituals have symbolic meaning. Rituals draw people together creating safety, predictability, and connection. This is the opposite of what happens in active addiction where uncertainty and unpredictability create fear, confusion, and a lack of safety.
Three essential steps for couples and families for managing holidays this year
Step 1: Both partners acknowledge past trauma and triggers without blame or defensiveness. Use the “Softened Start-Up” formula describing perceptions, feelings, and needs. To avoid criticism, describe the self, not the partner. Sharing your feelings can be scary. It is important for partners to acknowledge, without judgment, what is important to each person and make that a part of the plan. Vulnerability actually increases intimacy and emotional connection. Talk about:
- Impact of addiction. Example: “Last Thanksgiving was difficult and upsetting because of the arguing and the impact of alcohol (and/or other substances) consumption on our celebration. I feel anxious about Thanksgiving this year, even though we started recovery. I need for us to figure out what we want this year and create new ways to celebrate that feel meaningful.”
- Impact of COVID-19. Example: “I miss being with our families. I am sad and frustrated. I would like to arrange a (video conference/socially distanced gathering/a family-only Facebook page with pictures and updates, etc.).”
Step 2: Develop a plan that supports what’s healthy for you, your partner, and you both as a couple. It can be empowering to establish a plan for welcoming the holiday season and essential for individuals and couples who have been impacted by addiction. Establish rituals that are predictable and meaningful as part of your plan. Before putting a plan together, ask each person what means the most to them about that holiday. Then decide what plan you would like to develop. Decide what happens and who does what and when.
Part of this plan may include revisiting Step 1 as needed and on a continuing basis. After all, one’s feelings never go away. If anything, they are bridges already built, waiting to be crossed to meet your partner on the other side. They are already there. You just need to use them in ways that are accepting of yourself and your partner.
Step 3: Make sure that this fits what is healthy for you. In the workshop Roadmap for the Journey: A Path for Couple Recovery, there is an exercise designed for decision-making involving partners writing out a list of core needs, recovery needs, and areas of flexibility. This sorting out helps define boundaries and supports good self-care. A final check before going through with the proposed agreements involves each partner asking themselves three questions:
- Is this decision potentially helpful to my own recovery or wellness?
- Is this decision potentially harmful to my own recovery or wellness?
- Is this decision neutral to my own recovery or wellness?
Example: Marty loved getting together with her family on video conferencing and looked forward to doing so during the holidays. Her partner, who is in recovery from an alcohol use disorder, stated that it was really uncomfortable personally, because of the drinking that took place during these conference calls. It was important to come up with a plan that addressed those concerns and made family video conferencing work for both partners. The core need was time with the family, a recovery need was creating a safe environment with the family, and an area of flexibility included the time of day for the call, which occurs before “happy hour.”
This process is a practice. Creating an openness to each other’s ideas, feelings, and needs provides the best environment for successfully navigating the holiday season.
5 Common Myths About PTSD
October 21, 2020 by
By: Shauna Springer
As a nation simultaneously struggling with a healthcare pandemic, an economic crisis, and significant social justice issues, heightened levels of anxiety and stress have become the norm. That’s why now is a critical time to gain a better understanding of PTSD—and how to recognize its symptoms in ourselves and those around us.
As with many emotional and mental disorders, PTSD can come with a stigma that can itself be dangerous, as stigma can cause sufferers to keep quiet and avoid getting help. These stigmas are fueled by misinformation in American discourse, and it’s high time to debunk some of the most common among them.
Myth 1: PTSD is an invisible disease that is all in someone’s head.
False. The absence of visible symptoms makes PTSD hard to see with the naked eye. The invisible wound can make it hard for family and friends to believe it’s real, especially if the sufferer hasn’t personally experienced a violent or traumatic event. While it’s true that you can’t tell if someone has PTSD just by looking at them, the past decade has ushered in the frequent use of brain imaging to assess the effects of traumatic stress on the brain. Using MRI technology, researchers can now identify changes in neurochemical systems and specific brain regions, or circuits connecting them, involved in the stress response. The Pentagon is currently funding promising research to explore whether PTSD can be identified from blood samples. These developments in the field of trauma care transform our understanding of PTSD as more than just psychological, but as a biological injury that can be seen and treated.
Myth 2: Most people who are exposed to trauma will develop PTSD.
False. The length of time that symptoms persist is key for diagnosing PTSD. The diagnostic definition of PTSD requires that symptoms persist longer than 30 days. Yet for 90 percent of people who experience PTSD-like symptoms following a trauma, these symptoms usually resolve within a month, especially with proper emotional support.
A more common cause of those symptoms is a likely acute stress disorder. Acute stress disorder (ASD) is a brief period of psychological stress following a life-altering or traumatic event. While common symptoms such as anxiety, insomnia, and heightened reactivity, make it easy to confuse the two disorders, ASD does not persist for longer than 30 days. Both ASD and PTSD, however, are worthy of attention and the right care.
Myth 3: Only veterans who see combat can develop PTSD.
False. Most people still associate PTSD with soldiers returning from combat (think Forrest Gump’s, Lieutenant Dan). While it’s true that many veterans who see combat suffer from PTSD, they are not the military population with the highest incidence of the disease. The highest rate of PTSD in veterans, both men, and women, occurs as a result of military sexual trauma (MST).
Military sexual trauma refers to an experience with sexual assault or sexual harassment occurring at any point during military service. Examples include forced sexual encounters, repeated advances, and quid pro quo scenarios from upper ranks.
According to the VA health care system, an estimated 1 in 4 female veterans and 1 in 100 male veterans report experiencing MST. By percentage, women are at greater risk of MST, but nearly 40 percent of veterans who disclose MST to the VA are men. Sexual trauma adds a layer of shame that can complicate recovery and become an obstacle to seeking mental health support.
Myth 4: You have to experience extreme violence to get PTSD.
False. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth edition (DSM-IV), PTSD can occur if a person experiences, witnesses, or is confronted with an event or events that involve actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of self or others. In addition, PTSD can occur when the person’s response involves intense fear, helplessness, or horror. While it might make sense that 49 percent of rape victims develop PTSD, a less obvious example is breast cancer. A quarter of women who undergo a mastectomy develop PTSD. They experience a potential life threat from cancer, with additional anxiety over a change in body image.
Under this definition of PTSD, it’s hardly shocking that COVID-19‘s front-line workers will face the very real risk of developing PTSD in the months ahead. Recent headlines around front-line caregiver suicides are a harbinger of a scary truth: Stressed front-line caregivers risked their own lives every day as they helplessly watched their patients die in record numbers. Even setting the turmoil of 2020 aside, 1 in 10 U.S. Adults already suffer from PTSD at some point in their lives. COVID-19 is just gas on the fire—and the latest example that PTSD can result from a wide array of life’s circumstances.
Myth 5: PTSD is a life sentence.
False. The majority of patients who suffer from PTSD can find effective relief. Successful treatments for PTSD exist and are evolving every day. Traditional treatments include a combined approach to patient education, cognitive behavioral therapy, and Psychopharmacology. Traditional therapies can achieve an estimated 60 percent success rate, although they require health care resources and a time commitment from the patient to put in the mental work of recovery. With increasing recognition of PTSD’s biological nature, treatments such as the stellate ganglion block (SGB) are showing a 70-80 percent success rate in a single-day procedure, and the positive effects can be felt almost immediately.
As we collectively shift into recovery mode from the pandemic, the economy, and the social unrest, we have a responsibility to help each other heal. That starts by breaking down stigmas of yet another invisible enemy and actively recognizing the signs of trauma in ourselves and those around us.
Do You Have PTSD?
October 15, 2020 by
By; Dana Carretta-Stein
The concept of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is used to describe mental health problems that some people develop after experiencing or witnessing an intensely traumatic experience such as a sexual assault, natural disaster, combat, or car accident.
According to the American Psychiatric Association, about 1 in 11 people that have gone through a traumatic experience will have PTSD in their lifetime.
If you have been exposed to an actual or threatened serious injury, sexual violation, or death, you might be at a high risk of developing post-traumatic stress disorder. It is important to early recognize and address PTSD symptoms because this can save you from further suffering.
Early screening of yourself for possible signs and symptoms of PTSD can help you cope with a traumatic experience, get your life back on track, and stay mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy.
Wondering if you’re symptoms are trauma-related? Take this quick 10 question quiz to find out. A score of 4 or higher may suggest that you have symptoms related to traumatic life experience.
The Common Symptoms of PTSD
While the anxiety and depression symptoms are a huge part of post-traumatic stress disorder, they are not the whole picture. In addition to anxiety and depression, people with PTSD often suffer from negative thoughts, re-experiencing the trauma through flashbacks and nightmares, difficulty sleeping and concentrating, impulsive or self-destructive behavior, and being easily angered and irritated.
However, sometimes the signs and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder can be subtle and not always obviously recognizable bot to the person experiencing them and those around them. This can generate different problems, from being incorrectly diagnosed and not receiving the appropriate treatment, to be stuck in a vicious circle of suffering symptoms you don’t understand.
Signs and Symptoms you May not Know are PTSD
Unusual signs and symptoms of PTSD may go undiscovered for a long period of time or you may be wrongly diagnosed with different mental health issues. Thus the treatment provided may not give the expected results. It is very important to be familiar with these signs of PTSD so you can keep an eye out for them.
Social Anxiety and Emotional Withdrawing
Sometimes the fear of social situations that involve interaction with other people or fear of being negatively judged by other people can be one of the signs of PTSD. If you have difficulties interacting or communicating with others, this may be a result of your fear of coming in contact with anything that can remind you of trauma.
Also, feelings of detachment or estrangement from others may signal that you actually suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. Depression as one of the main symptoms of PTSD causes social withdrawal, isolation, and lack of motivation. If you are avoiding people or activities you normally enjoy, including family and close friends, talk to your GP as you may be struggling with PTSP without knowing it.
Drug and Alcohol Abuse
In a search for ways to cope with the traumatic experience, a person may engage in behaviors of excessive drinking or drug abuse. This of course just causes further problems and a deterioration of a person’s overall well-being.
Eating Disorders
Abnormal or disrupted eating habits like anorexia nervosa may be one of the main symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. If you have experienced any drastic changes in your diet and appetite, talk to your health provider as this may lead to other serious health conditions.
Rapid Weight Loss
Some people with PTSD report having symptoms such as a rapid weight loss without trying, and even without the significant loss of appetite. At the same time, others may struggle with increased appetite and excessive eating.
Sensory Overload
According to some people that experienced trauma, sometimes one of the main symptoms of PTSD may be sensory overload. They report having a super-sensitive sense of smell or hearing or troubles with distorted vision or hearing. For some people, this sensory overload is so strong that it gets to the point of a panic attack.
Excruciating Migraines with Horrifying Dreams
Some trauma survivors experience severe headaches and migraines as one of the main PTSD symptoms. The pain is often followed by nightmares so these people don’t get to rest even while they sleep. These symptoms often don’t get recognized as signs of PTSD and sometimes develop into further health problems.
If you have experienced or witnessed an extreme trauma, pay close attention to these atypical signs and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. They don’t have to emerge right after you survived trauma. Sometimes the symptoms may occur weeks or months after a traumatic experience. For most people post-traumatic stress disorder develops within about two to three months after the traumatic event. However, some signs of PTSD don’t show up until months or years later.
When left untreated, the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder can have a damaging impact on a person’s life. If you don’t receive the right treatment for PTSD symptoms, you are at risk of developing other mental health disorders or medical conditions.
Congratulations to Dr. David Hall
October 8, 2020 by
From Everyone here at the Cape Coral Therapists team, we would like to congratulate you!!! Many Blessings for your Future.
October Intimate Connections Newsletter by Dr. April
October 8, 2020 by
A New Season Brings New Found Hope!!!
https://mailchi.mp/af1b6de4785c/a-new-season-brings-new-found-hope
6 Ways to Increase Your Patience with Distance Learning
September 30, 2020 by
By: Andra Bonior Ph.D.
Six months into the pandemic’s ripple effects across the United States, many families have children at home who have not seen the inside of a school since this all began. To say I am seeing and hearing (and feeling!) exhaustion is an understatement. Juggling multiple roles without a break can be exhausting enough to cause a significant sense of hopelessness, pessimism, and irritability. Here are six tips to keep in mind when navigating this truly unprecedented stressor as a parent. And remember, like any other difficult time in life, it’s important to let yourself start fresh each morning—and go just one day at a time.
1. Remember that this doesn’t have to replicate the in-person school experience.
Yes, your middle-schooler doesn’t get the Bunsen burner this year, and your third-grader’s math lessons may lose a little vigor. But might they also be learning a little more about managing disappointment? Navigating sibling conflict? Helping their community? Cutting their dad’s hair? They may be discovering new things and growing in ways that they never would have had this not happened. And as much as that doesn’t mean that you have to be glad that we are in this situation, it is important to recognize that the deeper life lessons or opportunity for boosts in emotional intelligence that can arise even in the struggle.
2. Reach out for support.
There are millions of parents in your same boat—including plenty juggling the same confusing emails from your very same school, or the same Chromebook glitches hitting your second-grader. Have you thought about how to better build your “village” lately? Who do you rely on for support when it feels like too much? What other parents can you vent or laugh with when you are overwhelmed? Social support can provide a big boost to our mental and physical health and is a very important component of coping. But with the specific demands that are exhausting parents who are juggling multiple roles everywhere, it can be even more of a balm to talk to someone going through what you are.
3. Keep your values in mind.
When you feel overwhelmed by the homework or the technology or your constant juggling act, try to zoom out to the big picture. What is the purpose of any of this? What kind of values do you want to impart to your child? What do you want them to see in you during this time, and what kind of parent do you want to be? How do you want to look back at this time someday? Any given day—or even week—may feel like it’s going all wrong. But when you can keep your eye on a sense of larger purpose about your parenting during this time, when your kids are looking toward you to guide them through uncertainty, it can help you remember what’s important, and not get bogged down by what’s not.
4. Empathy, empathy, empathy.
When we all are feeling frazzled and burnt out, empathy is hard to extend to others—because our own tanks are so empty. But empathy can improve your patience in crucial ways when you’re dealing with the frustrations of online learning. Empathy for the teacher who might be managing her own chaos at home, empathy for your child missing their friends and having to stare at a screen for far longer than you ever would have wanted them to, and empathy for the administrators having to make decisions they could have never anticipated—it’s all justified, and important.
5. Find humor when you can.
I have worked with many people who feel guilty for having moments of levity when their friends are struggling, or who are concerned about wrongly making light of a time that for many people involves life-or-death risk calculations. But humor can be very significant in terms of emotional well-being, and it even can decrease your blood pressure and break tension to help your whole body feel better. When’s the last time you had a deep, belly laugh? And what could you do to get that again? Better yet, finding things that you and your kids can laugh about together, whether it be a TV show you share, a joke-a-day ritual, or letting loose with silly dance moves, can help increase your connection with them as well.
6. Let go of perfectionism.
Adjusting expectations is crucial not only for your perspective on your kid’s schooling but it’s vital for your own role as a parent too. I am working with so many clients who feel like “failures” because they aren’t as patient as they’d like to be with their kids, or they’re not making the perfect healthy meals that they’re seeing on social media, or they’re not having feeling especially bonded with their kids despite all the increased time spent together.
Notice the yardstick you are using to compare yourself to others. And if it is perfectionistic, ask yourself how you can start giving yourself credit just for coping and surviving—the most productive activities of all—during what may be the most challenging episode of your parenting career.
The Importance of Anxiety and Sleep
September 23, 2020 by
By: Rebecca Ray
Since the start of the pandemic, more adults is experiencing depression and anxiety symptoms while sleeping. Sleep deprivation worsens anxiety and depression, and this vicious cycle of little sleep, worry, and sadness perpetuate our loneliness and isolation.
Anxiety Symptoms
Adults juggle working from home during an uncertain financial time, sometimes late into the night. Some of us are starting to think that life IS stranger than fiction, and experience anxiety symptoms while sleeping. These symptoms can include insomnia, restlessness, panic attacks, a racing heart, sweating, and rumination. Learn how to sleep when stressed and anxious.
Natural Remedies for Insomnia and Anxiety
Learn how to calm anxiety at night. There are things you can do to improve your sleep. I recommend that people develop and follow a consistent sleep schedule and reserve your bed for sleeping and sex.
Avoid caffeine, alcohol, heavy meals, and exercise late in the day. Keep your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet. You can use a sleep mask, white noise machine, black-out curtains, and a fan to help keep your body cool and relaxed. Avoid anything longer than a 10-minute nap during the day and engage in something relaxing before bed. Create a bedtime ritual that includes herbal tea, a good book, or restorative yoga.
At night, avoid news stories and social media posts that create anxiety, and practice putting your worries away. Visualize a beautiful log cabin and be as detailed as you can while you focus on the trees and path leading to the house. One at a time, let your worries float into the house as you relax for sleep.
If you are isolating more than normal, reach out to friends and let them know you want to talk or set up a virtual meeting. Regular social interactions will help reduce your anxiety and depression.
Move your body! Research shows that regular physical activity reduces anxiety and depression while improving your health and sleep.
We cannot control the pandemic, but we can control how we care for ourselves and others. If you are struggling to sleep well at night, try these tips to calm anxiety at night and sleep better while stressed and anxious.
Anxiety Treatment
Sleep dread is a real problem and you might experience frightening sleep anxiety symptoms. If you are experiencing anxiety at night or waking up with a racing heart, reach out to a qualified therapist for anxiety treatment that improves sleep.
5 New Habits that Can Help Calm Anxiety Now
September 17, 2020 by
by: KRISTEN SULEMAN
With all of the fast-paced changes we are collectively experiencing due to the COVID-19 pandemic, it’s no wonder that many of us are noticing a rise in our anxiety levels. Our day-to-day lives have been significantly disrupted, and social distancing efforts can leave many of us feeling isolated. Let’s review a few ideas on how you can help yourself calm anxiety right now in your own home:
Make a brain dump list.
If this concept is new to you, a brain dump is an act of dumping all the contents of our mind out onto paper, similar to dumping the contents of a backpack or purse out onto the table. It’s a really helpful go-to when our mind is racing because it helps us organize some of the mental chaos swirling around in our head (and I don’t know about you, but I definitely have a lot swirling around in my head right now).
All you need is a piece of paper or a journal, a pen, and a comfortable place to sit. Begin by jotting down every thought running through your mind – anything that pops into your head, no matter how random or stressful, can make its way out of your head and onto the page (You may find it helpful to set aside 10-15 minutes for you to solely focus on this activity).
This act of “brain dumping” helps us express and process our thoughts in ways we cannot do when we keep them inside, and it also gives us an opportunity to feel a sense of release as our thoughts are transferred onto the paper. Once you are done, take a deep breath in and out, and allow yourself to set your pen down and walk away from your list. With your mind feeling less cluttered, continue on with your day. You can come back to your list later if you want to or throw it away – there is no right or wrong way to handle it.
Embrace your inner child.
Remember how carefree we were when we were younger? Before we found ourselves adulting 24/7? As adults, we are obviously living through some pretty serious matters in the present-day and the uncertainty that comes with it brings us a lot of discomforts. It can be hard for us to redirect our attention away from our worries, stress, and fears right now – and all of these thoughts are a breeding ground for anxiety.
To help redirect your focus and boost your mood, take some time to reflect on the things that brought you joy when you were young and give yourself permission to enjoy them as an adult. Bonus points if you have kids and can participate in these activities together – it will help them manage their worries too! Here are some ideas to help you get started:
- Did you enjoy coloring or drawing as a kid? There are a TON of wonderful and free adult coloring sheets online.
- What about reading for fun? Find a new book on Audible or help out a small business and order one from a local bookstore.
- Did you love spending time outdoors as a child? Go on a bike ride or pack a homemade picnic to enjoy under a nice tree outside (just remember to wave to other picnic-goers from afar).
- Were you into homemade forts growing up? With more time at home, go ahead and bust out the blankets and pillows to re-create this experience for movie night.
- What about sports or video games? There is no shame in revisiting your love for video games or enjoying some free online sports games for adults.
- Did you dance around your room growing up? Kids really embrace the whole “dance like nobody’s watching” mindset, don’t they? Well, the good news is, absolutely no one is watching right now, so put on your favorite playlist and dance away!
Plan a daily or weekly check-in with your people.
You know who I’m talking about. The people who understand you and bring you joy. Talk to each other about what’s on your mind and ask each other how you are dealing with things day to day.
Thanks to technology, you can get creative here – schedule Facetime, Google Hangout, or Zoom calls, stay connected in group chats (don’t forget to send as many memes as you want), set up Netflix watch parties, or play a group game online for a little comic relief – after all, laugher definitely helps with anxiety too!
Remind yourself that social distancing does not mean we have to be isolated. In fact, a more appropriate term for all of this is “physical distancing”. We can still connect socially, even if it feels a little different than what we are used to.
Go on a mindful walk.
I’m not going to sit here and suggest that we all become fitness fanatics during a time like this. Is exercise good for our well-being? Absolutely! However, you, like many of us, maybe feeling noticeably foggier or less motivated right now due to all the recent adjustments. We have been asked to get used to a lot of change really quickly, so if your amount of physical activity has decreased, please go ahead and give yourself some grace.
That being said, incorporating some type of movement and fresh air into our lives is helpful and will definitely help manage anxiety. Why not start slowly with a mindful walk? A mindfulness walk is basically a regular walk, except you are paying attention. As you go on your walk, intentionally tune into your surroundings and your senses:
- Do you see anything that you haven’t noticed before? Really look around and take in all the sights.
- Is there anything nearby within your grasp? Reach out and notice how it feels in your hand.
- What types of noises do you hear? Listen closely to all of the sounds around you.
- What are you smelling? Notice the types of outdoor scents in the air.
- Do you happen to taste anything? Perhaps you brought your water bottle or your favorite drink with you.
The act of practicing mindfulness helps us tune into the present moment, which is extremely effective in combating anxiety. You can even consider leaving your phone at home (after all, your brain could probably use a break from all the social media scrolling and news coverage).
Normalize it.
Lastly, during a time that feels so far from “normal”, remind yourself that it is ok to feel whatever it is that you are feeling in this moment. Let’s not forget that we have essentially been asked to totally transform our day-to-day lives overnight, which means we are all grieving the way things were before this happened. In this context, it makes sense that so many of us are struggling with elevated anxiety and stress levels – we have never done anything like this before, and there is definitely no “right” way to be or feel right now.
Practice a little self-compassion and repeat the following affirmations to yourself as many times a day as you need to:
- “It makes a lot of sense that you feel this way”.
- “It’s really okay that you’re not okay right now”.
- “You’re allowed to feel this way, even if you do not know why”.
- “You don’t need to feel pressured to stop feeling this way – you can take all of the time you need”.
“We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.” – LORI DESCHENE Cheat Sheet for Affirmations
September 11, 2020 by
When you think about who you are, what do you say? Is it harder to come up with positive things about yourself than things you wish were different about you?
If you tend to focus on the stuff you wish were different such as “I wish I was skinnier” or “I wish I had more money” etc., you are not alone.
We are conditioned to think about the things that we want to be different more than we do positive things about ourselves. Part of our conditioning is evolutionary. We need to be our best self to survive and to reproduce. The other part of conditioning is societal.
Social media, friends, family, school, work all impact the way that we believe we need to look, act, behave, and what success looks like. We are constantly striving for better.
While wanting to continue to grow and become more successful is awesome, it can be easy to forget about celebrating ourselves for who we are.
When was the last time you told yourself you looked good in the mirror or you are proud of the person you are?
Chances are is has been too long. When we are constantly telling ourselves we need to be better and do better, we end up thinking we aren’t good enough.
One of the most common reasons for people going into therapy is for that exact reason. We want to feel good about ourselves but feel selfish doing so. When my clients come to me for therapy nine times out of ten there is something that keeps them from feeling confident in who they are.
One of the ways I help my clients out of this is by using positive affirmations.
Positive affirmations is about changing the way we talk to ourselves. Instead of saying, “I wish I was skinnier”, we say “I am beautiful for who I am, and my identity is not just my weight”.
Speaking positively does not change a goal you have for yourself; it just celebrates who you are while you are striving for your goals.