100 Practices For Great Relationships

How to grow a great one.

Linda: When my husband Charlie and I did our study Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truths from Real Couples about Lasting Love, these are the practices that they told us had held them in good sted to grow their exemplary relationships. As you read through the list, assess your own strengths and growing edge. Congratulate yourself for the areas that you shine. And this list will assist you in identifying where your work is to become eligible for a great relationship if you take on the practices.

1. Cultivating vision by asking yourself “What available? What’s possible here?
2. Risking by growing courage and assertiveness
3. Showing up for what’s happening
4. Accepting/Letting go/Surrender to what is
5. Staying on top of incompletions
6. Being able to change channels is flexibility
7. Being able to distinguish truth from imagination
8. Letting go of guilt and see it’s source
9. Allowing yourself to receive and be supported-Being a Gracious Receiver
10. Creating a community of support by accepting physical and emotional support and connection
11. Practicing gratitude especially when you’re resentful or feeling self-pity
12. Practicing compassion for yourself and others when there is mistreatment or unkindness
13. Being open and vulnerable
14. Having trusting relationships with others who can see what you can’t
15. Telling the truth
16. Refusing to lie and refusing to lie to your self
17. Practicing patience when we are tired of waiting
18. Checking in with yourself and with your partner regularly
19. Setting boundaries and stopping before you get to your limit
20. Not withholding love
21. Willingness to feel the pain
22. Creating a close primary relationship through giving and loving abundantly
23. Living with authenticity
24. Willingness to feel
25. Letting others know how you feel
26. Acknowledging vulnerability, fears, needs and desires
27. Dis-identifying with the ego/body
28. Taking solace and comfort wherever you find it
29. Creating work that you love that heals you to do it
30. Being involved with your kid’s friends
31. Outgrowing the need for others’ approval
32. Not taking on others’ projections
33. Practicing acceptance of the little pains and losses
34. Using all experiences in life to deepen spiritual practice
35. Staying current and complete with everyone in your life all the time
36. Trusting the truth of your experience
37. Refusing to accept a victim identity
38. Taking responsibility for everything in your life
39. Refusing to engage in blame of self or others
40. Staying away from bad therapists
41. Staying out of the mainstream
42. Making a big space for the dark shadow, to include your craziness, weakness, helplessness, vulnerability, hatred, ignorance, and prejudice
43. Taking care of your body
44. Cultivating self-love and self-acceptance
45. Practicing humility
46. Knowing how to replenish and refuel and do it!
47. Trusting your body not your mind
48. Knowing what feels right and going after it
49. Continuing to give no matter what
50. Working if you can; if you can’t, don’t
51. Doing whatever it takes to get you through the night
52. Practicing generosity of spirit
53. Finding something to be grateful for always
54. Accepting love from others even if you doubt you are worthy or deserving
55. Avoiding comparisons
56. Reducing attachments to preferences
57. Finding the teachings and blessings in everything
58. Saying yes to everything life brings you
59. Living in such a way as to be worthy of trust and respect
60. Participating fully in grief-work
61. Experiencing feelings and emotions, expressing, acknowledging feelings through journaling, group-work, therapy, and looking for opportunities to communicate feelings
62. Living with mindfulness, presence, meditation
63. Finding your courage, risk challenging yourself and pressing the edge
64. Going outside of the comfort zone
65. Asking for help, requesting support,
66. Containing or holding feelings-this is not repressing or suppressing them.
67. Expressing spontaneously
68. Checking in with self and other.
69. Checking your intention, stating intention
70. Taking down time or soul time
71. Living a life of service, contribution, volunteer, generosity, giving
72. Committing to compassionate self-care
73. Drawing boundaries
74. Saying “no” without explanation, justification, rationalization or excuses
75. Uncovering and recognizing the fear
76. Making requests
77. Only making agreements you are committed to keeping
78. Going on a “should fast”
79. Checking in and only doing what you can do without feeling obligated
80. Doing only what you want to do, rather than from a sense of duty or obligation. If there isn’t a desire, don’t do it
81. Playing. Doing activities for no reason other than that it provides fun or pleasure
82. Looking at your motives and intentions with keen self-examination.
83. Witnessing in the state of non-judging awareness
84. Allowing yourself solitude
85. Spending time in nature
86. Forgiving when you’ve been wronged or wronged another. Forgiving everyone
87. Breathing consciously
88. Identifying and cultivating and strengthening talents
89. Setting goals. What do you want to experience? How often?
90. Slowing down and examining the fear of slowing down
91. Holding the tension of the opposites
92. Withholding opinions, advice, and philosophy unless it is solicited
93. Taking time outs such as “I need a moment to think about that.”
94. Declining requests and invitations
95. Finding and honoring your own pace and rhythm, rather than going along with others
96. Practicing non-judgment by going on a blame fast . This will prompt learning to distinguish the “judge” from your authentic self
97. Building strength, both physical and intellectual
98. Discovering the gold in the shadow and befriend it rather than resisting it.
99. Looking for the growth opportunity in each breakdown (A breakdown is any situation, which involves a disappointment in expectations of self or other or circumstances. Seeing it as a means of strengthening        specific character traits.)
100. Becoming a better/more loving/stronger/ more whole person

A substantial amount of research points to the benefits of faith to mitigate symptoms of depression. In one study, for example, researchers at McLean Hospital in Belmont, Massachusetts, found that belief in God was associated with better treatment outcomes. They followed 159 individuals over the course of a year to examine the relationship between a person’s level of belief in God, expectations for treatment, and actual treatment outcomes. Individuals with no belief — or only a slight belief — in God were twice as likely to not respond to treatment than people with stronger beliefs.

Of all my sanity tools, my faith is what has kept me alive during severe depressive episodes. When I’m convinced that no one else could comprehend the intense suffering I’m experiencing, I cling to my belief in a God who created me for a reason, who knows my pain more intimately than any other human being, and who will see me through to the other side.

Faith Provides Hope

I was just 11 years old when I learned of faith’s power to strengthen someone in the midst of a deep depression. In the year of my parent’s separation, my mother, devastated by the loss, prayed a novena to Saint Thérèse of Lisieux. On the fifth day of five consecutive days of prayer, when tradition holds that the person will receive a shower of roses, our neighbor Mr. Miller, who kept an impeccable garden, was pruning his rose bushes. He gave six dozen flowers in stunning shades to my sister to surprise my mother. I’ll never ever forget the tears of hope she cried when, on the fifth day of her novena, she walked into a kitchen that looked and smelled like a rose garden. Through the intercession of St. Thérèse, she knew her prayer had been answered and God would give her the resolve she needed to get through her depression.

For a nonbeliever, I know it may appear lame to depend on such “signs” from God — superstitious attempts to make sense out of nothing. But these “signs” have provided me immense comfort during critical times in my mental health journey; they’re consolation that God is with me. They’ve even saved my life at times, reminding me that although I can’t always feel God’s love, He is with me.

Faith Changes Your Brain

One reason that faith protects against depression could be that religious practice actually changes the brain. According to research conducted by Lisa Miller, professor of clinical psychology at Columbia University’s Teachers College, a thickening of the brain cortex is associated with spiritual and religious activities. This study links the protective benefit of spirituality or religion to previous studies that identified large expanses of cortical thinning in specific regions of the brains of adult offspring of families at high risk for major depression. A previous study by Miller and her team published in September 2011 in The American Journal of Psychiatry showed a 76 percent decrease in major depression in adults who said they highly valued spirituality or religiosity, and whose parents suffered from the disease.

Faith Assigns Meaning to Suffering

All religious traditions, especially the Jewish and Christian faiths, offer plenty of examples of how some very bad situations (think Job) were redeemed in the end, and all the suffering actually had a purpose — some greater good came out of it. The Christian story is a powerful provider of redemption and hope in Jesus’s life, death, and resurrection. Pope John Paul II explains in his encyclical on suffering, Salvifici Doloris, that because of the Cross, all suffering has a purpose and is even a vocation. I, for one, find immense consolation in that concept: that my tears and angst have a greater purpose and can be used for goodness. The Psalms are full of verses of inspiration for those caught in depression’s hold, saying that God is there in our trials and will carry us through the valley of despair.

Faith Provides a Support System

According to research conducted at the University of Colorado in Boulder, regular churchgoers live longer than people who never go to worship services. One reason associated with the longevity is the social support gained by a church community. One consistent key to happiness is weaving a network of support for yourself: We all need a security net. If you go to church regularly — and especially if you get involved in your parish or church community — that social support is provided. Also, regular churchgoers are more likely to GIVE support to others, and this act of generosity, or any altruistic activity, really, promotes better health.

Faith Provides Heroes and Inspiration

We do better navigating the dark night when we know people have walked the same steps before us and arrived at the light. Different faith traditions offer us plenty of heroes we can turn to for inspiration. Like my mom, I have always maintained a strong devotion to St. Thérèse of Lisieux, my patron saint. In my deepest depressions, I would read her Story of a Soul over and over again, trying to imitate her faithfulness and little ways despite her despair at the end of her life. So many of the saints have known profound anguish and depression, which is why they can be helpful guides to anyone with inner pain.

Join Project Hope & Beyond, the new depression community.

Originally posted on Sanity Break at Everyday Health.

Introduction

Do you suffer from Major Depressive Disorder?  Are you looking for ways to overcome depression?  Try looking on your phone for ways to overcome Major Depressive Disorder.  This article will explore apps for Major Depressive Disorder.

Health Through Breath

The first app that individuals with Major Depressive Disorder can benefit from is Health Through Breath.  According to healthline.com, the following can be mentioned about this app:

Stress contributes to many symptoms of ill health, including depression. Health Through Breath is one app that attempts to soothe your mind and body through relaxation. According to the app’s makers, relaxation techniques can have benefits for people who have depression as well as migraines, high blood pressure, asthma, and more. It features guided, slow breathing techniques to help you learn to relax deeply and quickly.

Positive Thinking

In addition to Health Through Breath, another app that can help individuals with Major Depressive Disorder is Positive Thinking.  According to healthline.com, the following can be mentioned about this app:

The things we surround ourselves with certainly have the potential to affect our moods. Positive Thinking is an app that provides a massive collection of positive quotes to help you keep your mind on good things rather than worries and stress. You can add to the collection, store your favorites, and share the quotes on social media.

Secret Of Happiness

Another app that can be used for individual with Major Depressive Disorder is called Secret of Happiness.  According to healthline.com, the following can be mentioned:

Sometimes, our brains need help breaking out of a destructive cycle. The Secret of Happiness is designed to give you a regular schedule of positive thinking as a way to train your brain to think more on the bright side. No one would suggest the cure to depression is as simple as turning your frown upside down, but this app can help you get in the practice of thinking positively. We like that the app asks for a 30-day commitment – enough time to develop a new habit.

Conclusion

To end this specific article, this article has mentioned using apps specifically designed for individuals with Major Depressive Disorder that include but are not limited to Health Through Breath, Positive Thinking, in addition to Secret Of Happiness.  In addition, Major Depressive Disorder, for any individual, does not have to be a debilitating disorder.  Seek help from a doctor and regain your lifestyle.

Introduction

In my previous article, I described three apps that can be used to help individuals with Major Depressive Disorder.  In this particular article, I will expand upon this topic and include three more apps for individuals with Major Depressive Disorder.

Depression CBT

One specific form of therapy for individuals with Major Depressive Disorder is CBT, also known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.  Believe it or not there is an app for individuals with Major Depressive Disorder that focuses on CBT.  It is called Depression CBT.  According to healthline.com, the following can be noted about this app:

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one approach to managing depression and other mental health problems. This app helps you monitor your moods with an assessment test that tracks the severity of your depressed moods and provides several resources aimed at educating you about the flawed thought patterns that may be worsening your depression. There are also audio programs for relaxation and depression assistance.

FitnessBuilder

Another app that can be used for individuals with Major Depressive Disorder is called FitnessBuilder.  According to healthline.com, the following can be noted:

Exercise can ease the symptoms of depression, and FitnessBuilder is a great way to develop a regular exercise habit. The free version of this app features more than 400 workouts and a 16-week plan. Search by target area or goal to strengthen your legs, core, or build up endurance. There are photos and videos to help you learn and perform the moves safely, as well as tracking features to monitor your progress.

Smiling Mind

Another app that can be used for Major Depressive Disorder is called Smiling Mind.  According to healthline.com, the following can be stated:

Adults aren’t the only ones who struggle with depression, and the makers of Smiling Mind had all age groups in mind when developing this app. Designed to teach you the value of guided meditation, the app features several free meditation programs, classified according to the ages they’re appropriate for, with sessions appropriate for those younger than seven years old and into adulthood. We like the ability to track total minutes spent in meditation and earn achievements.

Conclusion

To end this article, three apps for Major Depressive Disorder have been mentioned.  They include but are not limited to Depression CBT, FitnessBuilder, in addition to Smiling Mind.  These three apps are practical tools that can be applied to individuals lives with Major Depressive Disorder for healing.

Anger Predicts More Time Before Depression

Anger is a natural feeling. People have varying degrees of temperament, but everyone feels some sort of anger from mildly annoyed to enraged. However, there comes a point where frequent anger becomes a problem. Anger often leads to ruminating about perceived wrongs, which may only increase the level of anger felt. People with bipolar disorder may experience anger more than the general population. A new study shows that there may be a positive aspect of anger in bipolar disorder in that it may predict more time before the next depressive episode.

Anger in bipolar disorder can be felt both in depression and in episodes with mixed features. Mania or hypomania with mixed features can come with high degrees of irritability, which increases levels of anger, hostility and aggression. In depressive episodes, people with bipolar disorder experience anger attacks at more than twice the rate as people with unipolar depression.

A new study, led by Tommy H. Ng of Temple University and published in Behavior Therapy, looked at anger in people with bipolar spectrum disorders to see if anger levels could predict oncoming episodes. They looked at data from 120 young adults from the Longitudinal Investigation of Bipolar Spectrum Disorders which covered data from individuals over 3.5 years. The participants were surveyed on multiple occasions for levels of aggression, impulsivity, depression and mania.

The researchers found that high levels of anger and aggression did not predict episodes of mania or hypomania, but did find that people who were experiencing high levels of aggression and anger had more days before their next episode of depression than those without high levels of anger and aggression.

This may seem counter-intuitive. After all, irritability is a symptom of mania with mixed features, so it stands to reason that having this symptom could predict an oncoming episode. That is not what the researchers found. Instead, they found that symptoms of anger and aggression may protect against episodes of depression. The thought behind this finding is that anger and aggression prohibit behaviors like isolation, low energy and low motivation- all symptoms of bipolar depression.

Protection against depressive episodes is not the only benefit of anger. In the short term, feeling anger has several benefits:

• Righteous anger promotes social engagement like fighting for equality.
• Anger can motivate people into action against long-term perceived wrongs.
• Expressing anger (without aggression) can promote communication in relationships.
• Levels of assertiveness increase with anger, which can promote action when a person would otherwise be too passive or shy.
• When anger is replaced by satisfaction, it can promote positive feelings, which can protect against depression.

This is not to say that being angry all the time is positive. Frequent or prolonged anger does have long-term effects like increased anxiety, high blood pressure and headaches.

You can follow me on Twitter @LaRaeRLaBouff or find me on Facebook.

Image credit: anyone123

Life has a way of surprising us – sometimes in wonderful ways and sometimes challenging us in ways we never could have imagined.

Most of us like to feel in control. We like things to be predictable. We like it when we can plan something and make it happen. We like it when other people do what we want them to do. We like things to go our way.  We like believing that we can prevent bad things from happening – to us and our loved ones.

Feeling in control makes us feel safe.

The problem with trying to control everything is twofold. First of all, it’s an illusion. We can’t control other people or situations. We fool ourselves into thinking we can control much more than we really can. And second, controlling everything is an awfully big responsibility. When we try to control people and situations, we’re essentially asserting that we know what’s right; that we know the right thing to do and right things to believe.

Sooner or later, we all discover that much of life is out of our control. We each have a small sphere of control consisting mainly of our own thoughts and actions. In other words, there’s a lot that’s out of our control! Most of us know this is true, but it also scares the crap out of us. Accepting that so much is out of our control is hard.

Life doesn’t always go as planned

We’ve all had times when our lives have felt completely out of our control. We felt like bad things just kept happening and there was nothing we could do to stop them. Powerlessness is a hard feeling to navigate. I had this feeling recently. I felt like life was swirling all around me and I didn’t know how to solve my problems. I found myself obsessing about what everyone else was doing wrong and how things would be better if they’d change and do things my way!

It felt like a hurricane had swept into my life, tossing around my peace and stability like a flimsy metal roof; sweeping up the calm and predictability that I love. It was then that I remembered, when your life feels like a hurricane, you have to be the eye of the storm.

The eye of a hurricane is that eerily calm, center in the storm. The eye of the storm remains grounded and calm, despite the thrashing winds and soaking waves. You, too, can remain grounded and calm in the midst of a stormy life.

They key to surviving a life that feels out of control, is to focus on what you can control. When you bring the focus back to yourself you can feel grounded and comforted.

What do you do to comfort or calm yourself when life feels out of control? How do you center yourself, refocus, or get back on track? I asked my Facebook fans to weigh in and they offered some great suggestions.

How do you cope when life feels out of control?

• Spend time alone to reflect and rest
• Meditate
• Spend time in nature (being truly present – alone, without headphones)
• Garden (water the plants, pull some weeds, or hack at some overgrown bushes)
• Go for a long walk
• Practice yoga
• Talk to a therapist
• Confide in good friends
• Write in a journal or make a list to help organize the chaos, set priorities, and gain perspective
• Listen to music
• Exercise (work up a sweat)
• Separate yourself from negative people
• Pray
• Clean the house (being able to control your physical space and give it a fresh, positive vibe)
• Swim or soak in the tub (many people mentioned the restorative benefits of water; it feels cleansing and makes you feel “light”)
• Focus on the present
• Color mandalas or an adult coloring book
• Burn sage
• Clear your calendar and excuse yourself from non-essential activities or commitments (tip: more of it’s non-essential than you think!)
• Get enough sleep
• Enjoy a cup of tea

Recognize when you need extra TLC

The other key component of weathering an emotional storm is being able to recognize early on when life feels out of control.

It’s easy to miss or minimize the signs of stress. It’s only when we tune into ourselves that we can accurately measure how we’re coping. Noticing our feelings is helpful, but our bodies are also great measures of our emotional wellbeing.

Signs that life feels out of control:

• Worrying
• Crying
• Trying to control people or situations
• Insomnia
• Feeling on edge
• Isolating
• Headaches
• Muscle tension
• Obsessing about the same thing over and over
• Avoiding
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Lack of energy or motivation
• Difficulty concentrating
• Eating too much or too little
• Gastrointestinal issues (stomachache, diarrhea, constipation or acid reflux)
• Irritability
• Anger

You don’t have to have it all together

There’s a lot of pressure these days to look like you’ve got it all together. Sometimes it’s hard to let down that fake smile and “I’m fine” mantra and admit that you’re not fine. I want to reassure you that it’s OK to be a hot mess sometimes. We all are. You just don’t want to pull up a chair and get comfortable. When you notice that you’re struggling and feeling out of control, focus on yourself. Prioritize self-care and self-compassion. Do things that bring you back to calm.