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3 Habits Impacting Your Mental Health

Oftentimes, when we think about what could harm our mental health, our minds go to major life events—the loss of a job, the end of a relationship, or the death of a loved one. But small habits that often go unnoticed can also play a major role. Below are three common habits that could be negatively affecting your mental health:

1. Not Getting Enough Sleep
Sleep impacts your mental health in numerous ways—it can affect your cognitive skills, mood, and behavior. As such, failing to get enough sleep can increase your risk of anxiety and depression and make it more difficult for you to focus, solve problems, make decisions, remember things, and control your emotions and impulses. Try sticking to the same sleep schedule, keeping your bedroom cool and dark, and performing a relaxing activity before bed (e.g., taking a warm bath or reading).

2. Being Inactive
In today’s busy world, it can be difficult to find time to exercise, but it’s important to stay active. Not only can exercise improve your physical health, but it can also boost your mental health. In fact, studies have shown that regularly exercising could reduce your risk of depression.

3. Scrolling Through Social Media
Social media can be beneficial—it can help you stay connected to long-distance family and friends and keep up with current events—but research suggests that spending too much time on it can lead to anxiety and depression. To reduce your screen time, try setting a timer, turning off notifications, or deleting apps from your phone.

Start Improving Your Mental Health
In addition to breaking the negative habits described above, one of the best things you can do to boost your mental health is speak to a therapist. Fortunately, you can entrust your care to the skilled team at our practice. Once we’ve learned more about you and any issues you may be experiencing, we’ll be able to provide you with customized advice for how to eliminate negative habits from your life and start implementing more positive ones. Contact us today to schedule your first appointment.

Written by Sherline Herard, Licensed Mental Health Counselor

My PhD Journey

Recently I embarked on a new journey in my PhD program. My qualitative course is one of the first three and the most challenging. This course has led to a lot of soul searching on the best way to present my research question. I decided that it may be best if I research a specific
group. I have chosen to narrow my research down to black married men. My question is currently still under construction. I want it to be a meaningful statement that articulates how the overarching theme of the study. I also do not want to lead participants to the conclusion that I am trying to make. Therefore, a vaguer description might be beneficial. My thought was “What are the communication barriers that black males face in marriage?”. I have been gauging the interest of men that I know, who are married and find communication in their relationship difficult.

So far, I have received a lot of inquiry on this topic and the idea of diving deeper into a man’s vulnerability with his wife. Specifically black men, who in my experience must consistently portray a strength. This is a very taxing façade to project at all times. An assumption of marriage is that both individuals are comfortable to show their true and authentic self. If this statement was an absolute, my assumption is that men would express more than just anger in their relationship. I tend to believe that men test the boundaries of how open they can be with their spouse. When their vulnerability is rejected through a critical reaction, disappointment, or lack of comfortability by their spouse; men tend to shut down.

As a boy growing up, I was taught that my emotions were not acceptable. This resulted in behaviors that caused more damage for my mental health. Because I did not feel safe expressing myself, I found it hard to be vulnerable with others. I also found myself in unhealthy coping mechanisms and hiding behaviors that were not seen as “good”. I longed for people that I could unpack the turmoil that I felt inside. I thought that in marriage I would find this safe space. What I found was my hiding of my true emotions gave my wife an unrealistic expectation of me as a man. I was always “strong and stoic” in our dating phase of the relationship. For 5 years before marriage my wife thought that nothing phased me. She later realized I was a ball of emotions. In the beginning of or marriage she did not know how to react to what I was saying. This led to me feeling alone and misunderstood within my own house, almost as if I was a teenager all over again. Though this sounds dramatic, it is natural for us as humans to relate our current reality to past situations. These trips back to spaces of emotional scarcity can limit our ability to be present in the moment, and while this sounds like a riveting crisis. It would be highly unproductive for
your mental health if I just left you with a problem and no way to work towards a different result.

If you find yourself in a place where you do not feel like you have the permission to be vulnerable in relationships; I believe it starts by creating a space for yourself. We have all heard the saying that you cannot give others what you do not give yourself. It is also very true that you cannot ask from others what you first ask from for yourself. If I do not think my voice matters, someone else saying it does will not validate the insecurity inside of me. As men, we must give our inner child the freedom to feel every emotion, no matter how uncomfortable. As we begin to accept, we are more than anger and excitement, we will be able to ask others accept that as well.

Written by Tim Nelson, Registered Mental Health Intern #25977

Understanding Good Mental Health: A Holistic Perspective

As I embarked on my journey as a Student Mental Health Intern, I immersed myself in various theories, techniques, and research to enhance clients’ mental well-being. While these tools are valuable, a fundamental question persisted: “What does good mental health truly entail?”

Human experiences are diverse, yet we often find common ground in our pursuit of purpose and fulfillment—whether through a thriving career, nurturing a family, or simply leading a meaningful life. The essence of mental health becomes clearer when we acknowledge that our search for purpose invariably involves navigating mistakes and overcoming challenges. By confronting these obstacles, we learn about ourselves and our capacity to achieve our goals.

The essence of good mental health transcends external achievements; it lies in addressing and nurturing our internal struggles. Common advice to “just do what makes you happy” or “do what you think is best for yourself,” I would argue, can inadvertently foster isolation if not acknowledged with a broader perspective. Focusing solely on personal happiness might seem appealing and, in some cases, be what’s best. It may also lead to a solitary existence if it means being too comfortable and becoming stagnant.

In my view, our purpose extends beyond individual satisfaction; it involves fostering meaningful connections and communities. These relationships, forged through shared experiences and proximity, often evolve into deeper bonds that teach us about sacrifice and selflessness. By prioritizing the well-being of others, we cultivate discipline—a crucial element in forming positive habits. Though these habits may seem basic, they contribute significantly to overall mental health, such as maintaining a balanced diet or exercising regularly.

In a world with conflicting opinions and materialistic promises from media and celebrities, it’s easy to be misled about what constitutes genuine mental well-being. The notion that acquiring possessions or achieving a certain appearance will resolve our issues is a common but flawed narrative.

I would make the case that true mental health is characterized by the ability to embrace life’s joys and challenges with resilience. It involves having a supportive community to rely on in times of need and fostering a mindset that values living well not only for personal gain but also for the positive impact on others.

In essence, good mental health is a balanced state of being that integrates personal resilience, supportive relationships, and a sense of purpose that extends beyond oneself.

Written by Juan Cubillos, Graduate Student in Clinical Mental Health

Reawakened Grief

Has a loved one, family member, or good friend passed away? Coping when a loved one has died can be difficult. Emotionally and mentally, your thoughts may unravel, and you feel lost. There may be times you hear a song or see a particular dish of food, and the memories of your loved one flood back. This is an example of what is called reawakened grief. Awakened grief is the flashback of emotions that flood your
mind when replaying the loss. The time frame could be weeks to years when you have experienced the death of your loved one or friend. This flood of anxiety and fear can lead one to withdraw from the scheduled or regular daily duties they used to enjoy.

I, too, have had emotions while thinking of a loved one who has died. During this grief, the feelings that may surface are tearfulness, irritability, feeling spaced out, despair, immense sadness, confusion, headaches, distraction, anger, and sluggishness (tired). Physically, you may encounter stomach aches and pains (diarrhea and nausea), dry mouth, feeling weak, body aches and pains, difficulty sleeping and concentrating, and lack of appetite.

There are ways to help cope during this difficult time. Please note that anniversary reminders are a normal response during the grief process. First, permit yourself to grieve by talking to family or friends. Talk therapy sessions can be scheduled to allow you to feel the emotions and speak openly in a confidential space. Try to maintain your health by taking care of yourself. Allow the good memories to flow and celebrate with a new tradition (plant a tree or flower). Attempting to make a favorite dish or travel to a place of great memories can provide distractions during the anniversary or major holiday. To gain more control over your life and proceed to a healthy future, take hold of grief and acknowledge it exists.

Written by Maxine Martin, Mental Health Graduate Student

How Play Therapy Helps Children Conquer Anxiety

Working with children and guiding them through their challenges is a passion of mine over the last 15 years. Play therapy offers a holistic approach to addressing childhood anxiety, allowing children to express themselves authentically while developing essential coping skills. As a marriage and family therapist intern, incorporating play therapy techniques into my practice can make a profound difference in the lives of anxious children and their families. By fostering a therapeutic environment grounded in empathy, acceptance, and creativity, we can empower children to overcome their anxiety and thrive emotionally.

Play therapy operates on the principle that play is the language of children. Through toys, art materials, and other expressive mediums, children can communicate their inner world, fears, and anxieties in a non-threatening manner. Play therapy sessions are guided by the therapist, who observes, reflects, and empathizes with the child’s play, providing a supportive presence throughout the process.
In the context of anxiety, play therapy offers children opportunities to confront their fears, develop coping strategies, and build resilience. Whether it’s engaging in imaginative play, creating stories, or using puppets to act out scenarios, children can gain insights into their emotions and learn effective ways to manage anxiety.

Thank you for joining us on this journey through the world of play therapy.

Written by Danielle Fous, Mental Health Graduate Student

3 Things I Wish I Knew When I Began Therapy

  1. You don’t have to pretend you’re ok.

Your therapist is fully equipped to meet you exactly where you are. Being authentic in session also gives your therapist more of an accurate picture of who you are. There is no way to heal what we don’t reveal. With the understanding rapport and trust can take some time to build. It is important that when you are comfortable you feel, the more you begin to share. Therapy is meant to be a nonjudgmental and free space. A place where you don’t have to worry about judgement.

2. Do not stress so much on if you are good or bad person.

When we think we are bad people we hide the things that would support that belief. We won’t address the times we were in the wrong. We tell the half of the story that shows how much of a victim we are. This is the same with desiring to be seen as good. When the desire for goodness, surpasses the desire for healing. We trade honesty in for in for the facade of a perfect image.

3. Healing takes time

Therapy is not a magic pill that will give you relief the moment you leave your first session. Sometimes things can get worse before they get better. Uncovering the past and processing hurts can bring all those feelings rushing back. If we aren’t careful, we will leave before the miracle happens. Healing comes to those who are willing to work for it. Persistence is the magic that we need to succeed in therapy. Simply put, “Don’t give up!”

As the world continues to change around us at a rapid rate, we need unbiased places to process our experiences. My hope is that therapy can be that outlet for those who feel they have no one to listen.

Written by Tim Nelson, Registered Mental Health Intern #25977

 

 

Back-To-School But Make It Stress-Free

As summer winds down, many children are gearing up to head back to school or begin their school journey for the first time. This transition—like any other transitions whether they involve moving, starting a new job, or facing job loss—often bring stress and anxiety to all involved, and heading back to school is no exception. This post provides practical tips and strategies to help ease this transition, aiming to make the back-to-school period more manageable and less stressful for everyone involved.

Prepare
To be productive and successful, it’s crucial to know what needs to be done and when. From waking up on time to meeting work deadlines to picking up the kids from school at their release time, having a clear plan helps to manage everyday tasks more effectively. The same principle applies to new routines, like going to school. Knowing where you need to go and when you need to be there are key to organizing your day efficiently. By preparing in advance, you can reduce stressors such as heavy traffic and extra commuting time.

The unknown or unfamiliar can lead to fear and anxiety for many including children, which can manifest in problem behaviors including tantrums. Ease anxieties about new surroundings by showing videos, pictures, or virtual tours of the school and classroom. Even educational shows or movies about school settings can help. This is what an open house aims to do, however sometimes the open house is full of so much information for the parents that the child does not have adequate time to become familiar with the new classroom, school or teacher and thus taking time to make sure the child is being exposed to what going to school is like, even in a book or story, can serve as a way to make sure that the situation is not so unfamiliar that anxiety and stress arises.

Reach out to teachers, preferably before school starts, to discuss your child’s needs. Building this communication channel early ensures that teachers are aware of any special requirements and can collaborate effectively to support your child and address any special needs for your child.

Discuss any sensory conditions, dietary restrictions, allergies, behavioral strategies, or medications with the school ahead of time. Ensuring that your child’s needs are met will help them feel comfortable and safe.

The importance of routine:
A well-established routine can significantly reduce anxiety and help manage your day more effectively. Children thrive on consistency. In ABA, visual schedules are used to help reduce anxiety and manage transitions by providing a clear outline of daily activities. Visual schedules are also helpful outside of ABA, knowing what to expect and for how long is a great way to relieve anxiety and to promote success.

**How to Create a Visual Schedule: **

1. List Daily Activities: Write down everything that happens from the time your child wakes up until bedtime. Include all activities, such as school, playtime, breaks, and appointments.

2. Organize by Order: Arrange these activities in the order they occur.

3. Use Visuals: Depending on your child’s age, use pictures or printouts to represent each activity. For example, a picture of a backpack can signify “school.”

4. Create the Schedule: Attach these images to a board using Velcro. Place the board where your child can easily see it.

5. Review Together: Go over the schedule with your child to explain each activity. Even if your child is very young or non-verbal, this step is crucial for preparing them.

6. Involve Your Child: Let your child help in creating the schedule. Choosing and cutting out images can make the schedule feel more personal and engaging.

7. Follow Through: As you go through the day, refer to the visual schedule and move completed tasks to the “completed” side. This helps reinforce the routine and provides a sense of accomplishment.

8. Supervise and Support: Actively supervise your child as they follow the schedule. This not only teaches them the importance of routine but also encourages independence as they practice daily tasks.

Reorganizing Your Own Schedule:
Integrating your child’s routine into your own schedule is vital for maintaining balance and peace of mind. By planning activities such as homework, meals, and extracurriculars, you can better manage your time and avoid overbooking. Creating a visual schedule for yourself can also demonstrate the importance of organization to your child and offer a bonding experience.

Practice
Consistency is key to making routines work. By preparing thoroughly, planning with a schedule, and sticking to it, you help minimize stress and ensure that both you and your child are organized. This not only makes the transition back to school smoother but also teaches valuable skills that will benefit your child now and in the future.

By following these steps and establishing a clear routine, you can create a less stressful and more organized start to the school year as well as maintaining functional routines that aid in stress management and success.

Written by Johana Calvo, IMFT, BCaBA

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A Holistic Approach to Parenting Challenges through Talk Therapy and Behavioral Interventions

Parenting is undoubtedly one of life’s most rewarding experiences, but it’s also accompanied by its fair share of challenges. From managing behavioral issues to coping with the everyday stresses of parenthood, navigating these hurdles can sometimes feel overwhelming. However, through a combination of talk therapy and evidence-based behavioral interventions, parents can find invaluable support in addressing these challenges and fostering a healthier family dynamic.

  1. Behavioral Interventions: Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) and other behavioral interventions provide parents with practical strategies for addressing common behavioral challenges in children. These techniques focus on identifying triggers, setting clear expectations, and reinforcing positive behaviors. While ABA primarily targets the child’s behavior, parents play a crucial role in implementing these strategies consistently and effectively at home. Talk therapy can complement behavioral interventions by providing parents with the support and guidance they need to implement these techniques successfully. Therapists can help parents explore their own reactions to their child’s behavior, identify potential barriers to consistency, and develop coping strategies for managing challenging situations.

  1. Coping Strategies: Parenting can be emotionally taxing, especially when faced with persistent behavioral challenges or unexpected obstacles. Talk therapy offers parents a safe space to process their emotions, express their concerns, and develop healthy coping strategies. Through supportive listening, validation, and guidance, therapists help parents navigate feelings of frustration, guilt, or inadequacy, empowering them to respond to challenges with resilience and self-compassion. By addressing their own emotional needs, parents can cultivate the strength and stability needed to support their children effectively.

  1. Managing Expectations: Unrealistic expectations can contribute to feelings of stress and disappointment in parenting. Talk therapy provides parents with an opportunity to explore and adjust their expectations, both of themselves and their children. By examining their beliefs and assumptions about parenthood, therapists help parents develop more realistic and flexible expectations, reducing the pressure to achieve perfection and fostering a greater sense of acceptance and contentment. Through open dialogue and reflection, parents can align their expectations with the unique needs and abilities of their children, promoting a more harmonious and fulfilling family dynamic.

  1. Strengthening Marital Relationships: Parenting challenges can sometimes strain marital relationships, leading to conflict, resentment, or feelings of isolation. Talk therapy offers couples a space to address these issues openly and constructively, improving communication, strengthening emotional bonds, and fostering greater mutual support. By exploring their individual perspectives and experiences, couples gain insight into each other’s parenting styles, values, and priorities, enhancing their ability to collaborate effectively as co-parents. Additionally, therapy provides couples with tools and techniques for resolving conflicts, managing stress, and nurturing their relationship amidst the demands of parenthood, ultimately promoting a more resilient and satisfying partnership.

In conclusion, talk therapy and behavioral interventions offer a comprehensive approach to addressing the challenges of parenting. By combining emotional support, practical strategies, and collaborative problem-solving, parents can develop the skills and resilience needed to navigate the complexities of parenthood with confidence and compassion. Whether managing behavioral issues, coping with stress, adjusting expectations, or strengthening relationships, therapy provides parents with invaluable resources for fostering a nurturing and supportive family environment where children can thrive.

Written by Shannon Parrinello IMH24291, Registered Mental Health Intern

Stay, Go or Fall for the Subtle Settle?

Did you even notice that talking about the ups & downs of relationships is not easy? In fact, most adults have bits and pieces of past relationships that they haven’t shared with another soul. Have you explored relationship status discussions as of late or do you (like many) avoid them at all costs? There is an old joke in which one partner says to the other…”I said I loved you forty years ago, if that changed, I would have let you know!” This may be funny but it is a recipe for disaster and dissolution of unions! Hence, it may be time for you to take a closer look. I believe you are worth it and relationship exploration can help understand past history which affects future success.

Let’s have an honest, open-minded look at your past & present romantic relationships?
Happiness and fulfillment for most couples includes good communication, faith, empathy, patience, forgiveness, intimacy and more. Romantic relationships can come in many forms, some good, some great, some meh, some bad and others downright terrible! All have the power to change our lives, for better or for worse. Most directly correlate with the desires of our heart. This accounts for the fact that romantic attachments often include the most incredible and unfortunately, some of the absolute worst moments and days of our lives.

Truth be told, most adults know when our romantic relationships rock.
What’s more, our “wise minds” also recognize when our relationships become unsatisfying, uninspiring or even toxic.
We may struggle to verbalize or even admit it to ourselves but few can deny relationship status after a careful examination of conscience. For this reason, we should call it what it truly is and do something if it is not working in our life stories.

Rating relationships might look something like this…
Your partner makes you a better person, lifts your spirits, treats you well, listens with empathy, shares interests, etc.
In this case, you are blessed with a good match.
Better yet, if your heart skips a beat when your eyes connect across the room…BINGO! BANGO!!!
On the other hand, if your partner brings you down, is emotionally, mentally or physically abusive, cheats, lies and repeatedly leaves you unsatisfied, this match may be toxic and you may need to (as the expression goes) RUN!!!
It is easy for most to identify the toxic, knock-down, drag-out fighting, manipulating, gaslighting,
cheating, crying, etc. but what about the not so obvious troubled relationships?
The relationships that contain little, if any, spark. They are less threatening, less exciting, less
dramatic and produce less or zero butterflies in our bellies. I’m talking about the subtle settle partnerships.
The links that beg us to ponder,
“Should I stay or should I go?” or “Am I settling for less than I deserve?”
The subtle settling in a mundane or less than satisfying affair may include complacency, familiarity and a bit of boredom. Perhaps this is a relationship that started out slowly and failed to launch. It may be a friendship that formed when one or both parties feared being alone more than being a part of a couple that often contemplates what might be missing. If your relationship is falling short of your expectations or your core values are not in line with your actions and behaviors, it may be time to reinvent, reboot or remove this relationship for better mental health.

American psychologist, John Gottman has labeled Four Horsemen, or hooks that interfere with relationship success. They are criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt. These behaviors can devastate and wreak havoc on romantic unions. Careful attention to the reduction or elimination of these behaviors can build strong, healthy attachments. Additionally, hard work and focus can lead to recovery and reunion for struggling couples that brave these destructive behaviors.

Some say that being alone is better than being in a relationship with the wrong person.
What do you say? As a Couples Counselor, it is not my job to answer that question or even offer advice.
I can only make observations and pose thought-provoking questions that help to reveal next best steps.
Some of these questions may include:
Do you love yourself enough to go it alone indefinitely?
Do you believe that you are already whole and that a partner should supplement and spark joy?
Do you trust your Higher Power to place your person in your life at the appropriate and well appointed time?
Does your partner make you a better person?
Are you settling for less than you deserve?
Does thinking about your partner evoke feelings of joy, peace, safety, indifference, fear, sadness or discord?
If you are unsure, you may need to explore your thoughts and feelings with the use of an emotions wheel, similar tools and a
trained professional.
If you need assistance processing or would like to have help sorting and working through issues
heavy on your heart, please reach out to one of our fabulous relationship counselors.
We care and think you deserve the very best intimacy, happiness and fulfillment in relationships near and dear
to your heart. We consider it a privilege to help create and maintain solid, stable connections and thank you for the opportunity to serve. You and your relationships are worthy of a love that meets or beats your expectations! I will leave you with this and please remember that self love is ALWAYS a part of true love!

“We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.” -John Lennon

Author & Photo Credit: Ria Ruane, MA, LMHC

An Introduction to Solution-Focused Therapy

As many people are aware there is no one size fits all single method or approach to therapy. There are many different theories and approaches that therapists use in order to help people enact the changes that they would like to make in their lives. Solution-Focused Therapy is one of these approaches.

Solution-Focused Therapy is exactly as it sounds. It is a future-focused approach to therapy focused on finding solutions rather than focusing on the problems. This approach strives to empower people to use their own strengths and resources in order to make the changes that
they would like to make in their lives. This approach does not think that the problem itself is not important. Instead it strives to get people to stop focusing on the problem and to instead focus on finding the solutions that will allow change to occur. In a Solution-Focused Therapist’s mind all people are capable and motivated to change the moment that the person shows up for the first session.

Can Solution-Focused Therapy help you with whatever problem that you are currently facing? The simple answer is that it can just like every other theory or approach that is currently used. So why even try Solution-Focused Therapy? Well that is because Solution-Focused Therapy takes a unique approach to therapy that other theories and approaches don’t utilize. This approach helps people shift their focus from problem to focus on the person’s desired outcome and how to get there. With this simple shift in focus many people can figure out what they need to do and what tools that they have in order to make that change a reality. Instead of imagining what a better tomorrow can be like, experience it for yourself.

Written by Nicholas Pujol, Counseling Masters Student