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Reauthoring Your Life: The Transformative Power of Narrative Therapy

We are all storytellers. From the moment we begin to make sense of the world, we craft narratives about who we are, what we’re capable of, and what our experiences mean. Yet sometimes, the stories we tell ourselves become limiting—creating boundaries that confine rather than possibilities that liberate.

This is where narrative therapy shines. Developed by Michael White and David Epston in the 1980s, narrative therapy recognizes that we are not our problems, and our problems are not us. Instead, our challenges exist in the narratives we’ve constructed or inherited about ourselves.

Through narrative therapy, we learn to externalize problems—to see them not as inherent character flaws but as stories that can be rewritten. When we say, “Anxiety is affecting my life” rather than “I am an anxious person,” we create space between ourselves and the problem. In that space lies freedom.

The process of reauthoring our lives begins with simple awareness. What stories do you tell yourself about your capabilities, your worth, your future? Once identified, these narratives can be examined, questioned, and ultimately transformed.

Importantly, narrative therapy doesn’t dismiss our struggles but reframes them as opportunities for growth. Every challenge becomes a plot twist rather than an ending. Every setback becomes a chapter rather than the whole book.

By identifying “unique outcomes”—those moments when the problem doesn’t dominate—we discover evidence of alternative storylines already present in our lives. These exceptions form the foundation of new, more empowering narratives.

At Sage & Lore, we believe in the power of story to heal and transform. When you turn the page and write your own story, you quite literally change your life.

What page are you turning today?

Written by Petra Wilkes, Registered Mental Health and Marriage and Family Intern #IMH25031

Craving Closeness & Connections

As humans, we crave the closeness and connections that come with having someone around, whether it is a friend or romantic partner. Have you ever wondered why some people seem naturally secure in relationships, while others struggle with trust, intimacy, or independence? The answer may lie in attachment styles, a concept rooted in psychology that explains how we relate to others, especially in close relationships. Attachment styles are the foundation of our human connections and our capacity to be there for one another. This creates meaningful attachments and memories with others and our lives. However, with closeness and letting our guards down comes the fear of making connections with others and being vulnerable. Whether that is due to past experiences or our insecurities coming out and influencing us, it can be hard. Understanding your attachment style can help you gain insight into yourself and foster meaningful, deep relationships. You might be thinking to yourself, “Well, how do I start?”. The first step in combating an unhealthy attachment style is to learn about the attachment style you have. As many people say, knowing is half the battle. The 4 attachment styles are anxious, fearful-avoidant, avoidant, and secure. You can take this quiz to see which style you have (Attachment Style Quiz: Free & Fast Attachment Style Test). Now that you know which attachment style you have, it is time for step 2, which will happen without you having to try too hard. It is being aware of how our own experiences are influencing our behaviors now. Then it comes down to making changes to positively influence your life based on those observations. I know what you are thinking, “How do I make that change?”. Don’t worry, it can seem daunting, but once you start seeing it, the change has already started. Trust in your intuition and have faith that you will become the best version of yourself as long as you continue to challenge your ways of thinking.

Written by Tiya Delson, Master’s Level Graduate Student in Mental Health

Ainsworth, M.D.S., Blehar, M.C., Waters, E. & Wall, S. (1978) Patterns of Attachment. A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation. Hillsdale, NJ: LEA.

Levy, M. B., & Davis, K. E. (1988). Lovestyles and attachment styles compared: Their relations to each other and to various relationship characteristics. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 5(4), 439–471. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407588054004 

Yoga and Psychotherapy

In recent years, more people are turning to holistic approaches to improve their mental health. One powerful combination gaining attention is the integration of yoga and psychotherapy. While these two practices may seem unrelated at first glance, they actually complement each other in meaningful and transformative ways.

Traditional talk therapy helps people make sense of their thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and relationships. It offers a safe space to explore past experiences, process trauma, navigate anxiety or depression, and work toward greater self-understanding. But as anyone who has struggled with overwhelming emotions or persistent stress knows, our minds and bodies are deeply connected. What we think and feel doesn’t just stay in our heads, it shows up in our posture, our breath, our muscles, and our nervous system. This is where yoga comes in. Yoga, especially when practiced with awareness, is more than
just exercise. It teaches us to tune into the body, breathe with intention, and notice what’s happening in the present moment. When combined with psychotherapy, yoga can help people move through emotional blocks, ground themselves in the here and now, and develop a deeper sense of self-compassion. It can also be a powerful tool for regulating the nervous system, particularly for those recovering from trauma or living with chronic stress.

In therapy, we often talk about feelings, but many of us struggle to feel those emotions fully—especially if we’ve been taught to suppress or avoid them. Yoga provides a safe and structured way to begin reconnecting with the body, which is often where those emotions are stored. Simple breathing exercises or mindful movement can help bring awareness to areas of tension or numbness, gently inviting us to notice and release what we’ve been holding onto, often without even realizing it. For people living with anxiety, yoga’s emphasis on slow, steady breathing and present-moment awareness can be
grounding and soothing. It helps interrupt the cycle of racing thoughts and allows space for the body to relax, which in turn can support clearer thinking and emotional resilience. For those dealing with depression or grief, the gentle movement of yoga can help awaken the body and mind from a state of stagnation.

Ultimately, combining yoga and psychotherapy is about honoring the wisdom of both the mind and the body. It recognizes that healing isn’t just an intellectual process—it’s also physical, emotional, and even spiritual. Whether you’re working through trauma, managing stress, or simply trying to live more intentionally, this integrative approach can offer a powerful path toward balance and wholeness.

Written by Sophie Gengler, Master’s Level Graduate Student in Mental Health

Valentine’s Day: Loving Yourself First to Love Others Fully

Valentine’s Day is HERE! Whether you’re spending it with a special someone, or friends, or flying solo, it’s all good! But how can we make this day a great day? Well, we’ve all heard that classic piece of advice: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Rom 13:9). But here’s the kicker—“as yourself.” It’s hard to give love to others if you’re not showing yourself the same care and kindness first. Our mental health plays a huge role in this, and when we neglect it, we can lose sight of who we are and who we love.

So, as we get ready for the big day, why not check in with yourself? How can you feel truly rested and loved? Maybe it’s enjoying a delicious meal, unwinding in a relaxing bath, or getting lost in a good book at your favorite park. The key is to focus on one thing at a time and be
present in the moment.

If you’re spending the day with someone special, remember that it’s not about how much you spend but the quality of the time you share. As the Bible says, “Love cannot result in any harm to the neighbor” (Rom 13:10). It’s all about selfless giving, trust, and open communication in a relationship—these are the building blocks of the love we all seek.

So… let’s make this a day full of love for yourself and others!

Written by Juan Cubillos, Graduate Student in Clinical Mental Health

Embracing Sexual Well-Being: A Guide to Sexual Mental Health

Embracing Sexual Well-Being: A Guide to Sexual Mental Health

Sexual health is an integral part of overall well-being, encompassing physical, emotional, mental, and social dimensions. Yet, discussions around sexual and mental health often remain taboo, leaving many individuals without the knowledge and support they need. This blog aims to shed light on the importance of sexual mental health, offering insights and tips for cultivating a healthy and fulfilling sexual life.

Understanding Sexual Mental Health

Sexual mental health refers to a state of well-being in which an individual experiences positive and respectful relationships, has the ability to enjoy and express their sexuality, and feels free from discrimination, coercion, and violence. It involves:

  • Self-Esteem and Body Image: Feeling confident and comfortable in your own body.

  • Communication and Consent: Being able to communicate your needs and boundaries and respecting those of others.

  • Emotional Connection: Building and maintaining healthy emotional connections with partners.

  • Healthy Sexual Function: Experiencing sexual activities that are pleasurable and free from dysfunction or pain.

Common Sexual Mental Health Concerns

1. Performance Anxiety

  • Causes: Fear of not meeting expectations, past negative experiences, and societal pressures.

  • Impact: Can lead to erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or difficulty achieving orgasm.

2. Body Image Issues

  • Causes: Media portrayals of “ideal” bodies, societal standards, and personal insecurities.

  • Impact: Can reduce sexual desire, confidence, and satisfaction.

3. Lack of Desire or Libido

  • Causes: Stress, hormonal imbalances, relationship issues, mental health disorders.

  • Impact: Can affect personal well-being and relationship dynamics.

4. Trauma and PTSD

  • Causes: Past experiences of sexual abuse or assault.

  • Impact: This can lead to anxiety, avoidance of sexual activity, and emotional distress.

5. Relationship Issues

  • Causes: Poor communication, unresolved conflicts, lack of intimacy.

  • Impact: This can create emotional distance and reduce sexual satisfaction.

Tips for Improving Sexual Mental Health

1. Open Communication

  • Practice Honest Conversations: Discuss your desires, boundaries, and concerns with your partner.

  • Seek Understanding: Be willing to listen and empathize with your partner’s perspective.

2. Focus on Self-Esteem and Body Positivity

  • Self-Acceptance: Embrace your body as it is and recognize your unique beauty.

  • Positive Affirmations: Use positive affirmations to boost your self-esteem and body image.

3. Manage Stress and Anxiety

  • Mindfulness and Meditation: Practice mindfulness to stay present and reduce anxiety.

  • Relaxation Techniques: Incorporate relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or yoga into your routine.

4. Seek Professional Help

  • Therapists and Counselors: Consult with a mental health professional specializing in sexual health.

  • Support Groups: Join support groups to connect with others facing similar issues.

5. Educate Yourself

  • Read and Learn: Educate yourself about sexual health and well-being through books, articles, and reputable online resources.

  • Stay Informed: Keep up to date with the latest research and findings in sexual health.

6. Create a Healthy Lifestyle

  • Exercise Regularly: Physical activity can boost mood and improve body image.

  • Balanced Diet: Maintain a healthy diet to support overall well-being.

  • Adequate Sleep: Ensure you get enough rest to manage stress and maintain energy levels.

Resources for Sexual Mental Health

  • Books: “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski and “The Guide to Getting It On!” by Paul Joannides are excellent resources for understanding sexual health.

  • Websites: Planned Parenthood and the American Sexual Health Association (ASHA) offer valuable information and resources.

  • Apps: Apps like “MJoy” and “Rosy” provide educational content and tools for enhancing sexual well-being.

Conclusion

Sexual mental health is a vital component of overall health and happiness. By addressing concerns such as performance anxiety, body image issues, and lack of desire, and by fostering open communication, self-esteem, and professional support, you can enhance your sexual well-being. Remember, everyone deserves a healthy and fulfilling sexual life. Embrace your sexuality, educate yourself, and seek the support you need to thrive.

By prioritizing your sexual and mental health, you can build stronger relationships, boost your confidence, and experience greater satisfaction in all areas of your life.

Written by Jennifer Freel, Registered Mental Health Intern IMH26129

Unlocking Deep Change

How Working with Your Subconscious Mind Can Transform Your Therapy Journey

When it comes to achieving lasting change in therapy, working on a subconscious level is essential. Our subconscious mind is where deeply rooted beliefs, memories, and patterns reside, often influencing our thoughts, emotions, and actions without us even realizing it. While the conscious mind is responsible for logical reasoning and decision-making, the subconscious mind is like a powerful filing system, storing all our past experiences, fears, and core beliefs. Often, these stored beliefs are the very things that hold us back from reaching our goals.

Imagine setting a conscious goal to build self-confidence, but somewhere in your subconscious lies a belief, perhaps from childhood, that you’re “not good enough.” No matter how hard you work on building confidence consciously, this underlying belief may sabotage your progress, leading you back to self-doubt. By working directly with the subconscious, we can identify and reframe these limiting beliefs, allowing you to align your entire mindset with your goals.

Therapies like Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) make use of a relaxed, alpha brainwave state to help clients access their subconscious mind. In this state, we can revisit and process experiences that shaped current self-beliefs, seeing them through the wiser lens of adulthood. Updating these beliefs is like decluttering a storage room, creating space for new, empowering perspectives that support your goals.

Working on a subconscious level not only removes mental barriers but also speeds up the therapeutic process. It allows for deep, foundational shifts that reach far beyond surface-level thinking. When subconscious beliefs are in harmony with conscious goals, your path to growth becomes clearer, allowing you to experience greater resilience, self-trust, and authentic change. Embracing this level of inner work means you’re not just reaching your goals—you’re transforming from within, creating a foundation for lasting success and well-being.

Ready to break free from old patterns and unlock true, lasting change? Book a session today and let’s work together to align your subconscious mind with your goals for a more empowered future.

Written by Kellie Hatch, Registered Mental Health Intern #26644

 

Navigating the Holiday Blues: Finding Light in the Season of Shadows

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. However, for many individuals, it can also be a  challenging period marked by the holiday blues. These feelings of sadness, loneliness, and anxiety during the festive season are more common than one might think. In this blog post, we’ll explore the reasons behind the holiday blues and offer practical tips for navigating
this emotionally complex time.

Understanding the Holiday Blues:
1. Social Expectations: The holiday season comes with societal expectations of happiness and togetherness. This pressure to be festive and cheerful can be overwhelming, especially for those who may be dealing with personal challenges or losses.

2. Comparisons and Reflections: The holidays often prompt reflection on the past year, which can lead to comparisons and a sense of unmet expectations. Individuals may find themselves assessing their achievements, relationships, and life choices, potentially triggering feelings of
inadequacy or regret.

3. Loneliness: Not everyone has a robust support system or close-knit family to spend the holidays with. For those who are alone or have strained relationships, the season can amplify feelings of isolation and loneliness.

4. Financial Strain: The financial burden of gift-giving, travel, and hosting can contribute to stress and anxiety. The pressure to meet material expectations can be particularly challenging for those facing economic difficulties.

Navigating the Holiday Blues:
1. Acknowledge and Accept: The first step in addressing the holiday blues is acknowledging and accepting your feelings. It’s okay not to feel festive all the time, and recognizing your emotions is an essential part of self-care.

2. Set Realistic Expectations: Manage your expectations and understand that perfection is not the goal. Embrace imperfections and focus on creating meaningful moments rather than adhering to an idealized version of the holidays.

3. Reach Out for Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or support groups. Share your feelings and let others know if  you need company or assistance. Connecting with others can provide comfort and a sense of belonging.

4. Create New Traditions: If traditional holiday activities trigger negative emotions, consider creating new traditions that align with your current circumstances and bring joy. This could include volunteering, starting a new hobby, or taking a solo trip.

5. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize self-care during the holidays. Take time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or practicing mindfulness.

6. Seek Professional Help: If the holiday blues become overwhelming and persist, consider seeking professional help. Mental health professionals can provide support, coping strategies, and a safe space to explore and address underlying issues.

The holiday blues are a common and valid experience that many individuals navigate each year. By acknowledging these feelings, setting realistic expectations, reaching out for support, and practicing self-care, it’s possible to find light in the midst of the seasonal shadows. Remember that everyone’s journey is unique, and prioritizing your well-being is key to making it through the holiday season with
resilience and grace.

Written by Sherline Herard, MH24002, Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Emotional Affairs and Personality Disorders in Marriage and Family Therapy

Navigating the Complex Terrain of Emotional Affairs and Personality Disorders in Marriage and Family Therapy
In the intricate landscape of marriage and family therapy, the challenges posed by emotional affairs can be even more profound when compounded by personality disorders. Whether you’re a therapist working with couples or someone navigating these issues personally, understanding the interplay between emotional connections and mental health is essential.

Understanding Emotional Affairs
Emotional affairs often begin as a friendship that deepens into a connection characterized by intimacy and secrecy. Unlike physical infidelity, emotional affairs involve a significant emotional investment in someone outside the marriage, which can lead to feelings of betrayal and profound hurt.

For couples, these affairs can signal deeper issues within the relationship, such as unmet emotional needs, communication breakdowns, or a desire for validation. In therapy, it’s crucial to explore the underlying factors that led to the emotional affair while addressing the couple’s dynamics.

Written by Danielle Fous, Marriage and Family Graduate Student

3 Habits Impacting Your Mental Health

Oftentimes, when we think about what could harm our mental health, our minds go to major life events—the loss of a job, the end of a relationship, or the death of a loved one. But small habits that often go unnoticed can also play a major role. Below are three common habits that could be negatively affecting your mental health:

1. Not Getting Enough Sleep
Sleep impacts your mental health in numerous ways—it can affect your cognitive skills, mood, and behavior. As such, failing to get enough sleep can increase your risk of anxiety and depression and make it more difficult for you to focus, solve problems, make decisions, remember things, and control your emotions and impulses. Try sticking to the same sleep schedule, keeping your bedroom cool and dark, and performing a relaxing activity before bed (e.g., taking a warm bath or reading).

2. Being Inactive
In today’s busy world, it can be difficult to find time to exercise, but it’s important to stay active. Not only can exercise improve your physical health, but it can also boost your mental health. In fact, studies have shown that regularly exercising could reduce your risk of depression.

3. Scrolling Through Social Media
Social media can be beneficial—it can help you stay connected to long-distance family and friends and keep up with current events—but research suggests that spending too much time on it can lead to anxiety and depression. To reduce your screen time, try setting a timer, turning off notifications, or deleting apps from your phone.

Start Improving Your Mental Health
In addition to breaking the negative habits described above, one of the best things you can do to boost your mental health is speak to a therapist. Fortunately, you can entrust your care to the skilled team at our practice. Once we’ve learned more about you and any issues you may be experiencing, we’ll be able to provide you with customized advice for how to eliminate negative habits from your life and start implementing more positive ones. Contact us today to schedule your first appointment.

Written by Sherline Herard, Licensed Mental Health Counselor

My PhD Journey

Recently I embarked on a new journey in my PhD program. My qualitative course is one of the first three and the most challenging. This course has led to a lot of soul searching on the best way to present my research question. I decided that it may be best if I research a specific
group. I have chosen to narrow my research down to black married men. My question is currently still under construction. I want it to be a meaningful statement that articulates how the overarching theme of the study. I also do not want to lead participants to the conclusion that I am trying to make. Therefore, a vaguer description might be beneficial. My thought was “What are the communication barriers that black males face in marriage?”. I have been gauging the interest of men that I know, who are married and find communication in their relationship difficult.

So far, I have received a lot of inquiry on this topic and the idea of diving deeper into a man’s vulnerability with his wife. Specifically black men, who in my experience must consistently portray a strength. This is a very taxing façade to project at all times. An assumption of marriage is that both individuals are comfortable to show their true and authentic self. If this statement was an absolute, my assumption is that men would express more than just anger in their relationship. I tend to believe that men test the boundaries of how open they can be with their spouse. When their vulnerability is rejected through a critical reaction, disappointment, or lack of comfortability by their spouse; men tend to shut down.

As a boy growing up, I was taught that my emotions were not acceptable. This resulted in behaviors that caused more damage for my mental health. Because I did not feel safe expressing myself, I found it hard to be vulnerable with others. I also found myself in unhealthy coping mechanisms and hiding behaviors that were not seen as “good”. I longed for people that I could unpack the turmoil that I felt inside. I thought that in marriage I would find this safe space. What I found was my hiding of my true emotions gave my wife an unrealistic expectation of me as a man. I was always “strong and stoic” in our dating phase of the relationship. For 5 years before marriage my wife thought that nothing phased me. She later realized I was a ball of emotions. In the beginning of or marriage she did not know how to react to what I was saying. This led to me feeling alone and misunderstood within my own house, almost as if I was a teenager all over again. Though this sounds dramatic, it is natural for us as humans to relate our current reality to past situations. These trips back to spaces of emotional scarcity can limit our ability to be present in the moment, and while this sounds like a riveting crisis. It would be highly unproductive for
your mental health if I just left you with a problem and no way to work towards a different result.

If you find yourself in a place where you do not feel like you have the permission to be vulnerable in relationships; I believe it starts by creating a space for yourself. We have all heard the saying that you cannot give others what you do not give yourself. It is also very true that you cannot ask from others what you first ask from for yourself. If I do not think my voice matters, someone else saying it does will not validate the insecurity inside of me. As men, we must give our inner child the freedom to feel every emotion, no matter how uncomfortable. As we begin to accept, we are more than anger and excitement, we will be able to ask others accept that as well.

Written by Tim Nelson, Registered Mental Health Intern #25977