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Navigating the Holiday Blues: Finding Light in the Season of Shadows

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. However, for many individuals, it can also be a  challenging period marked by the holiday blues. These feelings of sadness, loneliness, and anxiety during the festive season are more common than one might think. In this blog post, we’ll explore the reasons behind the holiday blues and offer practical tips for navigating
this emotionally complex time.

Understanding the Holiday Blues:
1. Social Expectations: The holiday season comes with societal expectations of happiness and togetherness. This pressure to be festive and cheerful can be overwhelming, especially for those who may be dealing with personal challenges or losses.

2. Comparisons and Reflections: The holidays often prompt reflection on the past year, which can lead to comparisons and a sense of unmet expectations. Individuals may find themselves assessing their achievements, relationships, and life choices, potentially triggering feelings of
inadequacy or regret.

3. Loneliness: Not everyone has a robust support system or close-knit family to spend the holidays with. For those who are alone or have strained relationships, the season can amplify feelings of isolation and loneliness.

4. Financial Strain: The financial burden of gift-giving, travel, and hosting can contribute to stress and anxiety. The pressure to meet material expectations can be particularly challenging for those facing economic difficulties.

Navigating the Holiday Blues:
1. Acknowledge and Accept: The first step in addressing the holiday blues is acknowledging and accepting your feelings. It’s okay not to feel festive all the time, and recognizing your emotions is an essential part of self-care.

2. Set Realistic Expectations: Manage your expectations and understand that perfection is not the goal. Embrace imperfections and focus on creating meaningful moments rather than adhering to an idealized version of the holidays.

3. Reach Out for Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or support groups. Share your feelings and let others know if  you need company or assistance. Connecting with others can provide comfort and a sense of belonging.

4. Create New Traditions: If traditional holiday activities trigger negative emotions, consider creating new traditions that align with your current circumstances and bring joy. This could include volunteering, starting a new hobby, or taking a solo trip.

5. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize self-care during the holidays. Take time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or practicing mindfulness.

6. Seek Professional Help: If the holiday blues become overwhelming and persist, consider seeking professional help. Mental health professionals can provide support, coping strategies, and a safe space to explore and address underlying issues.

The holiday blues are a common and valid experience that many individuals navigate each year. By acknowledging these feelings, setting realistic expectations, reaching out for support, and practicing self-care, it’s possible to find light in the midst of the seasonal shadows. Remember that everyone’s journey is unique, and prioritizing your well-being is key to making it through the holiday season with
resilience and grace.

Written by Sherline Herard, MH24002, Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Healing Minds: Exploring the Power of EMDR Therapy

 

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy is a psychotherapy approach that is primarily used to help individuals process and resolve traumatic experiences. It was developed by Francine Shapiro in the late 1980s and has since gained recognition as an effective treatment for trauma-related disorders, particularly post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Here are the key elements and principles of EMDR therapy:

1. Bilateral Stimulation:

One of the distinctive features of EMDR therapy is the use of bilateral stimulation, which can involve either side-to-side eye movements, taps or tones (using handheld devices), or other forms of alternating sensory input (such as hand tapping or auditory tones). This bilateral stimulation is believed to mimic the rapid eye movement (REM) sleep phase, during which emotional processing occurs naturally.

2. Eight Phases:

EMDR therapy is structured into eight distinct phases:

– History Taking: Gathering information about the client's history and identifying targets for treatment.

– Educating the client about EMDR therapy and developing coping skills to manage distress.

– Assessment: Identifying specific memories or experiences to target during EMDR sessions.

– Desensitization: Using bilateral stimulation to process traumatic memories and associated negative emotions.

– Installation: Strengthening positive beliefs and adaptive coping mechanisms.

– Body Scan: Assessing for any residual physical tension related to the targeted memory.

– Closure: Ensuring the client feels stable and grounded at the end of each session.

– Reevaluation: Reviewing progress and identifying any additional targets for future sessions.

3. Adaptive Information Processing Model:

EMDR therapy is based on the Adaptive Information Processing (AIP) model, which posits that many psychological problems are due to unprocessed memories that are stored in a maladaptive way. EMDR aims to facilitate the brain’s natural ability to process and integrate these memories, resulting in reduced emotional distress and improved cognitive functioning.

4. EMDR therapy is primarily used to treat PTSD and trauma-related disorders, but it has also been adapted for use with other conditions such as anxiety, depression, phobias, and more. It is considered an evidence-based practice and is endorsed by organizations such as the American Psychiatric Association (APA) and the World Health Organization (WHO) for the treatment of PTSD.

Overall, EMDR therapy is designed to help individuals reprocess traumatic memories and associated negative beliefs, allowing them to move towards a state of psychological healing and adaptive functioning. It is typically conducted by trained therapists who have completed specific EMDR training programs.

Written by Jennifer Freel, Registered Mental Health Intern IMH26129

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*Coming soon, Jennifer Freel will be offering EMDR Therapy to further support her clients’ healing journeys.

Emotional Affairs and Personality Disorders in Marriage and Family Therapy

Navigating the Complex Terrain of Emotional Affairs and Personality Disorders in Marriage and Family Therapy
In the intricate landscape of marriage and family therapy, the challenges posed by emotional affairs can be even more profound when compounded by personality disorders. Whether you’re a therapist working with couples or someone navigating these issues personally, understanding the interplay between emotional connections and mental health is essential.

Understanding Emotional Affairs
Emotional affairs often begin as a friendship that deepens into a connection characterized by intimacy and secrecy. Unlike physical infidelity, emotional affairs involve a significant emotional investment in someone outside the marriage, which can lead to feelings of betrayal and profound hurt.

For couples, these affairs can signal deeper issues within the relationship, such as unmet emotional needs, communication breakdowns, or a desire for validation. In therapy, it’s crucial to explore the underlying factors that led to the emotional affair while addressing the couple’s dynamics.

Written by Danielle Fous, Marriage and Family Graduate Student

3 Habits Impacting Your Mental Health

Oftentimes, when we think about what could harm our mental health, our minds go to major life events—the loss of a job, the end of a relationship, or the death of a loved one. But small habits that often go unnoticed can also play a major role. Below are three common habits that could be negatively affecting your mental health:

1. Not Getting Enough Sleep
Sleep impacts your mental health in numerous ways—it can affect your cognitive skills, mood, and behavior. As such, failing to get enough sleep can increase your risk of anxiety and depression and make it more difficult for you to focus, solve problems, make decisions, remember things, and control your emotions and impulses. Try sticking to the same sleep schedule, keeping your bedroom cool and dark, and performing a relaxing activity before bed (e.g., taking a warm bath or reading).

2. Being Inactive
In today’s busy world, it can be difficult to find time to exercise, but it’s important to stay active. Not only can exercise improve your physical health, but it can also boost your mental health. In fact, studies have shown that regularly exercising could reduce your risk of depression.

3. Scrolling Through Social Media
Social media can be beneficial—it can help you stay connected to long-distance family and friends and keep up with current events—but research suggests that spending too much time on it can lead to anxiety and depression. To reduce your screen time, try setting a timer, turning off notifications, or deleting apps from your phone.

Start Improving Your Mental Health
In addition to breaking the negative habits described above, one of the best things you can do to boost your mental health is speak to a therapist. Fortunately, you can entrust your care to the skilled team at our practice. Once we’ve learned more about you and any issues you may be experiencing, we’ll be able to provide you with customized advice for how to eliminate negative habits from your life and start implementing more positive ones. Contact us today to schedule your first appointment.

Written by Sherline Herard, Licensed Mental Health Counselor

My PhD Journey

Recently I embarked on a new journey in my PhD program. My qualitative course is one of the first three and the most challenging. This course has led to a lot of soul searching on the best way to present my research question. I decided that it may be best if I research a specific
group. I have chosen to narrow my research down to black married men. My question is currently still under construction. I want it to be a meaningful statement that articulates how the overarching theme of the study. I also do not want to lead participants to the conclusion that I am trying to make. Therefore, a vaguer description might be beneficial. My thought was “What are the communication barriers that black males face in marriage?”. I have been gauging the interest of men that I know, who are married and find communication in their relationship difficult.

So far, I have received a lot of inquiry on this topic and the idea of diving deeper into a man’s vulnerability with his wife. Specifically black men, who in my experience must consistently portray a strength. This is a very taxing façade to project at all times. An assumption of marriage is that both individuals are comfortable to show their true and authentic self. If this statement was an absolute, my assumption is that men would express more than just anger in their relationship. I tend to believe that men test the boundaries of how open they can be with their spouse. When their vulnerability is rejected through a critical reaction, disappointment, or lack of comfortability by their spouse; men tend to shut down.

As a boy growing up, I was taught that my emotions were not acceptable. This resulted in behaviors that caused more damage for my mental health. Because I did not feel safe expressing myself, I found it hard to be vulnerable with others. I also found myself in unhealthy coping mechanisms and hiding behaviors that were not seen as “good”. I longed for people that I could unpack the turmoil that I felt inside. I thought that in marriage I would find this safe space. What I found was my hiding of my true emotions gave my wife an unrealistic expectation of me as a man. I was always “strong and stoic” in our dating phase of the relationship. For 5 years before marriage my wife thought that nothing phased me. She later realized I was a ball of emotions. In the beginning of or marriage she did not know how to react to what I was saying. This led to me feeling alone and misunderstood within my own house, almost as if I was a teenager all over again. Though this sounds dramatic, it is natural for us as humans to relate our current reality to past situations. These trips back to spaces of emotional scarcity can limit our ability to be present in the moment, and while this sounds like a riveting crisis. It would be highly unproductive for
your mental health if I just left you with a problem and no way to work towards a different result.

If you find yourself in a place where you do not feel like you have the permission to be vulnerable in relationships; I believe it starts by creating a space for yourself. We have all heard the saying that you cannot give others what you do not give yourself. It is also very true that you cannot ask from others what you first ask from for yourself. If I do not think my voice matters, someone else saying it does will not validate the insecurity inside of me. As men, we must give our inner child the freedom to feel every emotion, no matter how uncomfortable. As we begin to accept, we are more than anger and excitement, we will be able to ask others accept that as well.

Written by Tim Nelson, Registered Mental Health Intern #25977

Understanding Good Mental Health: A Holistic Perspective

As I embarked on my journey as a Student Mental Health Intern, I immersed myself in various theories, techniques, and research to enhance clients’ mental well-being. While these tools are valuable, a fundamental question persisted: “What does good mental health truly entail?”

Human experiences are diverse, yet we often find common ground in our pursuit of purpose and fulfillment—whether through a thriving career, nurturing a family, or simply leading a meaningful life. The essence of mental health becomes clearer when we acknowledge that our search for purpose invariably involves navigating mistakes and overcoming challenges. By confronting these obstacles, we learn about ourselves and our capacity to achieve our goals.

The essence of good mental health transcends external achievements; it lies in addressing and nurturing our internal struggles. Common advice to “just do what makes you happy” or “do what you think is best for yourself,” I would argue, can inadvertently foster isolation if not acknowledged with a broader perspective. Focusing solely on personal happiness might seem appealing and, in some cases, be what’s best. It may also lead to a solitary existence if it means being too comfortable and becoming stagnant.

In my view, our purpose extends beyond individual satisfaction; it involves fostering meaningful connections and communities. These relationships, forged through shared experiences and proximity, often evolve into deeper bonds that teach us about sacrifice and selflessness. By prioritizing the well-being of others, we cultivate discipline—a crucial element in forming positive habits. Though these habits may seem basic, they contribute significantly to overall mental health, such as maintaining a balanced diet or exercising regularly.

In a world with conflicting opinions and materialistic promises from media and celebrities, it’s easy to be misled about what constitutes genuine mental well-being. The notion that acquiring possessions or achieving a certain appearance will resolve our issues is a common but flawed narrative.

I would make the case that true mental health is characterized by the ability to embrace life’s joys and challenges with resilience. It involves having a supportive community to rely on in times of need and fostering a mindset that values living well not only for personal gain but also for the positive impact on others.

In essence, good mental health is a balanced state of being that integrates personal resilience, supportive relationships, and a sense of purpose that extends beyond oneself.

Written by Juan Cubillos, Graduate Student in Clinical Mental Health

Reawakened Grief

Has a loved one, family member, or good friend passed away? Coping when a loved one has died can be difficult. Emotionally and mentally, your thoughts may unravel, and you feel lost. There may be times you hear a song or see a particular dish of food, and the memories of your loved one flood back. This is an example of what is called reawakened grief. Awakened grief is the flashback of emotions that flood your
mind when replaying the loss. The time frame could be weeks to years when you have experienced the death of your loved one or friend. This flood of anxiety and fear can lead one to withdraw from the scheduled or regular daily duties they used to enjoy.

I, too, have had emotions while thinking of a loved one who has died. During this grief, the feelings that may surface are tearfulness, irritability, feeling spaced out, despair, immense sadness, confusion, headaches, distraction, anger, and sluggishness (tired). Physically, you may encounter stomach aches and pains (diarrhea and nausea), dry mouth, feeling weak, body aches and pains, difficulty sleeping and concentrating, and lack of appetite.

There are ways to help cope during this difficult time. Please note that anniversary reminders are a normal response during the grief process. First, permit yourself to grieve by talking to family or friends. Talk therapy sessions can be scheduled to allow you to feel the emotions and speak openly in a confidential space. Try to maintain your health by taking care of yourself. Allow the good memories to flow and celebrate with a new tradition (plant a tree or flower). Attempting to make a favorite dish or travel to a place of great memories can provide distractions during the anniversary or major holiday. To gain more control over your life and proceed to a healthy future, take hold of grief and acknowledge it exists.

Written by Maxine Martin, Mental Health Graduate Student

How Play Therapy Helps Children Conquer Anxiety

Working with children and guiding them through their challenges is a passion of mine over the last 15 years. Play therapy offers a holistic approach to addressing childhood anxiety, allowing children to express themselves authentically while developing essential coping skills. As a marriage and family therapist intern, incorporating play therapy techniques into my practice can make a profound difference in the lives of anxious children and their families. By fostering a therapeutic environment grounded in empathy, acceptance, and creativity, we can empower children to overcome their anxiety and thrive emotionally.

Play therapy operates on the principle that play is the language of children. Through toys, art materials, and other expressive mediums, children can communicate their inner world, fears, and anxieties in a non-threatening manner. Play therapy sessions are guided by the therapist, who observes, reflects, and empathizes with the child’s play, providing a supportive presence throughout the process.
In the context of anxiety, play therapy offers children opportunities to confront their fears, develop coping strategies, and build resilience. Whether it’s engaging in imaginative play, creating stories, or using puppets to act out scenarios, children can gain insights into their emotions and learn effective ways to manage anxiety.

Thank you for joining us on this journey through the world of play therapy.

Written by Danielle Fous, Mental Health Graduate Student

3 Things I Wish I Knew When I Began Therapy

  1. You don’t have to pretend you’re ok.

Your therapist is fully equipped to meet you exactly where you are. Being authentic in session also gives your therapist more of an accurate picture of who you are. There is no way to heal what we don’t reveal. With the understanding rapport and trust can take some time to build. It is important that when you are comfortable you feel, the more you begin to share. Therapy is meant to be a nonjudgmental and free space. A place where you don’t have to worry about judgement.

2. Do not stress so much on if you are good or bad person.

When we think we are bad people we hide the things that would support that belief. We won’t address the times we were in the wrong. We tell the half of the story that shows how much of a victim we are. This is the same with desiring to be seen as good. When the desire for goodness, surpasses the desire for healing. We trade honesty in for in for the facade of a perfect image.

3. Healing takes time

Therapy is not a magic pill that will give you relief the moment you leave your first session. Sometimes things can get worse before they get better. Uncovering the past and processing hurts can bring all those feelings rushing back. If we aren’t careful, we will leave before the miracle happens. Healing comes to those who are willing to work for it. Persistence is the magic that we need to succeed in therapy. Simply put, “Don’t give up!”

As the world continues to change around us at a rapid rate, we need unbiased places to process our experiences. My hope is that therapy can be that outlet for those who feel they have no one to listen.

Written by Tim Nelson, Registered Mental Health Intern #25977

 

 

Back-To-School But Make It Stress-Free

As summer winds down, many children are gearing up to head back to school or begin their school journey for the first time. This transition—like any other transitions whether they involve moving, starting a new job, or facing job loss—often bring stress and anxiety to all involved, and heading back to school is no exception. This post provides practical tips and strategies to help ease this transition, aiming to make the back-to-school period more manageable and less stressful for everyone involved.

Prepare
To be productive and successful, it’s crucial to know what needs to be done and when. From waking up on time to meeting work deadlines to picking up the kids from school at their release time, having a clear plan helps to manage everyday tasks more effectively. The same principle applies to new routines, like going to school. Knowing where you need to go and when you need to be there are key to organizing your day efficiently. By preparing in advance, you can reduce stressors such as heavy traffic and extra commuting time.

The unknown or unfamiliar can lead to fear and anxiety for many including children, which can manifest in problem behaviors including tantrums. Ease anxieties about new surroundings by showing videos, pictures, or virtual tours of the school and classroom. Even educational shows or movies about school settings can help. This is what an open house aims to do, however sometimes the open house is full of so much information for the parents that the child does not have adequate time to become familiar with the new classroom, school or teacher and thus taking time to make sure the child is being exposed to what going to school is like, even in a book or story, can serve as a way to make sure that the situation is not so unfamiliar that anxiety and stress arises.

Reach out to teachers, preferably before school starts, to discuss your child’s needs. Building this communication channel early ensures that teachers are aware of any special requirements and can collaborate effectively to support your child and address any special needs for your child.

Discuss any sensory conditions, dietary restrictions, allergies, behavioral strategies, or medications with the school ahead of time. Ensuring that your child’s needs are met will help them feel comfortable and safe.

The importance of routine:
A well-established routine can significantly reduce anxiety and help manage your day more effectively. Children thrive on consistency. In ABA, visual schedules are used to help reduce anxiety and manage transitions by providing a clear outline of daily activities. Visual schedules are also helpful outside of ABA, knowing what to expect and for how long is a great way to relieve anxiety and to promote success.

**How to Create a Visual Schedule: **

1. List Daily Activities: Write down everything that happens from the time your child wakes up until bedtime. Include all activities, such as school, playtime, breaks, and appointments.

2. Organize by Order: Arrange these activities in the order they occur.

3. Use Visuals: Depending on your child’s age, use pictures or printouts to represent each activity. For example, a picture of a backpack can signify “school.”

4. Create the Schedule: Attach these images to a board using Velcro. Place the board where your child can easily see it.

5. Review Together: Go over the schedule with your child to explain each activity. Even if your child is very young or non-verbal, this step is crucial for preparing them.

6. Involve Your Child: Let your child help in creating the schedule. Choosing and cutting out images can make the schedule feel more personal and engaging.

7. Follow Through: As you go through the day, refer to the visual schedule and move completed tasks to the “completed” side. This helps reinforce the routine and provides a sense of accomplishment.

8. Supervise and Support: Actively supervise your child as they follow the schedule. This not only teaches them the importance of routine but also encourages independence as they practice daily tasks.

Reorganizing Your Own Schedule:
Integrating your child’s routine into your own schedule is vital for maintaining balance and peace of mind. By planning activities such as homework, meals, and extracurriculars, you can better manage your time and avoid overbooking. Creating a visual schedule for yourself can also demonstrate the importance of organization to your child and offer a bonding experience.

Practice
Consistency is key to making routines work. By preparing thoroughly, planning with a schedule, and sticking to it, you help minimize stress and ensure that both you and your child are organized. This not only makes the transition back to school smoother but also teaches valuable skills that will benefit your child now and in the future.

By following these steps and establishing a clear routine, you can create a less stressful and more organized start to the school year as well as maintaining functional routines that aid in stress management and success.

Written by Johana Calvo, IMFT, BCaBA

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