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Back-To-School But Make It Stress-Free

August 23, 2024 by

As summer winds down, many children are gearing up to head back to school or begin their school journey for the first time. This transition—like any other transitions whether they involve moving, starting a new job, or facing job loss—often bring stress and anxiety to all involved, and heading back to school is no exception. This post provides practical tips and strategies to help ease this transition, aiming to make the back-to-school period more manageable and less stressful for everyone involved.

Prepare
To be productive and successful, it’s crucial to know what needs to be done and when. From waking up on time to meeting work deadlines to picking up the kids from school at their release time, having a clear plan helps to manage everyday tasks more effectively. The same principle applies to new routines, like going to school. Knowing where you need to go and when you need to be there are key to organizing your day efficiently. By preparing in advance, you can reduce stressors such as heavy traffic and extra commuting time.

The unknown or unfamiliar can lead to fear and anxiety for many including children, which can manifest in problem behaviors including tantrums. Ease anxieties about new surroundings by showing videos, pictures, or virtual tours of the school and classroom. Even educational shows or movies about school settings can help. This is what an open house aims to do, however sometimes the open house is full of so much information for the parents that the child does not have adequate time to become familiar with the new classroom, school or teacher and thus taking time to make sure the child is being exposed to what going to school is like, even in a book or story, can serve as a way to make sure that the situation is not so unfamiliar that anxiety and stress arises.

Reach out to teachers, preferably before school starts, to discuss your child’s needs. Building this communication channel early ensures that teachers are aware of any special requirements and can collaborate effectively to support your child and address any special needs for your child.

Discuss any sensory conditions, dietary restrictions, allergies, behavioral strategies, or medications with the school ahead of time. Ensuring that your child’s needs are met will help them feel comfortable and safe.

The importance of routine:
A well-established routine can significantly reduce anxiety and help manage your day more effectively. Children thrive on consistency. In ABA, visual schedules are used to help reduce anxiety and manage transitions by providing a clear outline of daily activities. Visual schedules are also helpful outside of ABA, knowing what to expect and for how long is a great way to relieve anxiety and to promote success.

**How to Create a Visual Schedule: **

1. List Daily Activities: Write down everything that happens from the time your child wakes up until bedtime. Include all activities, such as school, playtime, breaks, and appointments.

2. Organize by Order: Arrange these activities in the order they occur.

3. Use Visuals: Depending on your child’s age, use pictures or printouts to represent each activity. For example, a picture of a backpack can signify “school.”

4. Create the Schedule: Attach these images to a board using Velcro. Place the board where your child can easily see it.

5. Review Together: Go over the schedule with your child to explain each activity. Even if your child is very young or non-verbal, this step is crucial for preparing them.

6. Involve Your Child: Let your child help in creating the schedule. Choosing and cutting out images can make the schedule feel more personal and engaging.

7. Follow Through: As you go through the day, refer to the visual schedule and move completed tasks to the “completed” side. This helps reinforce the routine and provides a sense of accomplishment.

8. Supervise and Support: Actively supervise your child as they follow the schedule. This not only teaches them the importance of routine but also encourages independence as they practice daily tasks.

Reorganizing Your Own Schedule:
Integrating your child’s routine into your own schedule is vital for maintaining balance and peace of mind. By planning activities such as homework, meals, and extracurriculars, you can better manage your time and avoid overbooking. Creating a visual schedule for yourself can also demonstrate the importance of organization to your child and offer a bonding experience.

Practice
Consistency is key to making routines work. By preparing thoroughly, planning with a schedule, and sticking to it, you help minimize stress and ensure that both you and your child are organized. This not only makes the transition back to school smoother but also teaches valuable skills that will benefit your child now and in the future.

By following these steps and establishing a clear routine, you can create a less stressful and more organized start to the school year as well as maintaining functional routines that aid in stress management and success.

Written by Johana Calvo, IMFT, BCaBA

Follow Johana –

LinkedIn – Johana Calvo

Instagram – @jcrelationaltherapy

Filed Under: Anxiety, Communication, Family, Inspire, kindness, love, Mental Health

Empathy’s Mirror

August 9, 2024 by

Practicing empathy towards others contributes to self-acceptance and self-love in several ways:

When we empathize with others, we put ourselves in their shoes and try to understand their experiences, emotions, and challenges. This shift in perspective helps us realize that everyone is imperfect and faces their own struggles. Recognizing the humanity and imperfections in others invites us to extend that same understanding and acceptance to ourselves. This perspective shift promotes self-acceptance by reminding us that we are not alone in our experiences and that it’s natural to have flaws and setbacks.

Empathy helps us recognize the common humanity that connects us all. When we empathize with others, we realize that we share similar limitations, concerns, and vulnerabilities with others. This understanding fosters a sense of belonging and reminds us that we are not alone in our thoughts and feelings. This shared reality prods us to develop a greater sense of self-acceptance and self-love, knowing that our experiences are part of the shared human experience.

Offering unconditional positive regard to others, which means accepting and valuing someone without judgment or conditions, is perhaps one of the great examples in this space; we learn to apply the same acceptance and kindness to ourselves. What could we be caring about that keeps us from extending that love to the person in the mirror? Self-acceptance and self-love ask that we embrace ourselves fully, just as we would embrace others.

There is something magical that happens when we empathize with others; we tap into our own capacity for empathy and compassion. The social capital that is self-love takes on new meaning and ownership. This emotional resonance helps us understand and connect with others and deepens our understanding of ourselves. The goal here is to develop a greater sense of self-awareness and self-acceptance. This process allows us to embrace our positive and negative emotions and cultivate self-love by honoring our authentic experiences.

Practicing empathy towards others creates a positive ripple effect in our own lives. When we show understanding, kindness, and compassion to others, we experience a sense of fulfillment and joy. This positive energy then extends to how we perceive and treat ourselves. By nurturing empathy towards others, we cultivate a compassionate and loving mindset that naturally extends to self-acceptance and self-love.

In summary, practicing empathy towards others contributes to self-acceptance and self-love by shifting our perspective, recognizing our common humanity, promoting unconditional positive regard, fostering emotional resonance, and creating a positive ripple effect. By extending empathy to others, we create a foundation of acceptance and compassion that ultimately strengthens our relationship with ourselves. When was the last time you were given the best of YOU? Let’s do this!

Written by Petra Wilkes, Registered Mental Health Intern #IMH25031

Filed Under: Communication, empower, Family, Inspire, Intimacy, kindness, love, Mental Health, selfless

A Holistic Approach to Parenting Challenges through Talk Therapy and Behavioral Interventions

August 2, 2024 by

Parenting is undoubtedly one of life’s most rewarding experiences, but it’s also accompanied by its fair share of challenges. From managing behavioral issues to coping with the everyday stresses of parenthood, navigating these hurdles can sometimes feel overwhelming. However, through a combination of talk therapy and evidence-based behavioral interventions, parents can find invaluable support in addressing these challenges and fostering a healthier family dynamic.

  1. Behavioral Interventions: Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) and other behavioral interventions provide parents with practical strategies for addressing common behavioral challenges in children. These techniques focus on identifying triggers, setting clear expectations, and reinforcing positive behaviors. While ABA primarily targets the child’s behavior, parents play a crucial role in implementing these strategies consistently and effectively at home. Talk therapy can complement behavioral interventions by providing parents with the support and guidance they need to implement these techniques successfully. Therapists can help parents explore their own reactions to their child’s behavior, identify potential barriers to consistency, and develop coping strategies for managing challenging situations.

  1. Coping Strategies: Parenting can be emotionally taxing, especially when faced with persistent behavioral challenges or unexpected obstacles. Talk therapy offers parents a safe space to process their emotions, express their concerns, and develop healthy coping strategies. Through supportive listening, validation, and guidance, therapists help parents navigate feelings of frustration, guilt, or inadequacy, empowering them to respond to challenges with resilience and self-compassion. By addressing their own emotional needs, parents can cultivate the strength and stability needed to support their children effectively.

  1. Managing Expectations: Unrealistic expectations can contribute to feelings of stress and disappointment in parenting. Talk therapy provides parents with an opportunity to explore and adjust their expectations, both of themselves and their children. By examining their beliefs and assumptions about parenthood, therapists help parents develop more realistic and flexible expectations, reducing the pressure to achieve perfection and fostering a greater sense of acceptance and contentment. Through open dialogue and reflection, parents can align their expectations with the unique needs and abilities of their children, promoting a more harmonious and fulfilling family dynamic.

  1. Strengthening Marital Relationships: Parenting challenges can sometimes strain marital relationships, leading to conflict, resentment, or feelings of isolation. Talk therapy offers couples a space to address these issues openly and constructively, improving communication, strengthening emotional bonds, and fostering greater mutual support. By exploring their individual perspectives and experiences, couples gain insight into each other’s parenting styles, values, and priorities, enhancing their ability to collaborate effectively as co-parents. Additionally, therapy provides couples with tools and techniques for resolving conflicts, managing stress, and nurturing their relationship amidst the demands of parenthood, ultimately promoting a more resilient and satisfying partnership.

In conclusion, talk therapy and behavioral interventions offer a comprehensive approach to addressing the challenges of parenting. By combining emotional support, practical strategies, and collaborative problem-solving, parents can develop the skills and resilience needed to navigate the complexities of parenthood with confidence and compassion. Whether managing behavioral issues, coping with stress, adjusting expectations, or strengthening relationships, therapy provides parents with invaluable resources for fostering a nurturing and supportive family environment where children can thrive.

Written by Shannon Parrinello IMH24291, Registered Mental Health Intern

Filed Under: Anxiety, Depression, Family, Intimacy, kindness, love, Mental Health

Breaking Free: 3 Tools to Transform Your Relationship Dynamics

March 21, 2024 by

Walking on eggshells in your relationship? Here are 3 tools to change everything.

We all want to feel free to trust and love our other half, but sometimes find it difficult if they’re controlling, scrolling on their phones during “quality time” or making us work hard for the scraps of love and attention we crave.

Sometimes we get to a place in our lives where we wonder how much longer we can be living this way. Most of us have lived enough life to know that yesterday might be starting to look permanent, causing us to wonder, “How do we change our tomorrow?”.

These simple tools, when used correctly, can help improve your relationship and point you on a
path to a greater sense of self:

Transform your habit of thinking:

We all have an inner critic that lives inside of us, made up of fearful thoughts that keep us feeling stuck. These thoughts are not who we are, but have been wired into our subconscious to keep us safe. Who we really are knows we deserve more than what we are getting, but somehow we keep moving back into our old habits. To get the relationship we want, we need to get curious about how our inner critic thinks it’s helping us through presenting the negative, fearful thoughts, and retrain our minds to replace them with faith in ourselves. You are not
your thoughts. You are the one who is aware of your thoughts and has the power to change them to create the life and relationship you know you deserve.

Change where you put your energy:

One of the most terrifying feelings we can experience is the feeling of helplessness. This is especially true in our relationships. To avoid this feeling, our human nature is to try to control external factors outside of our control. We sometimes put a lot of energy into trying to change (or control) our partner, leaving us feeling burnt out and resentful. The fastest way to reclaim our inner peace is by gaining clarity on what we do have control over, and what we do not. Once we realize we only have control over our own actions and choices, the magic begins to happen. Redirecting all of the energy that was once used to try and change our partner, we can focus on building the life we want, and if our partner is willing to come along for the ride, they
will rise to our level.

Train people how to treat you:

We all know the true saying “Actions speak louder than words”, but sometimes this idea gets lost when it comes to our relationships. We may tell our partner that we won’t put up with something anymore or we are going to leave… but then we don’t follow through. We may say, “That’s not okay”, but continue to give them what they want. To get the changes we require, we need to reward our partner with their love language when they show behaviors we want or desire. When unwanted behaviors show up, we limit any reinforcement of that behavior. With the help of a therapist to navigate the intricacies of relationships, we can make a healthy plan to limit our presence and/or attention in a specific way. Over time, if they truly are our person, their behaviors will shift into what we have been asking for but haven’t been following up with our actions until now.

Written by Kellie Hatch – Mental Health Graduate Student

Filed Under: Couples/Marriage, empower, Inspire, Intimacy, kindness, love, marriage

The Power of Avoidance

February 5, 2024 by

We spend our lives avoiding uncomfortable things. Avoidance is powerful. Here is what you need to know about it: Avoidance makes everything worse! I learned this the hard way.

I was driving home on a Friday night after shopping. I felt tension in a small area of my neck. There was no pain, just mild tension. This could be the beginning of a something. I might wake up with a painful stiff neck. I have had this before, and it usually goes away in half a day

It got worse. I woke up at 2 AM with really bad pain. I could not sleep all night. At 5 AM I was looking online for a massage therapist who worked on Saturday. Within 100 miles there were only two open on Saturday. One of them was only four miles away. I needed a daily massage for four days before this thing settled down. It was awful.

I knew these principles were true, but now I was living them. The body acts to avoid pain. A little tension in a small area recruited all my back and neck muscles to avoid that tension, to prevent movement. All the muscles on the right side from skull to hips went into action to avoid any movement. Within six hours the pain spread everywhere and increased to the point that I could not rest. It took four days of intense massage to resolve all this.

One night, as I was improving, I had another restless night. I would turn over in bed and feel pain in my neck. I learned that If I moved slightly into the pain, the pain would go away after a few minutes. I did this throughout the night – moved toward the pain, instead of away from it. It worked great.

The other lesson I learned was to trust my massage therapist. It hurt when she pressed on a knotted muscle; it hurt a lot. I kept jumping a few inches off the table. Then I learned to relax, instead of tensing when it hurt. This allowed more effective breaking of the tension. I had to trust my therapist, so I could begin to relax in the face of pain. And then we worked together to unravel the knots.

I hope you can see how these principles are also true in counseling, in psychological therapy.
Defense mechanisms – denial, avoidance, rationalization, excuses, etc. – these can create more pain than the original problem.
Avoidance makes the pain worse; over time it sets up a complex system that governs our lives.
You need to find a therapist you can trust. When you do, relax a bit, take it slow as you face painful memories and situations.
When you feel emotional pain gently move toward it, not away from it. Become curious about it. Watch what happens inside you, how you react. Let your therapist help you with it.

Avoiding your pain ensures that it will never go away. Studies of PTSD have shown that avoidance is the primary factor in keeping the pain in place. People only get better when they face the pain. It is necessary to face the pain with a therapist, or a team of therapists and others. The same principles are true for any persistent emotional or relational disturbance.

All of us have been through our own journeys. We understand the urge to avoid pain, and the necessity of facing it. When it is in your face, then turning away is no longer possible. But you really do not have to wait until it is that bad. Move toward it, in a safe environment. We are here if you need us.

God bless you.

Dave Hall, LMHC

Filed Under: Anxiety, Depression, empower, Inspire, kindness, Mental Health

Creating Everyday ‘Insta’ Moments with Nature

December 1, 2023 by

The old pond
A frog leaps in.
Sound of the water.
– Basho, (1644-1694)

In therapy, one of the things counselors like to share with clients is the practice of mindfulness. Mindfulness is something that everyone, even kids, can learn. It is bringing attention to the experiencing of the moment. The idea is sensual noticing, acknowledging thoughts and accepting feelings. But practicing mindfulness can also be incorporated into daily life, to uplift the moment. For this exercise, we will use the frog haiku poem as mindfulness inspiration.

Basho, a famous Japanese poet, wrote the above haiku in the fifteenth century. It recalls just one single moment of nature. The silence is part of it. The sound of the water is easy to imagine. When you think of it, can you visualize the moment? What do you see, hear, smell?

Here is an exercise in mindfulness that anyone can do. Pay attention to the details and experience of nature like Basho. Think of it like producing mini ‘Insta’ moments for your senses and mind. This can be done anywhere there are elements of nature. When you notice something beautiful or special, breath it
in deeply like you are smelling a beautiful rose.

Here are some ideas:
-Take a nature walk in your neighborhood and focus on the flora and fauna in all the yards, any nature sounds you hear and the state of the sky. Breath it all in.

-Go to a botanical garden and give yourself permission to soak up the beauty of each tree, flower and shrub. Breath it all in.

-Go bird watching. Take in all the splendor of the environment. Enjoy the movement of bird flight. Breath it all in.

-Sit or take a walk on the beach, noticing the sounds of the waves, the colors and shapes of the shells, the rocks, and the composition of the horizon. Watch the sun rise or set. Breath it all in.

-Buy a beautiful bouquet of flowers and take time to study them. Look at their textures and colors and smell each part of them. Breath it all in.

-Listen to the birds in the morning through your windows. Florida is a place with birdsong. Tune in to them like a radio channel. Breath it all in.

-Try kayaking or paddle-boarding and notice all the life under the water. Breath it all in.

-Grow a seed and observe each stage closely. This one is great for kids. Teach them to breath in the moment.

-Stare at the clouds. Notice subtle colors, the sky in in motion. Look for beauty. Breath it all in.

-Houseplants are also a reliable source of connecting with nature. Study the beauty of an orchid, or the smell of a basil plant.

The exciting news is that you can bring mindfulness to anything. You can do your dishes mindfully. You can play with your children mindfully and interact with your partner mindfully. You can bring it into the shower, and to yardwork. Mindfulness is kind of like magic because it transforms the moment. If you transform enough moments, your life will be transformed.

Written by Megan McKeon – Mental Health Graduate Student at University of the Cumberlands

Filed Under: Anxiety, Depression, empower, Inspire, Intimacy, kindness, love, Men's Issues, Mental Health, Self-Worth, Women Empowerment, Women's Issues

Therapy Goals

September 21, 2023 by

We have all experienced moments in which we felt we were at a loss for handling a situation or a feeling. It is during these times we seek outside assistance, be it from friends, loved ones or with a therapist. Because these are difficult and stressful times, problem solving, positive thinking, or solution finding can seem impossible. However, in therapy this is exactly what we strive for in the midst of these chaotic moments.

This first requires an individual’s awareness they have exhausted their mental and emotional resources and acknowledge the need for professional guidance through this process. Finding a therapist with whom you can share this space continues this process through the sharing of these experiences, feelings, and struggles. It is through this exchange of honest and often difficult information the therapeutic alliance is formed. This alliance between therapist and client is the foundation on which therapy goals are created and refined.

Many individuals do not have clear therapeutic goals at the outset of this journey. Taking the time and making space to sort through uncomfortable situations and emotions brings clarity to one’s thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and therefore, their goals. Therapeutic goals can and will change throughout the process but having a goal on which to focus allows us to see solutions, successes, and areas of improvement. Therapy goals could be considered the mile markers on the journey to wellness.

Working with a therapist to achieve these goals requires individuals, couples, and families to join together, taking the information and insight acquired in sessions into their everyday lives. This day-to-day application solidifies new skills, new ways to view or assess problems, and ultimately achieve goals. Once the goals for therapy are achieved, the skills and benefits of these changes can be applied to future issues and concerns resulting in lifelong improvements in one’s well-being.

Written by April Daniel MS, NCC, LMHC – National Certified Counselor (NCC) and a Licensed Mental Health Counselor

 

Filed Under: Anxiety, Communication, Couples/Marriage, Depression, empower, Family, honesty, Inspire, Intimacy, kindness, love, marriage, Men's Issues, Mental Health, Self-Worth, selfless, Sexual Health, Uncategorized, Women Empowerment, Women's Issues

Protecting Your Peace

September 14, 2023 by

Peace is often thought to look like a straw hammock on a sunny beach or a crackling indoor fireplace on a cold day. And as comforting as these moments are, what they represent is something deeper and more crucial for fortifying our mental health. How can we cultivate feelings of peace that carry over into our day-to-day lives?

In our era of 24-hour news cycles and constant smartphone notifications, it may feel like there’s simply no time for real peace. When free time arises in our busy lives, we have an instant abundance of bite-sized video clips, clickbait headlines, and social messaging to drown our attention in. And somewhere in the constant reach for pleasing distraction, we might occasionally wonder why we feel drained, strained, and burnt out.

Now more than ever it is up to us to be deliberate about cultivating peace. It starts with finding what practice works best for us – prayer, mediation, reading, walking, journaling, or other focused, lowkey activities. It should facilitate a shift from preoccupation to centered mindfulness, creating time for presence, reflection, and grounding. With enough consistency, practices like these can open up a new perspective quite different from the hustle mindset that colors modern life. But what happens when the practice ends, and we step back into daily life?

Just as peace is cultivated, it also needs to be protected. As a calm perspective helps us recognize the inner habits and outer noise that shake our focus, we can also find new approaches. This may look like restructuring a room to limit distractions, setting healthy boundaries in relationships, or challenging negative patterns of thinking or action. In doing so, we protect the restorative peace that prepares us to take on more of life’s challenges.

So, in those times when a vacation is still aways off and it feels like our responsibilities are piling up, we can always choose to be deliberate about cultivating and protecting our peace. When we set aside time for lowkey reflection and mindfulness, it can flow outward and refresh other areas of our busy lives.

Written by Louis Nicholas, IMH24151 – Registered Mental Health Intern

Filed Under: Anxiety, Communication, Depression, empower, faith, Family, honesty, Inspire, Intimacy, kindness, Men's Issues, Mental Health, Self-Worth, selfless, Women's Issues

Walk + Talk Therapy by the Bay

September 8, 2023 by

Walk + talk therapy by the bay is one of my favorite approaches to mental health therapy. As a trauma-informed therapist, I utilize many different therapeutic techniques to best accommodate each client’s needs. I know that sitting on a therapist’s sofa doesn’t feel safe or comfortable for many people. That’s why I offer walk + talk. It’s just like going for a walk with a friend (if your friend was a highly trained mental health professional who knew therapeutic techniques that are clinically proven to improve your mood). ♡

For people who have experienced trauma, the idea of meeting an unknown person in a small office in a new building can feel paralyzing. With walk and talk, we are able to meet in a public park where we are surrounded with other people and beautiful views. While the name implies that we will walk the entire time, there are many seating areas along the route to enjoy the shade and the warm breeze from the bay.

Walk + talk therapy offers an opportunity to reduce stress, relieve body tension, improve circulation, breathe deep and clear the body-mind of intrusive, negative, and ruminative thoughts. These sessions can help you decrease anxiety, regulate mood, enjoy more restful sleep, and more. Additionally, you can receive the feel-good brain chemical benefits of exercise, mindfulness practice and eco-psychology. In session, you can enhance insight, release body trauma, and alter behavior patterns while verbally processing your authentic truth.

In urban planning, there is a concept of integrating waterscapes into cities called “blue spaces.”

👫Studies have found that short, frequent walks along waterscapes (blue spaces) are good for your mental health.

👫There is a significant improvement in well-being and mood immediately after a person goes for a walk in a blue space, compared with walking in an urban environment or resting.

👫Waterscapes have healing effects that enhance psychological resilience to promote mental health.

👫Walk + talk therapy by the bay gives clients an opportunity to enjoy some blue spaces while boosting their mental health.

Similarly, when urban architects add nature elements to cities such as trees, plants, and grass, these are called “green spaces.”

👫 Green spaces provide fresh, healing air to the body

👫 Some mental health benefits of green spaces include: lowered stress levels, reduced rates of depression & anxiety, reduced cortisol levels, and improved general well-being

👫 Enhance your cognitive functioning, improve your sleep, and increase your levels of physical activity.

👫Walk + talk therapy by the bay gives you an opportunity to spend some time outside connecting to nature while working on your mental health.

If you’re joining me for walk + talk therapy, here are a couple things to keep in mind:

👫We don’t have to walk the whole time!

👫There is plenty of seating along the route should we choose to sit by the water and/or stop to talk in the shade.

👫Walking shoes or comfy sandals are recommended.

👫Please bring a water bottle—we’ve got to stay hydrated!

Written by Kalli Portillo, IMH24576 – Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern, EDMRIA-Approved EMDR Therapist, Certified Prepare/Enrich Couple Counselor

To learn more, review the following open access research studies or google “blue and green spaces mental health benefits.”

Benefits of walking psychotherapy:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8892051/

Waterscapes for mental health:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8618438/

Importance of greenspace: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5663018/

Filed Under: Anxiety, Communication, Couples/Marriage, Depression, empower, Family, Inspire, Intimacy, kindness, love, marriage, Men's Issues, Mental Health, Self-Worth, Women Empowerment, Women's Issues

Follow the Pattern

August 10, 2023 by

As a therapist or even someone on the receiving end of therapy, looking for and following patterns is a concrete way of making sense of ourselves. How we handled or reacted to situations in the past can be a great indicator of how we will approach them in the future, as well as allude to how we learned to get by before. Patterns and tendencies act as a road map of sorts that we subconsciously follow to get us to a place that is comfortable and familiar. This concept can be broken down into two parts: (1) the pattern and (2) the destination. As aforementioned, the pattern is the behaviors and thought processes we follow that are seemingly inherent to us, while the destination is the end goal or result we hope to gain or accomplish. If the pattern is the treasure map, then the destination marks the treasure. Let’s put this into context! Suppose you are in an argument with a friend. If tension tends to make you extremely uncomfortable and you want to get to a place of peace quickly (destination), you might succumb to their demands and agree to whatever you need to in order to restore said peace (pattern). Within the same situation, suppose your aim is to prove that you are right and impose that you have your way (destination), you might interrupt your friend, speak loudly over them, and be unwilling to explore their point of view (pattern). In the final example, suppose you want to maintain your friendship and find ways to reach a mutual understanding of one another (destination), you might ask questions and respond with compassion while also presenting your case (pattern). The takeaway here is that when we are aware of our patterns, through the assistance of therapy and self-reflection, we can better identify ways to change the unhealthy and strengthen the healthy tendencies. Additionally, we can wind up with more satisfying and sustainable destinations.

Written by Cindy-Joy Rosado – Graduate Student in Mental Health Counseling

Filed Under: Anxiety, Inspire, kindness, love, Self-Worth